Rinse, Repeat... and time to Reflect

It's funny. I did my number crunching for the end of the month and compared it to last year and then I decided to go back and read some of my blog posts from last year and I am definitely still whining about the same stuff this year that I was last year. The difference this year is that I am actually losing money on the year and have a negative ROI for the year, whereas last year I was just whining about going on a downswing even though I never was actually down for the year.

I guess no matter what I can find something to whine about.

So 4 months into the year and it's a good time to review. I have had two barely winning months, one barely losing month, and one huge losing month. It just has been a super bad year so far. Last month I was able to just eke myself back to even but since then I am down like 9k again so I am down a total of about 9k for the year. Volumewise I am on pace to play the most amount of tourneys that I have ever played. Last year was my high and I only played 1326 tourneys. I am already at 732 this year so I should smash last year's record.

The big bad things that are happening to me this year are: 1) my final table percentage is much lower than it usually is; 2) even when I make final tables my top 3 percentage is way way down as well; and 3) I am just not anywhere as consistent as I have been in the past. My biggest downswing last year was like 8k and I only did that once. This year I have had a 20k downswing and I am now in the midst of a 9k swoon. So I've never gone through these depths before and I am really not enjoying it.

I am taking tomorrow off just to stop thinking about this mess and then I will be back at it this weekend. I expect to put in a lot of volume in May before I head off to the WSOP so all I can do is keep playing well and hope that a huge upswing hits me soon.

Still bleeding but feeling better

Wednesdays are now very much like Sundays in that there are lots of decent staked tourneys which means you can easily average over $100 per tourney. I played 18 today and paid a total of $2121. Lots of the tourneys I played had huge payouts for the top 3, but if you don't make a final table you end up losing for the day. Standard stuff. I moneyed 3 tourneys and lost like $1k for the day.

Lately my nights have ended with me bitching and moaning about my luck. But tonight for whatever reason I felt very calm. Frustrated for sure, but I just feel very secure in the knowledge that I am playing very well. I am not spewing, I am not pressing, I am adjusting to my opponents and just playing my spots and my cards really well. I simply am not getting there when I need to get there. But playing the what if game is simply sucking my soul out. I can keep playing well and putting myself in position to get that big score and eventually it will come... or it won't. But there is nothing I can do about that. So I am just going to continue to play well and let whatever happens happen.

I have finally withdrawn all of my money for the WSOP and the majority of my stakers money as well. With the combination of my monthly withdrawals for bills, my withdrawal for the WSOP, and my overall losing year so far my bankroll has taken quite a hit. I am no longer rolled to play the $300 tourneys, so tonight's quarter million was my last hurrah (I got 83rd) until I am able to juice the roll back up. These next couple of weeks will determine whether or not I am able to keep playing the Sunday majors on my own dime or if I am going to have to stake myself out for those as well. But since all I can do is play my best and see what happens, that is exactly what I am going to do.

Still bumbling around

Another long session. Another frustrating day. I got 24th in the 100k and 11th in another tourney on UB. Ended up losing basically exactly the profit I made yesterday. I'll keep at it tomorrow.

Scratching the Surface but I can't Break Through

I played my longest session of the year today. I got in 19 tourneys. I only moneyed 2 of them, but I did Final Table one - the $130 Sniper on UB. I ended up in 4th for just over $2500 but I still wanted to bash my head into the wall because I went out on a horrible cooler.


***** Hand History for Game 164564175 ***** (Absolute)
Tourney Hand NL Texas Hold'em - Tuesday, April 27, 12:27:41 ET 2010
Table Tournament 5209564 Table 38 (Real Money)
Seat 2 is the button
Seat 2: FUTUREPROQQ ( $309895.00 USD )
Seat 5: WELCOMEME ( $99170.00 USD )
Seat 6: CHARDRIAN ( $272300.00 USD )
Seat 7: DISK0STU ( $212635.00 USD )
FUTUREPROQQ posts ante of [$600.00 USD].
WELCOMEME posts ante of [$600.00 USD].
CHARDRIAN posts ante of [$600.00 USD].
DISK0STU posts ante of [$600.00 USD].
WELCOMEME posts small blind [$3000.00 USD].
CHARDRIAN posts big blind [$6000.00 USD].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to CHARDRIAN [ 3c Ac ]
DISK0STU raises [$15000.00 USD]
FUTUREPROQQ folds
WELCOMEME folds
CHARDRIAN calls [$9000.00 USD]
** Dealing Flop ** [ 3d, 3s, 2h ]
CHARDRIAN checks
DISK0STU bets [$24000.00 USD]
CHARDRIAN calls [$24000.00 USD]
** Dealing Turn ** [ 8h ]
CHARDRIAN checks
DISK0STU checks
** Dealing River ** [ 9h ]
CHARDRIAN bets [$44200.00 USD]
DISK0STU raises [$173035.00 USD]
CHARDRIAN calls [$128835.00 USD]
DISK0STU shows [4h, Ah ]
DISK0STU wins $429470.00 USD from main pot
CHARDRIAN shows [3c, Ac ]

