Good time for vacation

I again feel like I played really well and just didn't get rewarded. I money bubbled the $320 Quarter Million on Stars when my AA got cracked by KK. I then got 8th in a deepstack tourney on UB. I got 13th in the $30 rebuy, and I got like 20th in the $215 sniper on UB as well.

So lots of deep finishes, even a final table, and a grand total of barely positive for the day. All 4 of those tourneys paid over 10k for first. And two of them paid well over $10k. So bricking out was once again.... just frustrating.

So it's a good time for a mental break and I'm looking forward to take it. I don't know how much I will be blogging for the next week or so...

Perspective

Prepare for a rambling post.

I am in the midst of a downswing exceeding $10k and it is playing a major clusterfuck on my psyche. I know that to many of my internet wunderkid counterparts this is a drop in the bucket, but to me it is the biggest downswing I have ever been on... and to be honest hearing that others have lost more money than I have isn't very reassuring, it's downright frightening. The game draws fewer and fewer recreational players, and more and more of the players in the pool are using poker training sites and forums and are becoming better players which makes the games tougher and tougher. A 100% ROI which was the common goal just 3-4 years ago is basically unheard of now - there are high volume button pushers out there who are now happy with just 10-20% ROIs.

So what does this mean for me? Fuck if I know. Were my last 7 consecutive winning months an anomaly or is this month the outlier? Can I expect things to turn around and still attain at least a 50% ROI this year or am I going to struggle to achieve a 20% ROI? I don't know.

What I do know is that I will put in a full session tomorrow. I will take my time and make as good of decisions as I possibly can in each spot and I will let the results come. And then I will go on vacation for the rest of the month and just concentrate on having a good time with my wife and family.

I have no idea what this year will bring, and that vast unknown is what takes a little bit of the luster of this lifestyle. But I do know that I am healthy, that I am at least borderline smart and have the capability of adjusting, and the only thing I can control is my decision making - so I will concentrate on that and keep hoping for the best.

I don't know what to say

I know that reading a blog that only talks about how frustrated I am because I can't win lately has got to be the most boring thing ever to read. But it's either that or don't post at all.

The downswing continues and my head is definitely not in a real good place, but I also don't see any glaring mistakes that I am making. So all I can do is keep pushing through it.

We go on vacation soon, so no matter what I will be taking some time off. Until then I am going to just keep grinding.

Ok it's officially a downswing

I still feel like I am playing well but I also know that I am getting frustrated so I might be spewing in some spots.

Again I haven't put in tons of volume this year so my sample size is still small but I do know I am down close to $8k over my last 100 tourneys. And it just sucks.

I had a very vivid dream last night of me making over $35k in one tourney so hopefully I dream well.

I am taking the rest of today off, and then will hang out with my wife for a bit tonight and then go play my live game. Tomorrow I will be back grinding.

I put in a full session today...

but no results. I am in one of those phases where I am actually making the money on a regular basis but I just can't finish anything off. The vast majority of my earnings come from making final tables and from there getting a top 3 score so while making the money is nice because it staunches the moneyflow out it doesn't really do anything else.

I have only played 224 tourneys total this year and I am basically break even (actually I am up $763) - so it isn't even that I am "downswinging" I am just not upswinging. I feel like I am playing really well right not tho, so hopefully I will win one of these important races late in a tourney and break out with a nice score soon.

When my mom visits we eat well

My mom came to visit for this last weekend and in general when she comes we take things very easy - we walk the dog, watch some tv, talk a bunch, and just relax. But where we don't relax is when it comes to food. My mom is a very good cook so it always nice to have her here and learn a bit from her in the kitchen.

Our big food festival this weekend was a starter of dates stuffed with goat cheese and wrapped in salami; shrimp cooked two ways (breaded and sauteed); my rasberry/gorgonzola/walnut salad; and then since I don't like shrimp, I made a NY strip steak.

mmm, mmm, mmm.

On the poker front, I will be back at it the rest of this week so hopefully the run good will hit me.

Days like today are why so many grinders don't make it

I actually only played an afternoon session today and I played super well. Only to lose money for the day.

I managed to get my way into the money in 3 of the 8 tourneys I played only to finish in 22nd, 27th, and 18th and the three I cashed were the smallest buy-in tourneys I play... So even though I waded through over 1800 players in one tourney, and over 2 thousand players in another, I still managed to lose over $200 on the day.

I wish I was a better writer because I would love for others to be able to understand my frustration of playing that well for that long only to wind up doing my bookkeeping at the end of the night with absolutely no results. Yet with my paltry writing skills at least, the frustration remains indescribable.

Just keeping on

I was supposed to do a coaching session this afternoon but it fell apart so I played a small session this afternoon and then another session this evening. I am still playing really well but the poker mojo just didn't run my way today.

I did get to watch my Bagers run over the Spartans which was fun and also was able to watch Lost tonight so all in all it wasn't a horrible day.

Sundays = Online poker

Fridays might be my night to actually get out and play live poker but Sundays are the signature say to play lots of good value tourneys online. I woke up tired and a bit hungover so I just put in a half session but was pleased with how I played. I didn't get any huge scores but I gave myself as good of a chance as possible in every tourney I played and that really is all I can ask for.