chardrian

Recent Developments

2011-10-28T12:43:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how many people actually still read this blog, but for those that do I apologize for the lack of posts lately. Now that we are finally situated I feel like we are starting to get into a little bit of a groove again. I have applied to a couple of jobs here at the local district attorney's offices and the public defender's office but the job market is tight here and there are no openings so I am still sitting and waiting and crossing my fingers that something will open up. This week I also applied to become a member of a couple of appellate panels where if I were I accepted I would be appointed to handle the appeals of indigent clients here in California. I am worried that even though I have experience in appellate practice, it is not in the areas they are looking for, but I will keep my fingers crossed there as well.

In the meantime, I have started a internship/volunteership with the public defenders office so every Tuesday and Wednesday I go to the local court and help the assigned public defender with her misdemeanor calendar. She has a huge caseload and it is impressive to see her knock all of her cases out quickly and efficiently but also giving her clients quality representation in the minimal time she can spend with them. The courtroom is just one exit away from my wife's clinic, so we get to carpool and then the local cardroom is just across the street from the court so I have been playing some 20/40 limit on those afternoons.

Fresno has been bad to me in terms of poker profit, but hopefully things are turning around as I have had a couple of decent winning sessions lately. So the future plans are to keep the fingers crossed that I can get hired somewhere and to just keep on grinding until then.

Finally feeling settled

2011-09-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

So the whirlwind summer is now basically over.

Sell the house in Sacramento, check;
move out of house in Sacramento and into new rental home in Fresno in 3 days, check;
drive down to Santa Barbara the day after moving in to Fresno house to drop our dog off with the in-laws since we were going to Guatemala, check;
drive down to L.A. to my folks' house that same day to catch flight to Guatemala, check;
spend a couple of weeks in Guatemala, check;
return from Guatemala and spend a week in Santa Barbara, check;
return to Fresno for four days and try and tidy the house up a bit and get cable and internet set up, check;
drive back to L.A. to spend ten days with my folks and my sister and her family who was making her yearly summer mecca to Balboa, check;
drop my wife off as she and her best friend fly to Spain for 2 weeks, check;
fly to Boise to celebrate my step-grandmother's 100th birthday, check;
drive back to Fresno and spend a week waterskiing and hanging out with 17 extended family members on King's River and have 12 of them stay at my house, check;
drive back to L.A. to pick my wife up from her Spain trip, check;
spend the next ten days with our respective families in Santa Barbara and L.A., check;
take my wife to the airport for her girl's weekend in Chicago with friends of hers from medical school, check;
drive back to Fresno for what should now be the last time for a while, check;
pick my wife up from the Fresno airport, check; wife begins new job here in Fresno, check;
we explore Fresno on our bikes and find a nearby farmer's market, check;
I update my resume and send it off with cover letters to four legal offices/firms, check;
I finally make it out to the local cardroom and play some live poker, check.

And... phew now that the summer whirlwind is over, the fall whirlwind will begin.

It's been a while...

2011-07-26T16:06:00.000-07:00

So it's been a busy couple of months. My last post was me heading to Vegas for the WSOP. Unfortunately the Series was a huge bust for me this year, but I am still glad I went and gave myself one last shot.

Since then, we sold our house, moved out of of our Sacramento house, moved in to our Fresno house, my wife finished her residency, we went to Guatemala for a couple of weeks, we went to Santa Barbara for a week, and now we are now back in Fresno and are finishing the process of setting up our new house.

We still have a good month of vacationing left to do and will be spending that time between Fresno, L.A., Santa Barbara, Boise, Kings River, and Spain. After that, it will be time for me to start pounding the pavement and getting my resume out there in my quest to get back into practicing law again. Until then, I plan on enjoying my summer to the fullest.

In Vegas

2011-06-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

I've made it to Vegas and have registered for the $1k event today at noon. I'm excited to be here and excited to start the grind again. I found a cheap apartment/hotel which is just off the strip. It's somewhat skeezy and right under the flightpath of the planes coming in, but the location is great, it has a bed, shower and tv, it's gated so I feel safe, it has this computer for me to use, and it is CHEAP!!

On the housing front, it looks like we have found a place to rent in Fresno. It seems to be in a decent neighborhood, is much bigger than our current place, and has a nice big backyard for Chula.

Adventures over Memorial Day

2011-05-31T23:08:00.000-07:00

Most of the property management companies in Fresno shut down over the Memorial day weekend but we still wanted to at least look at the outside of some homes, so we drove down to Fresno on Saturday with the intention of looking at some homes and then meeting my L.A. family at a campsite in the mountains between Fresno and Bakersfield.

Of course, as usual, we got a late start, so by the time we got to Fresno we could only look at a couple of homes before we needed to head out so that we could actually set up our tent before it got dark. The campsite was a ways up in the mountains at like 5000 feet but to get there you had to pass elevations of over 7000 feet.

Long story, short - we got snowed on. Not rain, but honest to god snow. This freaked everyone out and in short order the dirt road which we took to get down to the campsite soon became a muddy mess with huge trenches from where people who did not have 4 wheel drive or know how to drive had been spinning their tires.

We decided to wait it out and see how the day progressed, and although it stayed cool the sun came out and the road got dry enough that we were confident we could get out. One of our group then went and talked with a ranger who said more snow was likely that night so we decided to pack it up and head back. All of us made it out with no problem, but when we passed the 7000 foot mark we were surprised to see at least 6 inches of snow, so we were also happy that we left when we did rather then risk it.

We then spent the night in Fresno, and yesterday we spent the day driving all throughout Fresno and looking at possible homes.

I am planning on going back to Fresno this Thursday and will be looking to set up as many showings as I can and hopefully find us a place to rent. I then will head off to Vegas and play some events before coming back to Sacramento for Charmian's graduation from residency.

WSOP bound

2011-05-25T17:13:00.000-07:00

I finally got my money from PokerStars today and I have also received a decent amount of interest in people wanting action from the ad I put up on 2+2 so I am now definitely going to make my yearly mecca to Vegas....

And I have to say that I am getting pumped. I know my excitement always wanes when I get there, but since I haven't played tournaments since April 15th (Black Friday) I am excited to get back to my bread and butter. I am also excited to have the chance to go for a threepeat of WSOP final tables in 3 years.

Wish me luck....

WSOP Stake

2011-05-24T13:40:00.000-07:00

It may be too late, but I have decided that I am going to try and get to Vegas for about ten days this year so I can at least play some of the WSOP.

I made an ad on 2+2 here. So now I will just wait and see what happens.

Rental House Hunting

2011-05-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

So with our house now sold we are starting the process of looking into where we will be living in Fresno. From the internet searching I have done it looks like we will be able to live in a much bigger home, possibly with a pool, and pay less in rent than we are currently paying for our mortgage. So now we just need to find something and sign a lease.

I am continuing to have problems withdrawing my money from Pokerstars which is frustrating because 95% of the people I know already have their Stars money. I think it has something to do with my long last name, but I don't know for sure. I am confident I will get my Stars funds, I just want the issue dealt with now so I don't have to waste any more time with it.

Live poker continues to go ok. I am now positive that I would have to play at least 5/10 to have a chance at making a living playing live poker, and I am not so sure my edge would be that huge in 5/10.... So I am still planning on applying for a "real job" once we get settled in Fresno.

Sold!

2011-05-11T14:08:00.000-07:00

After a super tiring and frustrating process we have finally sold our house. For reals this time. At this point it feels like every possible hurdle in the process is just a means for someone to make money rather than as a true way to secure that the buyers are getting the home they have agrees to pay for. Pest inspection = $1500. Home inspection = $500. Loan appraisal coming in under our agreed upon price = $5000. But, whatever, it's done, it's time to move on, and hopefully we can reset, reboot and start saving money again when we are finally settled in Fresno.

I am continuing to play a lot of live poker, and it is going fine. I am not making a ton of money, but I am definitely profiting.

The WSOP is coming up and I really want to go to Vegas and try and make my 3rd final table in 3 years but I don't know if it is going to happen. I may try and get a last minute stake. A lot will depend on how likely I think it is that I can get staked with a lot of online money still being tied up right now.

Adjusting from Online to Live Play

2011-05-03T12:17:00.001-07:00

So I've been continuing to go to my local, somewhat divey, cardroom on a daily basis and although playing 1/2 live would not generate enough income for me to make a fulltime go of it, for now it is at least bringing in some money and is hopefully teaching me a few things about adjusting to live play.

I have had some success playing live the last couple of years at the WSOP, so the fact that I still am bad at estimating how many chips people have in their stacks and still take forever to push out exactly $xx in chips to call a bet doesn't bother me. My biggest adjustment so far has simply been the need to reel in my impulse to join the other fish at the table and play a "let's gamble gamble" style of poker rather than be patient, wait for decent opportunities and then pounce.

The problem for me has been twofold: 1) the vast majority of the players are shortstacking - so they are buying in for somewhere between 20-30 Big Blinds rather than the full 100 Big Blinds which I buy in for - yet they generally have no real concept of stack depth or pot odds. So they are more then happy to call a 6 BB preflop raise (which is 1/3 of their stack) with a hand like 33 or K7s and then just play fit or fold postflop. What this means for me, is that preflop aggression, which is what has become so pervasive in the online MTT world, is no longer as useful a weapon, because my opponents will just call me preflop which starts a calling train, and then forces me to play fit or fold as well because I can't really try multiple street bluffs against opponents who only really have enough to call one more bet. So I have to become more selective in the hands I am going to play - in essence the easy way to beat the game is just to become a nit. Which leads to...