I feel like I am playing so well. And I feel like I keep getting super close to decent scores... but then it just doesn't pan out. If I win that tourney instead of going out in 4th I win over $8k and get back to breakeven for the year. Instead I take another retarded ankle grabbing hand. I am still down close to $6k for the year and I continue to feel like I am drowning.

I know a lot of it is still just a lack of volume. This month is another example since I took so much time off for the Costa Rica vacation I have only played 129 tourneys for the month. So I am going to try to keep it in high gear the next 3 days and at least get close to my 200 tourney goal for the month.

Hopefully, (pretty pretty please?) the pokergods will soon shine on my hairy ass and give me that one glorious score and then life will be back to being peachy.

Ready to pack it in

I just got 13th in the UB 200k and am ready to off myself so be prepared that this will be one hell of a whine coming up.

I started the day stadardly, got deep in some stuff, AA got cracked in 4 different tourneys, KK cracked in another same ole same ole. But then I managed to get deep in the UB tourney and with less than 25 left I was strongly in 2nd place. I even allowed myself to look at the payouts and dream of a big payday because maybe just maybe my curse was finally going to end today. 1st place was 45k, 2md place was over 25k, and even 5th place was over 11k. I was on my way - I could pull myself out of the hole for the year and then some.

And then everything goes to complete and utter shit. AQ runs into a short super aggro's KK. I have to raise/fold 88 against a nit who never 3-bet. After waiting 3 orbits with nothing I finally get JJ and everyone folds. I now find myself with just 15 BBs and absolutely no opportunities to do anything and I pick up 79o and reshove it against a similar stacksize who was on the looser side and of course he wakes up with AK and out like trout I go in 13th.

The frustrating thing is that I keep getting so damn close and then just CAN NOT FINISH! And it is starting to eat me up inside. I know I am just one decent score from all of this being a thing in the past - but each time I get a glimpse of that score coming and then it doesn't materialize is just mind-bogglingly frustrating.

Yucky

Poker is back to being not very nice to me. I have actually had deep runs pretty much every session I have played since I have been back, but I just keep losing crucial hands deep in tourneys.

Tuesday was a lost race at the final table (AK
I am going to play in my live game tonight and just have fun, and then will be back at it on Sunday.

Costa Rica Trip Report

Ok so for those that don't know, my mom, although a gringa, was raised in Costa Rica because my grandpa had a farm/worked other odd jobs there. I went once as a kid when I was around 8 on a family trip, but other than that time I haven't been back. In that time my grandparents have passed away and the farm has been sold to an organization that now runs it the property as an ecotourism/research center as a rainforest reserve (my grandpa set aside a large portion of his land to preserve rather then to farm and even the portion he did farm has quickly been devoured by the "green monster" that is the rainforest.) So I was excited to go back and see Costa Rica with my mom as our tour guide.

First of all, I was super impressed with the country itself. I lived for over 2 years in Guatemala as a Peace Corps volunteer and although they may be close in distance, in terms of development, safety, healthcare, education, income, etc. they are two totally different countries. The roads in Costa Rica are paved and clean, people obey traffic laws and stay in their own obviously demarcated lanes. I love Guatemala and would encourage people to visit, but it is definitely a "3rd world/developing" country. Costa Rica may not be fully to the level that the U.S. is but it is at least pretty damn close.