2) The play is slow. I am part of this problem because when I do actually play a hand I am not afraid to take my time to make a decision. But the bottom line with live play is that you are going to get to see somewhere around 25-30 hands an hour tops. Whereas online, playing 8 tables at a time, I could see 250 hands an hour. And slow play leads to boredom. And boredom leads to wanting to play more hands. And seeing all the fish playing their 85o and A6o, and K3s type hands makes me want to start playing those hands too, which leads me into playing like the fish and wanting to gamble gamble as well.

My plan this week is to just keep live grinding and hopefully stay out of the fish pond.

On the house front - we have had our inspection which went ok. The buyers want us to credit them $500 for possible repairs, which we agreed to. The appraiser for the loan came yesterday, so if he agrees that our house is worth our agreed upon price, then we should be go to go. At a minimum, we should find out soon.

Playing Live

2011-04-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

For the last 4 years I have made my living almost exclusively from playing in online MTTs. After Black Friday, that is just no longer an option for me. But much like I was in limbo 4 years ago when I was waiting for my bar exam results, I am again currently in limbo since we are leaving Sacramento at the end of June and have planned quite a bit of family/vacation stuff for July and August. So since I have an abundance of free-time on my hands, I have decided to finally look a little more deeply into the live card room scene here in Sacramento.

So far I've only been to two establisments: the Thunder Valley casino which is just outside of Roseville about half an hour from my house; and the Limelight cardroom which is on the corner of Alhambra and J which is less than 2 miles from my house (actually close enough to walk to if I really wanted).

The benefits of the Limelight is that it is so damn close, players get dinner for free, and the play so far has been pretty weak. The detriment is that they only offer 1/2 NL and most players only buy-in for $40-60 so it would be hard to pull in the $200-400 a day that I would need to average to make not getting a real job a viable option.

The benefit of Thunder Valley is that they offer $1/3 up to $5/10 NL and although I haven't played in anything higher than 1/3 yet, the games do not seem like they are incredibly tough so averaging a little less than half a buy-in a day at 5/10 might be possible. The detriment of Thunder Valley is that it is a ways away, and it is an Indian casino which means they don't follow California's statewide ban on smoking on the casino floor so you end up coming home smelling like an ashtray.

The detriment at all live rooms is that they rake $3-4 as soon as you see a flop and then you are expected to tip dealers on any pot you win so you really do need to play at higher limits so that the rake doesn't take away so much of your profit. Of course the higher you play, the better (in general) your opponents are...

Anyhoo, there are two more rooms in town the Capitol Casino and Casino Royale which according to their websites and from what I have heard may or may not have higher games. At this point I will probably just keep heading to the Limelight since it is so close and I am making a profit. If/when the game seems to be drying up on me I will probably try and take a look at the other rooms in town.

On the house front, the inspector came yesterday and I assume we will hear relatively soon if there was anything horrible that he found. The whole telephone game when realtors are involved gets really tiresome (inspector will give report to their realtor, their realtor gives report to buyers who will then probably have questions/concerns which they relay to their realtor who then talks to our realtor who then will finally talk to us) but I guess you just have to play that game. Hopefully all went well and then our next and last hurdle will be the appraisal of the house by the buyers/mortgage company.

In Escrow

2011-04-25T14:11:00.001-07:00

We are now officially in escrow. At this point we need the house to get appraised at the agreed upon price so the loan goes through and then we need to have little to no problems when the house gets inspected. If all goes well we are closing June 30th, which is Charmian's last day of work.

On the poker front, I am going to try and play some live poker this week at the various card rooms around town.

On the job front, I still need to get my resume in order and then start shipping it off to firms and state agencies in Fresno.

Moving On...

2011-04-18T11:39:00.000-07:00

Here is a really good overall look into what happened last Friday in the online poker world.

On the housing front - we are really close to getting a deal done. The prospective buyers and ourselves are $5k apart right now. Unfortunately we don't have anymore wiggle room. The last deal we offered will mean that we have to take every last cent we have in our savings to closing. So it is now up to the buyers and/or realtors. Either they come up with that last $5k or the deal just won't happen. With my online funds in neverneverland just paying our monthly expenses is now going to be super tight so hopefully we can finalize a deal and at least get this house monkey off our back.

The Sky is Falling/Black Friday

2011-04-16T18:28:00.000-07:00

For most people in the U.S., April 15th is known because it is the last day in which you can file your taxes without a penalty. For U.S. online poker players, April 15th will be known because that was the day that the online poker sky finally fell. For the past couple of years, every 6 months or so there would arise some new tidbit which would make the online world get their panties in a bit of bunch amid rampant speculation that all of the poker sites were about to be closed. Well yesterday that actually happened. The fouders/CEOs of the 3 biggest online poker sites which allow US players to play were indicted yesterday on charges of bank fraud, illegal gambling, and money laundering. In response, PokerStars and FullTilt (the two biggest sites) no longer allow U.S. players to play on their servers. UB/Absolute poker is no longer allowing players to deposit or withdraw but they can still play there.

So what's that mean for me, a professional poker player who plays a majority of his poker online? Well it means for right now I am out of a job. I attempted to withdraw the vast majority of my bankroll yesterday, but I have no idea if the transaction will go through or not.

If I am able to access my funds then for the next couple of months at least I will focus on playing at the live casinos and card rooms around here. If not, well then there's not a lot I can do but sit and wait.

No matter what, I have decided that now is as good as a time as any to get back into the "real workforce." Poker has been super tough for me this last year as it is, so keeping poker as a nice hobby that can bring us some extra income but not something that we are depending on to pay the bills may very well actually reduce the stress in my life.

So I am going to start working on my resume and my first plan of attack will be to apply for positions in the D.A.'s office and the Public Defender's office in Fresno. I really enjoyed my criminal law experience when I was in law school so I am hoping that I can get back into that field in Fresno. From my experience, criminal law is much more flying by the seat of your pants, there is lots of time in courtrooms and in front of judges and not as much time writing briefs sitting in an office and I really enjoyed that.

On the housing front; we are in the midst of offers and counter-offers and I am hopeful but not 100% confident that we can get a deal done. The next couple of days should be interesting...

Not a lot to update

2011-04-12T11:54:00.000-07:00

There hasn't been a ton of stuff going on here. The house continues to get quite a bit of traffic but we still haven't got any bites yet. Pokerwise I am continuing to get my feet wet playing cash where I believe I will finally be profitable once I learn how to let go of top pair/overpair hands.

Back from Jamaica

2011-04-04T22:16:00.000-07:00

We put the house on the market right before we left for vacation so that our house would be empty, Chula (our dog) would be out of the house and not shedding her hair everywhere, and to try and get as much traffic through our house as possible while we were gone.

Between my work on the house and Charmian's consistently brutally long hours we decided to treat ourselves and went to an all-inclusive resort. We went to Sandals in Negril Jamaica and had a really relaxing time. We pretty much were just super lazy and enjoyed spending 8+ hours everyday at the beach. We did partake of pretty much everything they had to offer at least once tho - we went snorkeling, waterskied, went kayaking, used the gym, played tennis, and Charmian got a massage. But the rest of the time we just read books, played scrabble, drank lots of drinks and ate lots of food. And it felt good to just be lazy.

I spent today starting to paint our back deck and will finish that tomorrow and once I complete that our house is done. So far we have had quite a bit of traffic but no real bites as of yet. We are going to have another open house this weekend and then it's just wait and see. At this point we have done everything we can so now everything is out of our hands and we just have to hope for the best. I am not super confident that we are going to be able to sell the house because the market is so depressed in this area - but at least we will know that we did everything we could.

If it doesn't sell, then we will either look into a short sale (which from what I understand depends more on our lender than anything else) or we will just rent it out.

Pokerwise my plan is to pretty much just focus on cash games this month since I need to be able to leave the house on short notice if anyone decides that they want to take a look at it.

House is ready for the market

2011-03-24T19:03:00.000-07:00

The weather here has been terrible - raining every day for like the last week which made things like taking cardboard boxes to storage problematic. But the house is now done. The staging lady came tonight and did the finishing touches and I've got to say it looks nice. As always it took much longer to do all the busywork involved to make the house look pretty. Touching up the wall where our coat rack is turned into me just painting the entire entryway; putting in sod; putting in mulch; vacuuming; dusting; mopping; cleaning all the kitchen appliances; etc. All I have left to do tonight is do one last cleaning of the floors and clean the bathroom. Hopefully the potential buyers will think our house is as nice as we thought it was...

Still working on the house

2011-03-14T21:01:00.000-07:00

Our plan is to get the house on the market by the end of next week so I have been working at getting it "openhouse" presentable. I have done the vast majority of the work so this week and next will just be taking the last couple of loads to storage/goodwill; doing some minor paint touch ups and then cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.

Our backyard was looking a little straggly so we decided to lay some new sod and to try and reduce the money pit that this house has become I figured that I would try and do it myself. So I rented a tiller from Home Depot, got it home, and even figured out how to start it up and use it. For me, this is a pretty huge accomplishment considering that changing a lightbulb is about my peak for doing handyman type stuff. So it shouldn't be a big surprise that as soon as I set the tilling blades into our yard the whole thing went KA-CHUNK KA-CHUNK and spit out a brick and then stalled. Stupid me figured that it was just some stray brick so I crank it back up and hear and feel the same massive KA-CHUNK as another brick is thrown out of our yard. So now I sigh, get the shovel and spend the next 2-3 hours shoveling the whole back yard and unearthing about 50 bricks that were all about 1 inch under the top soil. Of course I rented the damn tiller for only 4 hours and if I went over the price went something ridiculously high like from $75 to $225 so now I had to scramble to till the yard so that I could return it in time.

Long story short - I got the job done, but man what a hassle. The yard does look nice now though - hopefully the sod takes. It's supposed to rain this whole week so that should help.

Pokerwise, I have been playing short sessions of Heads-Up $10/20 Limit. It's a super swingy game but I am liking it because I can play for small sessions which fits in with letting me be able to get the house prettied up.

Some Progress

2011-03-05T09:55:00.000-08:00

I rented a storage unit and have made quite a few trips with my pickup so the house is looking emptier. It is still a mess and there is still quite a bit to do, but progress is being made. We are going to be putting it on the market at the end of this month and then we'll just hope for the best.

Poker is taking a back seat at this point but I have been playing some cash both online (up and down) and last night I went to a local casino with some friends and made over $700 which always feels nice.

Sick and Tired of Losing

2011-03-01T23:24:00.000-08:00

I

AM

JUST

FED

UP

OF

LOSING!

whine whine whine, cry cry cry. Same old same old. Play 24 tourneys. Cash in 6 of them. Get a 16th, a 17th, a 25th, a 33rd, lose money for the day. Rinse and repeat. I need to stop getting coolered late, I need to win a flip late....

I NEED A FUCKING WIN!

Too much work

2011-02-25T01:13:00.000-08:00

We were supposed to go to Carmel Valley this weekend with my wife's family but my wife has too much work to do to prepare for a grand rounds presentation that she has to give next week. I have major problems in general with how many hours our medical system makes residents work in general. I understand that they have to get their training somehow and that involves lots of hours but I think they should probably add a year of residency to each program so that the residents are working more like 60 hour workweeks rather than 80 hour workweeks. On top of that, I think making residents have to do all this extra work (M & M's, grand round presentations, and a chief year project) is just ridiculous. Anyhoo, the trip is now off so I should be putting in some volume this weekend instead.

Poker continues to frustrate the bejesus out of me. I have 2 10ths and a 7th in my last two sessions. My 10th today was in a $55 tourney on stars that had over 2000 entries. First place was worth over $15k, 10th brought me like $700. Bah.

Our whole house fiasco has also occupied a ton of my time this week. I have done a lot of research into the financial implications of renting our house out rather than trying to sell it. While there are some tax breaks, we are still going to take a huge hit no matter what we do so I still am leaning towards putting the house on the market, taking our lumps and moving on. We shall see...

Stressed Out

2011-02-20T16:44:00.000-08:00

Poker continues to go poorly (even though I feel I continue to play well). Our house situation is just going to be a huge money drain that is looking like it's going to be ugly ugly ugly. My wife has like 3 different projects going on on top of her 80 hour workweeks. So all in all, life is not at its pinnacle right now.

A huge cash infusion from a nice poker score sure would be nice....

Back in the Saddle

2011-02-16T08:50:00.000-08:00

I've spent the last couple of days getting the house at least somewhat presentable. I have net with 3 different realtors and now will have follow-up meetings with all of them where we get into the real nitty gritty and discuss listing prices, costs, staging, etc. The market in Sacramento took one of the worst dumps in the country so I am not looking forward to this at all because it is very likely we will not only lose our entire down payment but will also have to bring a check to closing. But I am also not real keen on renting our place, having to be landlords from a distance and taking a monthly hit since we wouldn't be able to rent it for close to what our monthly mortgage payment is... and then still having to put it on the market in a couple of years with no assurances that the housing market is going to rebound significantly.

So long story short, I think we are just going to tuck our tail between our legs, take a huge financial hit, and be done with it and start over fresh in Fresno.

On the poker front, I put my first session in last night and it was the same old story. I cashed in 6 out of 20 tourneys with 2 8ths, a 14th, a 21st, a 27th, and a 33rd. So yeah I continue to get deep in lots of different tourneys and I just fail miserably at closing.

Back Home Again

2011-02-13T20:16:00.001-08:00

I'm not super keen on announcing my future vacations on this blog just because I don't really love announcing that our house is going to be empty for a decent period of time. So that's why I wasn't updating a lot recently. My wife had a week off and we headed to Santa Barbara. She had to do quite a bit of work while she was there so it wasn't a super exciting vacation, but it was nice, as always, to just relax and be treated like royalty. My sister's kids are the biggest germ carriers I've ever come in contact with so whenever I visit them, I get sick, so unfortunately I spent a good part of this last week recovering from a nasty head cold.

Anyhoo, I just got back from the 6 hour drive home. I am meeting with a couple of realtors tomorrow. And then I hope to be getting back into the poker swing later this week as well. Right now I am more worried about getting the house ready to be put on the market then anything else, so we'll just see how poker fits in and I'll go from there.

Driving Miss Daisy Coming to an End

2011-01-30T18:57:00.000-08:00

So I've spent the last half-week here in Dallas. My only true job duty was to drive my sister's kids to school (and one ballet lesson) and pick them up. My mom was also here so her duty was more of the true childcare role and I have to admit that she took the vast vast majority of that role so I had somewhat of a cakewalk. I was able to sleep in. I didn't have to wipe any butts or make any meals. But I did at least give her a bit of a break every day when I played with them and bounced them on the trampoline, or pushed them on the swings. Anyhoo, I am heading back home tomorrow and my real life will be ready and waiting for me.

My backer has decided to let me go and I really can't blame him. I have been a losing/breakeven player since August so paying me to either lose money or breakeven just doesn't make a lot of sense financially. 90% of a negative to a breakeven number is still a loss...

I thought about trying to keep putting my salary deal out there but I have decided that I am just going to bite the bullet and resume playing on my own dime. To be honest even though it definitely adds stress, I am also looking forward to it. I want poker to be my career. And if it is going to be my career then I either need to make money playing the game or I need to find another career. So it is sink or swim time for me, and I am hoping that everyone sees me swimming like Michael Phelps sooner rather than later.

Off to Dallas

2011-01-25T23:46:00.000-08:00

My sister is going on vacation with her husband to some exotic place and needs someone to drive her kids to school and soccer and whatnot while she is gone, so I am heading off to Dallas tomorrow to re-enact Morgan Freeman's role in Driving Miss Daisy.

I have been working really hard this month so that I would be able to get my 400 tourneys in before I left for Dallas and I finished my 400th tonight. So far I am about as close to break even as you can get for the year (I am up $132.55 to be exact). I am really liking how I am playing lately. My in the money percentage is at close to 20% and I am getting deep in many different tourneys - I just need that elusive late run good and everything should fall into place.

Once I get back from Dallas my plan is to start calling realtors and tying up whatever loose ends are necessary to get our house on the market.

Broken Record Post

2011-01-20T23:47:00.000-08:00

I almost didn't post this because I know it will sound like a broken record, but I haven't updated in a while and I don't want those who actually do check this blog out to think I have died.

So poker has been the same as it has for a long time for me. I am making a lot of deep finishes. Even a couple of final tables, but still just can't get that big score.

Everyone keeps telling me that all I can do is continue to put myself in the position to make the big scores and eventually they will come. My only worry is that maybe they just won't come anymore...

Back to winning

2011-01-14T01:11:00.000-08:00

I was supposed to go to the driving range this morning, but it was raining so instead we just had breakfast and shot the shit. I then got some errands done this afternoon and put in a smallish session tonight. It started off about as bad as it can get with bad beats/lost races/and just getting brutalized over and over again with KK (either running it into AA or raising per getting called and having the flop come A hi). Anyhoo I stayed the course, ground it out and somehow managed to make a profit for the day.

The day was still frustrating - I got 2 14ths and one of them was in the 75k which I just seem to love final table bubbling; and my JJ lost to 55 all-in preflop for a 30+ BB pot at a $100 Final Table putting me out in fourth.

But.... I did also make two final tables and I am now back to just barely profitable for the new year. So instead of ruminating on the frustrations I am going to try and focus on the positives.

I am playing well. I am giving myself every opportunity to get deep in tourneys and get big scores. I am healthy and still get to make my own hours. So hopefully this will be a good way to kickstart my long weekend where I am heading to S.F. to hang out with my family.

I'll be back grinding away again next week.

Not a lot to report

2011-01-08T23:13:00.000-08:00

We went to D.C. for a family reunion over New Year's which was short but sweet. I don't see my step-brothers very often so I enjoy it when I get to see them and their families. Watching the Badgers lose the Rose Bowl was disappointing but at least it was a really fun game to watch.

Pokerwise, the new year is unfortunately starting off very much the same way it ended. I play well, I get deep in some tourneys, I keep missing that elusive huge score. Tonight I played a small session after watching the Seahawks/Saints game and managed to final table and get 5th in the nightly 75k on Tilt. It was a nice chunk of change but it was also agonizingly close but not quite there to a huge score. 1st place was over $18k, and my fifth place finish was under $5k.

I will keep grinding and hopefully have a huge post to report soon.

Update

2010-12-29T19:05:00.000-08:00

Between trying to grind out my last tourneys for the stake I am doing, traveling to Dallas for x-mas with my sister and family for 5 days before x-mas, having my wife's family come here for the x-mas weekend, and now getting ready to go to D.C. for New Year's I have been busy.

I love spending time with my family so I have really enjoyed the last couple of weeks.

If the clinic in Fresno agrees to the changes we suggested in my wife's contract, then she should soon be signing her contract and we should be moving to Fresno at some point around July next year.