Anyhoo, our itinerary consisted of arriving in San Jose, spending the night at a nice hotel there and then the next day we rented a car and headed off to Sarapiqui to visit my grandpa's old farm which is now The Tirimbina Rainforest Center. My mom couldn't understand why the car rental guy and the hotel front desk were giving her directions to go the "long way" to Sarapiqui when she wanted to go the short route, so we decided to wing it and we were able to navigate our way out of the capital and onto the route that my mom always took when she was growing up. Unfortunately they were doing massive road work on this "short cut" so the road was often unpaved. Then when we got like 2/3 of the way there we pass a sign that says road closed due to some earthquake. However we did see some cars coming up that road so at that point our choices were to head all the way back to San Jose and then start over taking the "long route" or just go for it and hope for the best. We ended up going for it and made it unscathed but with nerves frayed as the road was extremely treacherous with a couple of river crossings, huge potholes, slippery muddy spots, and huge embankments/cliffs on the side of the road with no guard rails to stop us.

Once we got there, we were impressed with what we found. The rooms were simple but nice, especially for being essentially in the middle of a rainforest. The showers were hot, they had internet access, and the food was very well done with a full bar.



We went on a couple of tours (the chocolate tour and a nighttime tour), had to cross the hanging bridge over the Sarapiqui river (I don't like heights but made it), and basically just had a good time hanging out with each other. We saw toucans, a monkey, lots of frogs, and these small, cute white bats.





We only spent a couple of days in the rainforest and then we headed back to San Jose (this time taking the recommended route) where we hopped on a puddle jumper plane and headed to the beach at Tamarindo. Tamarindo has exploded in the past decade - when my mom first went there was only one "real" hotel. Now there are lots and lots of hotels, fast food, car rental places. It is a gorgeous spot on the Pacific Ocean which is a big surfer hangout. We stayed at a more upscale hotel called the Capitan Suizo which is super duper eco friendly so it was almost like living in a zoo. Iguanas, monkeys, racoons, and lots of different birds all hung out by the pool. The hotel is on the outskirts of town at the end of the beach so we basically had the beach to ourselves where we could boogie board, lay by the pool, and again just relax. Which we did. My sister and her two kids met us there and we had fun just hanging out and relaxing. The only bad thing I can say about the trip was just that it was too short.

Let the whining begin again...

Meh - I feel like I am playing extraordinarily good and I am getting deep in big field tourneys, only to fizzle at the end. I had a 14th and an 18th today to go with my 9th from yesterday and both days I ended up losing money for the day.

It might be variance, it might be the games are just getting harder, whatever it is, it remains frustrating.

I am down for the year, down for the month, and no matter what I do, I just can't seem to get my head above water this year. I know that volume wise I am still hardly playing compared to the other internet kids, and even with my low volume I have had one losing month and two winning months, which isn't bad. But I still haven't had that one real good month where I profit a ton on money and that's what a professional mtter depends on.

I am in the process of setting aside all of my WSOP money for this year, so once I do that, I will see where I am at bankroll wise and just keep on plugging away.

Back at it and tired

I played a full session today and only made the money in one tourney. I did final table it - but I lost a race at the final table and ended in 9th so I still lost money for the day. I am tired after not putting in a full session when I haven't played in so long, but I feel good about my game.

I uploaded a whole bunch of photos from my trip today, so one of these days when I get some free time I will post some as well.

Back from Vacation

I just got back from a week of vacation in Costa Rica. We went with my mom who grew up there so it was fun to see her in her element. I will be driving back to Sacramento either tomorrow or on Tuesday and will be back at it with a vengeance from now until I leave for the WSOP.

I will try and post pictures and a trip report when I get home.

And closer...

I final tabled the same $55 tourney on Tilt today and got 3rd this time. I was generally pleased with how I played except for one marginal hero call I made late. Top 3s are always nice though and this one basically brought me back to even for the year ROI wise.

Getting Closer...

I final tabled the $55 freezeout on Tilt today and feel I played flawlessly (except for the very first hand where I sucked out). Unfortunately I got coolered at the final table and ran my JJ into AA and quickly went from 2nd with 7th left to out in 7th.

I did manage to eke out a small profit for the day which is never a bad thing, but of course my expectations weren't met so I am not really a happy camper.

I am taking tomorrow off and will play in my live home game, and then get back at it this weekend.