Pokerwise this year has been so frustrating that I am glad that it is ending and that I can start fresh next year. It was a crazy up and down year and it ended so poorly that this is the first year that I actually lost money playing professionally. Over my last 1200 tourneys I am down close to $38k. Luckily with decent bankroll management, and staking myself I still will have a roll to grind when we finally make our move to Fresno. I am also an eternal optimist so I truly believe that next year will swing back around for me and that really big things could be in store for me pokerwise.

We shall wait and see...

I'm a lawyer again...

2010-12-07T22:36:00.000-08:00

but hopefully not a practicing one anytime soon.

I swore in yesterday to make sure that I don't lose my bar privileges and then as soon as I get my bar card I will change my status to inactive so I don't have to pay the normal yearly dues.

The nice thing is that it appears to be relatively painless paperwork to become an active member again so if I need to start practicing law again I should be able to start the job search and start work quickly.

On the pokerfront the maddening, gross, frustrating results just keep piling up. I made another final table yesterday but all it did was make me break even for the day. I am still waiting for that one big score to make all those dark clouds dissipate. We shall see....

I saw another glimmer of light

2010-12-02T00:39:00.000-08:00

I won the $55 6 max on Stars today. Feels good to win.

Another Deep Breath Time

2010-11-29T17:36:00.000-08:00

We had a really small but nice thanksgiving. My wife's best friend from her residency program came over and I cooked a turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, the crescent rolls from a can, gravy, and a salad. The only dish that failed was the gravy which I don't eat anyways so all-in-all it was a success.

Poker has been such a mental clusterfuck this year that I have been really really bad about pushing the bad days away and remembering everything that I have to be thankful for. So a day away from the tables to regain some perspective is always a good thing. I have a great family, friends, my health, my dog, a job where I still get to sleep in until noon everyday. Life is good.

I continue to have difficulties focusing on how blessed/lucky/good life is when I am losing at the tables, but I will also continue to try and better myself in that regard.

I want the light back

2010-11-23T01:25:00.000-08:00

I am continuing to just play one night session and just keep registering for tourneys until have hit somewhere around 20. Out of the 19 tourneys I played tonight I got another 17th, 13th, and 11th. When I finished my last tourney tonight in 17th place after another retardedly standard lost race I just started laughing. I mean my late luck is either going to get better, or its not.

On the non-poker front, it looks like we are going to have a small thanksgiving this year but I will be cooking a turkey nonetheless, which I need to get tomorrow.

A little more light

2010-11-19T02:55:00.000-08:00

Another 3 more 10th-36ths but also another FT tonight. Again it was a small tourney so my total profit for the day wasn't much but my confidence level is much higher.

I also am back to playing backed, so it feels good to start the stake on a positive note.

A little light...

2010-11-18T01:52:00.001-08:00

I got 4th in a $26 FO on Tilt for a little over $2k, and I also got a frustrating 32nd, 23rd, 21st, and 15th in 4 other tourneys. So while I made a little bit of money for the day, it still is hardly enough to cover my buyins for my next session.

I need to stop getting all of these 10th-36th place finishes and turn them all into final tables for life to start smelling like roses again.

Still Grinding

2010-11-16T00:59:00.000-08:00

My potential fulltime backer wants to see how I play before he commits, which is perfectly understandable so I played on my own dime tonight. I basically wanted to see if I could get 20 tourneys in a night session - and I can. So I think for the near future I will no longer be playing my afternoon session and will just start playing at 5 pm and then just keep regging until I have registered for 20 tourneys.

I am tired right now so I actually haven't reviewed my play for the day. I feel like I was a little spewy early on in the night but then became very solid towards the end. I got another 10th in a tourney on FullTilt (surprise surprise) when I took another bad beat (KK

Bap has ended

2010-11-15T13:58:00.001-08:00

So my first foray into a salary BAP ended and it ended with me losing money for my investors (including myself) which I never feel good about. I do feel really good about my game at the moment though so I am just going to keep playing.

My hope at the moment is that I am going to get staked for the next 7-8 months but if that doesn't work then I will just keep grinding on my own dime and hope for the best.

Hachcachchahhahcahha

2010-11-11T23:32:00.000-08:00

I really felt like tonight was going to be the continuation of a heater. I made the final table of small 6 max tourney on Stars where I was the dominating chip leader with 2 tables left but then couldn't win a hand for the life of me and finished in 5th. And then I had a great stack going in the $30 rebuy on Tilt as well when I took a horrific bad beat with 16 left for a ginormous stack but still clawed my way back to like a 25 BB stack only to lose in 11th when my 99 couldn't outflip AK.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhh.

The sneaking thoughts of holy crap, if I win this tourney my stake is profitable AFTER paying me my salary made it feel like my legs were taken out from under me when it didn't materialize. Blech - that's my 9th final 2 table finish for this BAP compared to just 5 final tables. Oh well when the run good comes my way and those results flip then life will be peaches and cream again.

On the non-poker front, our washing machine went on the fritz so I am getting that fixed tomorrow.

I also have become somewhat enamored by the drama of the latest person on PTP (the staking site I use) to have rolled. He has recently fessed up that he has absconded with somewhere around $38k in his investor's money. This type of stuff happens unfortunately way too often but I am always bamboozled that no one ever contacts the authorities. I said as much in this thread. (my posts start around post #400). It seems like an almost too easy law exam question to me, and I am fairly confident that I could get a conviction if I tried this case. We'll see if anyone actually follows through...

A victory!

2010-11-10T19:44:00.000-08:00

I chopped the $75 24k guarantee on Tilt for just under $7k. I am not jumping for joy since it still doesn't bring my stake to profitable, but at least it brings it back close to even. And I've got to say it is a confidence boost too. I have felt like I have been playing so damn good for the last month so to have no results was killing me.

Anyhoo, the stake will likely be completed by Friday and then I'm going to try and sell out the same deal. We'll see what happens...

Just continuing to grind

2010-11-08T19:00:00.000-08:00

I had two more frustrating finishes on Sunday when I finished like 22nd and 31st in two different deep field tourneys that paid well over $15k to first. Then today was just awful results wise because I cashed 0 of 19 tourneys. But I reviewed my session today and my play is still very good.

I am also really happy with my mindset the last couple of sessions I have had. I have kept the whining to a minimum, I am really enjoying the times I win hands, and I am playing really well. So I am just going to keep at it and hope for the best.

I finished somewhat early tonight so I am going to go make some chicken and beans so that we can have some "real food" for the rest of the week.

Continue to get closer and closer

2010-11-05T22:52:00.000-07:00

I finished 5th out of over 3000 entrants in the $10r for a little over $4k today on Stars. Again I am very very happy with my play, but still just want to close one of these stupid tourneys out again. I experienced some more bad luck at the end of this tourney when my AA was cracked by AK with 15 players left and took me down to 5 BBs. But I am super pleased with how I gutted it out and got back to the final table and gave myself every chance possible to actually win the tourney. 1st place in this tourney was over 14k and would have brought me out of the hole but again I just can't control my outcomes no matter how much I wish I could.

Tomorrow I play in my live game and then I am back at it on Sunday. I only have 113 tourneys left to play on this stake so I still think I should finish it by the end of next week.

Interview Time

2010-11-03T23:31:00.000-07:00

My wife had interviews in Fresno and Bakersfield these last two days so I was her chauffeur. Her interviews went well, but she has a couple more to set up later this month and then hopefully we should know where we are ending up next year.

Pokerwise I am going to get back at it tomorrow night. I am hoping to have completed my 400 tourneys for my BAP by the end of next week.

Still knocking on the door

2010-10-31T20:53:00.000-07:00

I finally made a Final Table today so that's good. Still lost with AA versus 22 at the final table to finish in 5th so that blows. But the mantra is definitely true - all I can do is play my best and let the results happen. If I could do anything to appease the poker gods I would, but I have no idea what that would be.

I also had deep runs in 3 other tourneys so I feel real good about my game - now I am just waiting for the full flung run good to hit me in the face.

Doing my best to not let poker run my life

2010-10-29T17:59:00.000-07:00

With the salary stake I am doing I have to put in volume to get my salary. But lately I am feeling like the donkey chasing that elusive carrot. No matter what I do, I can't win and I am letting that affect how I am feeling away from the computer. So I am taking tonight and tomorrow off and then I'll just keep grinding this Sunday.

The repetitiveness of losing everyday is getting to me mentally but there is also little I can do to change that. I am reviewing my hand histories, having friends watch me play, posting hands, discussing strategy, taking my time while I am playing... and I still am just coming up empty.

So it is back to the keep grinding mentality and also doing my best to continue to do things away from the computer so that I am not always so focused on the losses.

Still swinging and missing

2010-10-27T22:20:00.000-07:00

I got yet another 12th in the $163 60k on Tilt. Again first was over 17k. Again I went home with like $800 and a sour taste in my mouth.

I decided to check my stats in this tourney and was grossed out by what I saw. I have played this tourney and it's nightly counterpart 166 times this year. I have cashed it 25 times (which is fine). I have 0 final tables. That's abysmal. I generally make a final table around 2-2.5% of the time. So I should have 3-4 final tables. Instead I have none.

What I do have are 11 final 20s (10,11,12,12,13,14,15,15,18,19,20). The what ifs are never good to get into for too long because you can't do anything about past results. But man. That just blows.

Sigh. Tomorrow is another day.

Day Off

2010-10-23T18:24:00.000-07:00

I got another frustrating 12th in the $163 afternoon tourney on Tilt yesterday so instead of playing today with a defeated attitude I decided to take the day off, watch a ton of sports (my Badgers won a thriller against Iowa), and just be super lazy. Tomorrow I will play a full Sunday session.

Back at it and the downswing continues

2010-10-20T23:20:00.000-07:00

I am getting my volume in now that I am home, but so far still no love. The vacation was nice, but the pressure to win and the frustration of a downswing that has now reached somewhere around $30k over the last 2 and a half months is just leaving me emotionally spent.

I am about 1/3 of the way through my salary stake deal and so far it has gone miserably. Hopefully I can get a decent score soon. My psyche needs it.

Back from Vacation

2010-10-18T11:14:00.000-07:00

I was in Santa Barbara last week with my wife's family and had a blast. Tons of good food, good company, hikes, basketball, decktime, relaxing, watching the Badgers beat OSU, and just generally being treated like royalty is hard not to enjoy. I played no poker, and had very little internet access which was probably a good thing. But now I am back, and starting today I am back to work.

Finally a positive day

2010-10-07T18:22:00.000-07:00

I went back to just playing an afternoon session and cashed 7 of the 10 tourneys I played today. For me, doing sessions is just better for me mentally so I will be going back to just playing sessions.

I have made some minor tweaks to my game and it definitely should let me get into the money more often. My best finish today was like a 15th. Still waiting for the final table to come...

Some work and some fun

2010-10-05T21:20:00.000-07:00

I was a substitute for a friend of mine in his volleyball league last night and had a blast just pounding the ball.

Today I put in my first full session for my stake. Instead of doing two different 10 tourney sessions, I just started playing at noon and kept registering for tourneys until about 6 pm. I ended up playing 21 tourneys total. I am not sure whether I will continue registering like this or if I will go back to two sessions. I was definitely tired at the end of today, but it was doable.

I am still running pretty miserably, and even though I am playing with other's money the frustration isn't decreasing at all. If anything it is increasing. I really want this staking arrangement to work which means I need to profit, so to see me already like $2500 in the hole is just barftastic. I also just haven't had a decent score in so long that it's just eating at me.

I will be back at it tomorrow tho.

Out of Shape

2010-10-03T15:42:00.000-07:00

My wife and I went on a 40 mile bikeride yesterday and I did not fair too well.

Going out the 20 miles to the Nimbus dam was not a problem, we had a nice picnic lunch, I didn't feel sore or winded at all. But coming back was tough. My quads starting tightening up after maybe just 5 miles on the way home so the last 15 miles were torture.

I actually don't feel bad at all today so it's more of me just being horribly out of shape than it was a strenuous bikeride.

Anyhoo, I am going to start my salaried 400 tourney stake tomorrow. I am eager to see how it goes.

We'll see how this new venture works out...

2010-10-01T18:13:00.000-07:00

Because I have sold out already.

My wife is off this weekend so I am not sure if my first day of this new venture will be on Sunday or Monday, but it is going to start.

I am looking forward to it.

Trying something new...

2010-09-30T12:21:00.000-07:00

It has been a tough year for me with all the swings so I have decided to attempt to sell out my action on a salaried basis.

The ad is here.

I thought long and hard about doing this and I am not even sure it will work. The pros for me is that I am giving myself stability and forcing myself to put in volume if I want my salary. The cons are that I am giving basically all of my profits away.

At this point I just want to see if it will even sell out. If it does and it is profitable then I can just re-evaluate at the end of each 400 tourneys. But at this point I am thinking that this could and should work out for everyone. If I sustain a 10% ROI the BAP would breakeven. A 20% ROI should give my backers over $7k in profits. And although I would hate to keep giving $7k+ away each month this will allow me to keep my current bankroll intact until we make our move next June when my wife ends her residency here.

We'll see what happens...

Still Downswinging

2010-09-30T01:32:00.000-07:00

I am still in the midst of what is now over a $20k downswing. I had another close but not quite finish tonight when I got 9th in the $55 70k on Stars for like $1k but took just a horrendous beat with 10 players left so I really felt like I had a great shot at the $14k for first and then it just blew up on me. This was the hand that crushed me.

***** Hand History for Game 50386566295 ***** (Poker Stars)
Tourney Hand NL Texas Hold'em - Thursday, September 30, 04:16:40 ET 2010
Table 333011083 130 (Real Money)
Seat 2 is the button
Seat 2: chardrian ( $460377.00 USD )
Seat 3: JayEs23 ( $429500.00 USD )
Seat 5: teasall ( $378083.00 USD )
Seat 6: FML4DaWin ( $1440000.00 USD )
Seat 7: jaytj03 ( $366180.00 USD )
chardrian posts ante of [$1600.00 USD].
JayEs23 posts ante of [$1600.00 USD].
teasall posts ante of [$1600.00 USD].
FML4DaWin posts ante of [$1600.00 USD].
jaytj03 posts ante of [$1600.00 USD].
JayEs23 posts small blind [$8000.00 USD].
teasall posts big blind [$16000.00 USD].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to chardrian [ Ac 8c ]
FML4DaWin folds
jaytj03 raises [$32500.00 USD]
chardrian calls [$32500.00 USD]
JayEs23 folds
teasall folds
** Dealing Flop ** [ 5s, 8s, 2s ]
jaytj03 checks
chardrian bets [$45677.00 USD]
jaytj03 calls [$45677.00 USD]
** Dealing Turn ** [ 8h ]
jaytj03 checks
chardrian bets [$100100.00 USD]
jaytj03 raises [$286403.00 USD]
chardrian calls [$186303.00 USD]
** Dealing River ** [ 7s ]
jaytj03 shows [8d, 9s ]
chardrian shows [Ac, 8c ]
jaytj03 wins $761160.00 USD from main pot

I did get my 200 tourneys in this month so that's good. I will keep trying to grind it out but I really need a decent score just to heal my psyche.

Don't know whether to laugh or cry

2010-09-22T22:59:00.000-07:00

Ok fun news first - I am happily sun burnt after spending the day kayaking and hitting the driving range.

Now the same old same old news. I got 20th in the UB Sniper which paid $20k to first (and just $520 for 20th). I keep feeling it is going to turn around, but then it doesn't.

I

just

keep

getting

close....

But I'll keep plugging away.

Just re-read the last post

2010-09-21T21:53:00.001-07:00

I got 18th in the 75k. First was over $25k. 18th paid a whopping $555. Super coolered. Such is life.

So Close Yet Again

2010-09-16T16:45:00.000-07:00

I got another 19th in the $60k on FullTilt. It's my 17th tourney of the year where I finished between 10th and 36th in a tourney where first place pays over $20k. I.e. I made the final 4 tables but just can't make a final table for the life of me. I am looking forward to when this statistical anomaly returns to normal.

I did get 3rd in the $109 PLO/8 for $1k so the day was positive at least.

My folks come tomorrow so I will be taking the weekend off and then will be back at it next week.

Finally getting some volume in...

2010-09-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

and as has often been the case this year, I am just getting brutalized. I played 20 tourneys today and didn't cash any single one of them. I am doing my best to keep my head on straight but I definitely found myself falling into the "I am jinxed," "I can't win," "I don't know how to play anymore" realm of thinking which is just really hard to get out of when nothing is going right.

I know I made some mistakes today, but after reviewing my play there really wasn't anything too bad.

I will keep at it because there really isn't anything else to do. A nice score would be nice....

Trying to find my mojo

2010-09-14T00:31:00.000-07:00

Just been really lazy lately. I hope to get in some decent volume the rest of this week and then my folks come to visit at the end of this week.

Fun Weekend and now I am back at it

2010-09-07T17:23:00.000-07:00

We didn't do our big bike trip this weekend because we got invited to a friend's house on Discovery Bay (a little over an hour south of here) and go out on his boat (well more like a mini-yacht). We did bike to Ruth's Chris on Saturday night for a steak which was nice because then we didn't have to worry about our booze intake. Anyhoo, weekend was relaxing, and today I started playing again. Basically another breakeven day but I am just lying in wait for some big scores because I really am playing really well.

Random Thoughts

2010-09-03T13:28:00.000-07:00

* My wife actually has the weekend off and it is our anniversary (11 years!) and her birthday this weekend so I will be taking the weekend off. We are planning on biking to Lake Natoma doing some kayaking and then biking home. It should be about 40 miles round trip and I hope I don't die.

* I am starting to mix in some cash games as I play my tourneys. So far it is going well - the big thing for me with cash is just to make sure I don't tilt. But when I don't tilt, it is a great way to keep the bankroll at least somewhat sustained. E.g. yesterday I lost over $2k playing a full day (2 sessions) of 20 tourneys but I made close to $1500 playing cash games so at the end of the day my bankroll only took a $500 hit rather than a $2k hit.

* I have now been playing poker professionally for over 3 years. This year has been by far my worst in terms of results. I am just eking out a 10% ROI whereas my worst year prior to this I had an 80% ROI. The games are definitely getting tougher with fewer fish and more of the player pool having access to books, forums, training sites, coaches, and friends who they can have help them play through skype/im/chat programs. I am hoping that part of my downfall this year has just been bad luck, but I am not sure how achievable an 80% ROI is anymore which means I really do need to put in the volume if I want to keep making a living at this game.

wahhhhh for bricking out.

2010-09-01T22:42:00.000-07:00

I got 15th in the 75k on Tilt and 50 somethingth in the quarter million on stars. I felt I played pretty much mistake free on Tilt but I definitely imploded on Stars. Meh - tomorrow is another day.

Whee for a Win!!

2010-08-31T18:46:00.000-07:00

Nothing major - but I won the $109 PLO/8 tourney on Stars for $2300. August was actually basically tied for my worst month of the year so far so it feels good to actually take something down.

It has been a very up and down year for me, I've had 3 losing months (2 big losing months) and 5 winning months and have only shown a modest profit for the year. The game has definitely gotten tougher because more and more of my opponents are regular players and their are fewer and fewer really bad fish out there. I am still way way under my volume goals though so I hope to get in over 200 tourneys this month and hopefully go on a nice little heater at some point soon. We shall see...

Wedding Season is now over so I am back to work

2010-08-31T11:26:00.000-07:00

I was back in my old stomping grounds of Madison, Wisconsin last week because a friend of ours from my wife's medical school was getting married. The trip was great - we went canoeing, hung out at Devil's lake, and got to see how all of my wife's med school crew are doing and weddings are just always fun (especially when your only role is to show up and enjoy yourself). Now that I am back, I finally have a block of time where I can actually play some poker so that is my plan.

Off to Portland

2010-08-19T17:06:00.000-07:00

My cousin is getting married this weekend so I am off to Portland. I am looking forward to seeing what I have heard is a very cool city and hanging out with my family.

Poker is continuing to go bad results wise.

Back home for a little bit.

2010-08-16T22:48:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy couple of days. My hard drive died on me Wednesday night which was the same time that my Santa Barbara family came in for a visit. We went to Tahoe for the weekend which was fun but is always just a little too short. After I took them to the airport today, I went and got a new hard drive and then as is always the case with me and computers it took like 3+ hours figuring out how to get back on the internet (something about some driver needed to be updated). Anyhoo, I once again have internet and an empty house so I will put in a session tomorrow.

Another Positive Day but....

2010-08-10T18:46:00.000-07:00

yeah I am still frustrated. I actually made a final table in a big tourney today, the $162 FO on Stars, but I couldn't get anything going late, took a bad beat which dropped me to like 20 BBs, and then lost a race at the Final Table to end in 9th. Again just really frustrating to get that close and then have it not pan out.

I am, however, really really happy with my play and my refusal to give up. In the tourney I final tabled, I was down to just 3 BBs on the money bubble and then battled my back all the way to the final table. And in my other tourneys I made no mistakes - I was either coolered, or bad beat which is still frustrating, but a sign of really good play.

Tomorrow my family from Santa Barbara comes in to town so I am off until next Monday and I am going to do my best to enjoy myself.

Finally a positive day but...

2010-08-09T18:25:00.000-07:00

I'm still really frustrated. I got deep in the FTOPs Omaha Hi/Lo tourney but ran really bad at the end and finished in like 27th. Then I also got very deep in the $20 cubed on Pokerstars only to final table bubble in 11th. Both tourneys had me dreaming of big paydays, both tourneys totally bombed.

I am so focused on hitting a big score right now that anything less is just really demoralizing.

There is another decent FTOPs tomorrow at 11 am so depending on how I feel tomorrow I will start a session with that or I might just take tomorrow off and come back swinging next week.

Really Tough Week - Time to Review

2010-08-08T15:43:00.000-07:00

It has been a really hard week pokerwise. Nothing is going right and my confidence has taken a hit. So much of this game is about confidence and going through a downswing just tears down that confidence bit by bit. Last week I was riding high off after coming home from a decent WSOP and having a good July. Luckily I wrote a post that I told myself to come back to when I had my next downswing - unfortunately that happened much sooner than I would have liked.

But this is what I wrote:

"Take a break - spend a day or two reviewing HHs, ghosting other players, watching vids, but definitely don't play."

I have family coming this week on Wednesday and I am then going to Portland and then Madison at the end of this month so I actually can't take a break as long as I am playing well these next two days because otherwise I won't be able to put my volume in for the month. But I definitely won't be playing from Wed-Sunday this week.

"Take a deep breath, look at your overall results - are you a winning player overall? Are you simply having a bad year? Or do you actually suck and need to work on your game? Be honest with yourself."

I am doing that right now. Overall results for the year aren't where I want them but I am still up for the year. I am constantly tinkering with my game but for the most part I honestly feel that I am playing well and running poorly.

"Right now you are in a total whiny bitchfest and believe that poker somehow "owes" you something; you are never "due" in poker; odds don't change depending on how you are running; all you can do in tourneys is play as optimally as you possibly can and let the results come... and they will come."

I am trying really hard not to whine... but it's hard. I feel like I keep getting so close to my goals and then right when I almost reach them I inevitably go on a downswing. And the bummer about playing higher level tourneys is that my average buy-in has increased so much that when I do downswing, the money just starts hemorrhaging. Losing $10k in a week is not that hard to do when you are averaging $1500 to $2000 a day in buy-ins. But I also realize there is nothing I can do but play my best, stick to my bankroll management and then just let the results happen.

Yikes the whole week!

2010-08-06T15:17:00.000-07:00

I played some higher risk stuff today and got semi-deep meaning I made it to like the last 20% but I just can't finish anything. 7 of the 8 tourneys I played I lost on just regular old bad beats, coolers, and lost races. The 8th was the most important one I was playing the $200 cubed FTOPs and I just went nutty in a hand with GrampaJeff/Jeffbeesdat.

I smooth called with AJo on the button. Flop came 6Q3 and he didn't fire which is weird for him because he fires like 100% on that flop. Turn was a 7. He fired and I figured he had AK so I raised the turn. He called. And now I put him exactly on AQ. River was a 4. And the pot and my stack were basically equal. So now the decision was if I push can he fold. I thought he could since my line looks so much like a set, an overpair, or even 45. But obviously it also has a bluff in there sometimes. I took my time, decided to shove and he called. And there went my last chance to cash.

I am kicking myself right now, but it might not be that bad. It's really hard to review hand histories when you are downswinging and I'm downswinging so bad this week that I don't know whether I suck, whether my confidence is just crushed, or whether it really is just bad luck.

I am taking tonight off to go play in my home game and tomorrow off and then will be back at it on Sunday. Hopefully things turn around soon....

Yikes take three!

2010-08-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

I cashed in 1 tourney to end the cashless streak but it was just a mincash in the smallest tourney I play (a $26 FO on Tilt). So yeah, I need to staunch the money flow out.

yikes take 2

2010-08-04T20:28:00.001-07:00

I have played full sessions these last two days and haven't cashed in one single tourney. 0 for 32. Mostly just really unlucky, for sure some marginal calls, but mostly just really unlucky.

Just a week ago I was loving the poker lifestyle. Right now I feel almost sick to my stomach. Just brutal. I am now in like a $5k hole for the month which I need to try to work myself out of.

Ok - enough whining. I know no one likes to read it.

Yikes

2010-08-03T19:36:00.000-07:00

I am having one of those days where nothing goes right. Trying to keep the whining to a minimum but that's all that's happening.

Back home and still being lazy

2010-07-31T17:57:00.000-07:00

I got back from Reno yesterday and even though we only went for the one day and night I had a blast. Two buddies of mine from the home game I play in and myself went to Reno and played in a $200 Freezeout that they have going. The tourney started at noon and we were all out of it by like 7:30 so we spent the rest of the night bowling, boozing and just having a good time.

My wife has had a really stressful last two weeks or so because not only did she have to keep working her horrific work schedule but she also had to prepare for M n' Ms where basically the chief residents get grilled by all of the attendings in front of everyone. She did well and has this weekend off so we are just trying our best to do nothing.

We watched some TV, went to the river and walked the dog, and are planning on going to the movies tonight and then sleeping in late tomorrow. She starts nights again tomorrow night which means I will actually try and get some serious poker in again this next week.

Off to Reno + some advice

2010-07-29T07:46:00.000-07:00

A couple friends and I are going to Reno today to play in a $200 tourney and then hopefully to have some fun tonight. The place has a bowling alley and a driving range and plenty of booze so it should be fun. We are just going for the day and coming back tomorrow.

I have been joined to another skype chat group and I am a poker strat whore so I love talking about the game. One of the guys is going through a downswing and is bemoaning his luck and complaining about how poker is 100% luck and that he doesn't have any and blah blah meow chow. I know I get in this same mindset when I am downswinging as well.

Here is how I responded (I need to come back and read this post when I go through my next downswing):

Take a break - spend a day or two reviewing HHs, ghosting other players, watching vids, but definitely don't play.

Take a deep breath, look at your overall results - are you a winning player overall? Are you simply having a bad year? Or do you actually suck and need to work on your game? Be honest with yourself.

Right now you are in a total whiny bitchfest and believe that poker somehow "owes" you something; you are never "due" in poker; odds don't change depending on how you are running; all you can do in tourneys is play as optimally as you possibly can and let the results come... and they will come.

But when you start equating poker to blackjack which is what you are doing it becomes harder and harder to get out of that shitty emotional state.

gl trying - I am off to Reno

Getting back into it slowly

2010-07-27T17:27:00.000-07:00

I spent most of yesterday just being lazy. I attempted to review my UB HH but it only got to like the midway point of the final table and then cut off for some unknown reason and that's when I went from 1st down to out in 5th which is what I wanted to check on.

I am also attempting to learn some new games so that I can play in events other than just hold'em next year and in the future.

I have some experience playing Omaha Hi/Lo but I am have basically none in any of the other games. So I have been playing some stud hi with moderate success so far. I don't know if it's because I am actually playing well or just running well at this point tho.

I just finished my afternoon session and my only cash was a 27th in the $55 90k on Stars. But after playing for 5 1/2 hours today I am calling it a day.

Sunday Final Table

2010-07-25T21:58:00.000-07:00

I got 5th in the UB/AP 200k for $11.8k. It's the second time I have final tabled this tourney in the last 2 months and a 5 figure score is always nice but I was definitely disappointed not to take it down since I was chip leader with like 6 to go and then just could not make anything happen and eventually lost a cooler late.

Anyhoo, I might go to Reno this week and play some live poker, if not I will just continue to grind it up here at home.

Back to the Grind

2010-07-22T21:59:00.000-07:00

I put in my first double session since I have been back. My method of playing online MTTs is to fire up around 8 tourneys between noon and 1 pm as my first session and then just play them until I am done. Then if that session does not go so well I will fire up another session sometime around 5-6 pm and play another 8-10 tourneys. On Tuesday and Wednesday I only played in my afternoon session.

But today I bricked my first 8 tourneys this afternoon so I was done early and decided to play a second session. I played 10 more tonight that started between 5 and 6:30.

After having what I felt was a really good session yesterday where I cashed in 1/2 of my tourneys, I was getting frustrated today because I wasn't getting deep or making the money in anything. In the end I did make a push in the $163 75k on Tilt and ended in 14th which as always is frustratingly close but a sign that I am playing well.

Since I have been back I have played 33 tourneys in 4 sessions, and have cashed in 7 of them with lots and lots of deep runs but no huge scores. In the end this means nothing since it is such an incredibly small sample size to really gather anything from but it does always feel good to play well.

Now the goal is to make sure that I don't get into the "if a couple of hands would have fallen my way I could be on a true heater" mindset. Because when I start thinking like that I generally start to think I am "due for some good luck" and make some overly aggressive moves which causes me to lose my stack at the midpoints of some tourneys. Instead I really need to continue to just focus on playing every hand as well as I can and let the results happen.

Back Home for a Bit

2010-07-20T19:17:00.000-07:00

I got back home last night and after basically being gone from my house for the past 6 weeks it feels good to be back home.

Since my wife is working nights I basically need to get out of the house and let her get her sleep during the day so I played an afternoon session today and it went well.

I got 6th in the $10 rebuy on Stars for like $3k and felt like I just played real well overall. Even though I would have liked to win, it is always nice to start back on a good note.

My plan for the next month is to grind the online game, get in as much volume as I can, do some poker lessons, and then I am back to being a traveling man next month with some weddings in Portland and Madison and a weekend trip to Tahoe.

Vacationing

2010-07-12T12:05:00.000-07:00

I drove back to L.A. immediately after busting the Main Event and made it back in record time. A whole slew of cousins and their kids were visiting my dad so the house was packed until yesterday and I am one of those people who actually enjoy spending time with family (I have friends who dread it) so I was a happy camper. None of them really understand what exactly my job entails but they all think it is pretty cool that I play poker for a living, so having them all believe that I am some sort of "balla'" is kind of fun too.

My sister and her brood are also out here for this week so my plan is to go down to their rental house in Laguna Beach tomorrow and hang out with them for a couple of days and then head back up to Santa Barbara for a retry of my father-in-law's marriage, then off to somewhere in Central California for a couple of days of camping/waterskiing with my L.A. family, and finally back home to Sactown.

I have a whole bunch of traveling planned next month to Tahoe/Portland/Madison as well. So between all of my Vegas/L.A./Santa Barbara excursions this last month and my planned trips next month I don't know how much poker I will actually be putting in. Thankfully my WSOP was at least mildly profitable so I'm just going to play when I can and take it from there.

Busto

2010-07-09T17:47:00.001-07:00

Pretty quick exit today.

I got KQs twice and called about a 1k open and folded psotflop when I totally bricked.

Took me down to about 13k. I then KQo and went with the go'n'go versus a guy who had just won a big pot by raising to 3800 when he opened to 1200 preflop. Flop came Q hi. I shoved a potsized bet. He had AQo and snapped me. GG me.

I am obviously upset that I didn't cash, but I am very happy that I decided to play. It is a great great structure, and I am glad to have gotten the first Main Event under my belt.

Thank you to all who invested in me.

Up and down Day 1

2010-07-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

Disappointing end to such a good start. I chipped up nicely before the dinner break and had like 55k at dinner. I talked with my wife and told her that I was going to play cautiously after the dinner break because I was happy with my stack and felt I could do some damage heading into day 2...

Then all hell broke loose. The big pot was my two pair which lost to a bigger two pair for 20k. Other than that it was a bunch of 3 outers that kept binking on my on the turn or river.

I do still have like almost 16k heading into day 2 where blinds will start at 200/400 and then go up to just 250/500. So I have almost 3 hours of 30+ BB poker and I know how to play that stack very well. I obviously need some run goot tomorrow but I still feel good about my play.

Main Event looking likely

2010-07-05T14:45:00.000-07:00

So I made an ad late last night for the Main Event and by this afternoon I have only just over $2k more that I need to sell out. I tried getting access to put up a thread on 2+2 as well because people told me that I would sell out super fast over there, but I need to wait like 48 hours for approval to post there and by that time I want to be heading to Vegas. But it still looks like I'll be able to sell out anyways.

No matter what I will be heading out to L.A. tomorrow. From there I'll just see how it goes.

** UPDATE ** I am definitely going. I have sold all but one share and if that doesn't sell then I will just buy it myself. The plan now is to leave for L.A. tomorrow and then for Vegas on Wednesday.

Main Event??

2010-07-05T00:12:00.000-07:00

I have very last minute decided that I want to try and play in the Main Event this year. I have put up a BAP at PTP and we'll just see how much interest I get and whether I can sell out in 2 days.

If it doesn't work out - not a huge loss. If I sell out - I am really pumped to play in my first Main Event!

Back Home

2010-06-29T16:06:00.000-07:00

Well I was expecting the weekend to be somewhat eventful with a wedding planned and time being fleeting. Instead we changed my wife's ticket back home so that she could leave Monday morning rather than Sunday evening; the wedding was postponed; and we were just treated like royalty and had a really enjoyable weekend hanging out with family in beautiful Santa Barbara. Another bonus was that I only had to be dragged to one open-house (my wife and mother-in-law like going to open houses even when we aren't anywhere close to looking for a house anytime soon).

The drive back was uneventful and I had my dog chula as a companion which is always nice. Today I slept in and have just been super lazy. The rest of this week my plan is to get the house back in order; pay back my WSOP backers; and then I have to do some tax stuff because the IRS somehow thinks the $14k I made in a live tourney back in 2008 wasn't reported to them even though it was part of my total profit that year which I reported to them when I filed as a "poker player."

No more WSOP 2010 for me

2010-06-24T17:28:00.000-07:00

An abysmal day was my ending to my 2010 WSOP. I just never got anything going. To be honest, I am not really devastated. Vegas wears me down and I am at my wearing down point. I think I managed much better this year than last year but after over 3 weeks here, 18 tourneys played, and not seeing my wife or dog for that whole time, I am ready to go home.

My father-in-law is getting remarried this weekend so I am heading to Santa Barbara tomorrow and will be back in Sac-town early next week.

All in all I am very happy with how this series went. I made another final table. Hung out with some cool people and thought I played very well. GL to all of those that are still playing and are staying for the main event.

One more to go....

2010-06-23T17:15:00.000-07:00

Today was just meh - gross finish. I chipped up nicely with no showdowns and had doubled my starting stack by the end of 4 levels of play.

I had 9500 at 100/200 at the end of level 4 and just got moved to a new table. I open to 525 with JQs from EP and get one caller - guy who was on tilt raises to just 1375. I didn't get the feeling that he had a monster, but I also wasn't willing to 4-bet and get it in in a stupid situation so I call the 850 more leaving me with just over 8k.

Flop come 72T with two of my suit. I check, other guy checks, original raiser bets 2500ish. I ldo shove and he wakes up with A9s. So my 15 outs quickly diminished to just 6 and I didn't get there.

Tomorrow is the 2500 mixed holdem. It will be my last event no matter what but I am looking forward to it as there will likely be few entries and I am expecting some pretty bad play in both portions.

Not a lot to add

2010-06-22T17:51:00.000-07:00

I've just been grinding and busting out around dinner time of tourneys the past 4 days. Playing very well still just not running as well. I am playing 1 or 2 more WSOP events (depending how I do tomorrow) and then I am packing it up and heading home. All in all it has been a good series. I have maintained a good emotional state, I am playing very well, I am working out everyday, but I am also ready to go home.

1 week in Vegas is fun. 2 weeks gets draining. 3 weeks and home starts seeming better and better everyday.

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T16:41:00.000-07:00

It wasn't such a happy day for me as I busted the $1k after just 4 levels of play but still feel like I am playing very well. So I hope all the dads out there fared better than I did.

I have decided that Thursday's WSOP event (a mixed NL/Limit tourney) will be my last one this year. If I bust early, I will head to Santa Barbara for a wedding, but in any case it will be my last hurrah this year.

I had a blast this weekend with guys from FTR but it will feel good to just relax tonight, get some good sleep and then tomorrow get back into the workout, play poker, routine.

The plan this week is to play the Venetian tourneys tomorrow and Tuesday and then the WSOP events on Wednesday and Thursday. I am due for a cash so hopefully I can get one more big score before I go.

Time for some time off

2010-06-18T10:50:00.000-07:00

I played the $2110 Venetian yesterday and in the best structure tourney that I was going to play this entire month I lost my entire stack on the first hand I played. But still think I played it fine.

Starting with 20k in chips I raised Ah5h to 300 from the CO and got flatted by the button. Pot has 750.

Flop is Kh2d4s I bet 425 and button calls. Pot is now 1600.

Turn is the 3d. I figured button has a mid pair or the K so I check since after floating there he is going to fire so often. He bets 750, I c/r to 2200. He takes some time and 3-bets me to 6200. So now it is decision time for me. If I call then the pot will have like 14k and I will have like 13 k behind so I'd be committing myself to the pot with the 2nd nuts. If I fold it means I am putting him on 56 and 56 only. I thought his range included hands like a set, AdKd, another A5 and the occassional bluff as well as 56 so I pushed because I was OOP and I wanted to get it in good against any of the hands that I am beating and I don't see him folding getting 2:1 at this point. He had 5s6s. GG me.

I also played the $350 Limit tourney which started an hour later and played fine but ran bad (AA<55, QQ
There are a whole bunch of people coming into town this weekend so I am definitely taking today and tomorrow off. I might play the $1 k WSOP on Sunday depending on how I feel after this weekend. There are also now distinct possibilities that next week will be last week of the series as I might very well be heading to a wedding in Santa Barbara.

Just Grinding

2010-06-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

I have been playing every day and busting out early in fairly standard coolerish spots. A whole gang from the FTR crew come in on Friday so I am trying to get my live volume in as I will likely be taking this weekend off for some drunken debauchery.

I am playing the $1500 NL Event tomorrow and then will play things by ear. There is a $2100 event at the Venetian on Thursday which I may play, but if lots of the FTR guys are around I will probably just hang out with them.

Ridiculously Swingy Day

2010-06-13T18:06:00.000-07:00

I start the day with the kid who busted me last year at my Final Table directly on my left. Our table gets broken up quickly and I say a little thanks since he is a tough player and I didn't really want him on my left. Of course he shows up at my new table and is once again seated directly on my left. Within 30 minutes both Phil Gordon (a known live pro) and another kid who made the final table with me last year are also seated to my left.

I lose a big pot to Phil when he turns a flush and I had Top pair with a good kicker and I am down to just 650 chips at 25/50 blinds. I proceed to suck out when my AJ beats AQ and am back to 1400.

I then get moved to another table and now I have Shawn Buchanan, who was done really well in WPT events, two to my left. I am fortunate to get AA versus another guy's KK and double up to like 3500. I again suck out with AJ when I turned both TP and a flush draw against a strangely played AK and binked a river flush to move me back up to like 7k. I chip up to around 9k by playing some pots with Shawn who was playing lots and lots of pots and just c-betting everytime. I then make a bluff against a weekend warrior and show it and chip up to over 11k at the end of level 4.

When we get back from that break blinds are now 100/200 so I am sitting pretty with over 50 BBs. My friend Matt who plays in my home game in Sacramento is here in town dealing for the Series and he sits down to deal at my table. Shawn opens, a young internet kid calls and I look down and see JJ. I 3 bet, Shawn folds and the kid reshoves. I think for a bit - range him on AA, TT-, AQ-, and occassionally just a bluff. I really didn't think he would have QQ, KK or AK because I think he would have 3-bet those hands pre. So I called, and unfortunately he had AA. Swing time back down to 3500.

It folds to me in the CO, I have KJo. I shove my 17 BBs, Shawn calls with 99 and I lose the race and am down to less than 1 BB with just 150 chips. I quadruple up to 600 when AK holds. Very next hand I get JJ again and shove and get called by both blinds so I have a shot to get back to around 2k. Unfortunately the BB had JQ and he flopped a Q. So out I went.

It was just a weird day. I actually had a lot of fun. My tables were talkative. I never like to lose, but I am fine with how I played. Tomorrow I am playing the $2500 6 max tourney. Tonight I will just watch the game and relax.

Long Day Today - Back at it Tomorrow

2010-06-13T01:52:00.000-07:00

I played the $350 Venetian tourney and after 12 hours of play I mincashed it for like $322 profit. I really like how I played, still feel very good about my game. Tomorrow I am playing the $1k WSOP event.

Back to the Grind

2010-06-12T10:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's tourney was similar to my last one. I started off well and then just nosedived. I made one mistake where I misplayed AQ postflop, but other than that I just ran poorly, and you need to run well in Limit.

I am planning on playing my first Venetian event today since I would rather play the $1k WSOP on Sunday when all the internet kids stay at home and grind online.

Quick WSOP Update

2010-06-11T10:18:00.000-07:00

I planned on playing a full online schedule yesterday but had some connectivity issues so I quickly unregged for the remainder of my tourneys and only played in 3. So I went over to the Shady Akers house and watched the Lakers game and then went out to dinner at Naked Fish with a couple of the guys.

Today my plan is to watch some World Cup, get in a workout, and then head over to the RIO and play the $2500 Limit 6 max tourney which begins at 5 pm.

Gross Day

2010-06-09T19:07:00.000-07:00

I had an unusually tough table from the get go at my Limit tourney today. The one fish at the table got picked off pretty early and was unfortunately replaced with Matt Matros (who won the tourney I final tabled last week). After that everyone at the table was good. There was no limping pre, no coldcalling raises or 3-bets, people actually folded their BB with trash... which meant that I basically had to hope for a good run of cards and hold up by the river - I didn't.

My plan is to play online tomorrow because I want to play the $2500 6 max limit tourney on Friday.

Just relaxing

2010-06-08T15:08:00.000-07:00

Vegas always seems to throw my sleep schedule way out of whack. I have had no problem falling asleep this year but I keep waking up every morning between like 7-8 after going to bed anywhere between 2-3 am. Since I am used to 8+ hours of sleep a night, I have been pretty tired so it feels good to just sit around and not do much of anything but surf the internet and watch some tv.

I have been working out everyday and feel like I am starting to get my wind back. I am using the elliptical at the little fitness room they have at my rental condo and have been playing basketball every Monday and Wednesday at a rec center in Henderson with some other poker players. So I am not being a total couch potato.

Yesterday I went to party with a bunch of PTPers and had a good time just shooting the shit, watching the huge gas grill almost burn the house down, and hanging out by the pool. Not planning on doing much today other than get in another workout, watching the Laker game and then going to bed. Tomorrow I am back to the grind in the 2k Limit Event. I will post updates on Twitter.

Twitter

2010-06-07T12:10:00.001-07:00

I synched up my phone with twitter so I now will update how I am doing in each event by tweeting if you want to follow me. My screen name is pretty obvious - chardrian.

Final Table Thoughts

2010-06-07T08:09:00.000-07:00

I finished 5th in Event # 12 which was a Limit (one bet at a time) event for $43k. Pokernews is not doing a stellar job of reporting and they now have a monopoly on live updates as the WSOP is only letting the other poker reporting outlets (PTP, Bluff, etc.) post one hand an hour, so if you were trying to follow me and couldn't - well that's why.

Anyhoo I made one big bluff and binked a fullhouse prior to the final table to get me to the final table with a decent stack. I then basically chipped up a bit/maintained my stack until my final 2 hands.

Hand 1 - I have QQ in mid/late position (I don't remember if I was the hijack or CO). Terrence Chan who was the chipleader opens, and Matt Matros who had been on a rush and chipped back up 3-bet. Matt had recently been 3-betting a lot against both Terrence and Georgios who were on his right since they were the two most active players and he was trying to isolate them and get his hands heads-up with position postflop. So I had been waiting for a spot to cold 4-bet since I had position on him. I look down and see the QQ and realize this was a value 4-bet spot so I do just that. Both Terrence and Matt call.

Flop comes 79T with two spades which is a pretty horrendous flop for me. They both check, I obv fire, Terrence raises, and Matt 3-bets. And I now curse my luck and internally say wtf is going on? Terrence easily has a flushdraw, 88, JJ, AJ, or even JQ or QK here, so his c/r did not bother me that much. But when Matt 3-bet the only hand I could put him on that I was beating was JJ. So when the only hands I MIGHT be beating are 2 big draws and it is very likely that Matt has hit a set I fold my QQs. The turn was a J which Terrence c/raised. The river was a K (which would have given me a straight if I had played like a tard and stayed in the hand) and they flipped over JJ and 99.

So I played the hand perfect but I still lost chips, and late in a tourney like this you basically really need to win every pot you enter so it was frustrating to lose with the huge favorite hand preflop.

Hand 2 - my next big hand came pretty quickly after the dinner break. Georgios was a Greek player who I had tangled with in a couple of big pots with previously. He liked to raise my turn bets, but I always had the goods and 3-bet him so he was in my mind looking for a spot to get even with me. He opened very wide from the button. I look down to AA in the BB after he raised the button yet again. I decide to just smooth call, with the plan of trying to get value on the turn by check/raising since that is when the big bets happen in Limit. Flop comes Td9h2h. I check, he bets, I call and the trap is still on. The turn is another 9. I check, he bets, I raise, and he tank calls. At this point I am thinking that I am way ahead. The river is a J and it does not complete any flushes. It is sort of a gross card, because it does complete a straight (either 78 or QK were possible holdings) but he so likely has an underpair or a hand like TJ-AT that I have to fire the river for value. He raises my river bet and now I tank and have to decide whether to just call and leave myself with a measly 70k (blinds were at 10/20k) or if I am ahead and want to try and get more value by 3-betting. In the end I decide that his river raise is just too strong and call and he shows 99 for a turned quads.

I went out in 5th shortly thereafter but did make one last good fold which blinded me all the way down to 40k but allowed me to make $10k more in actual money because the other short stack at the table who actually had more chips then I did went out before me.

I was and still am very disappointed/frustrated at my finish in a strictly results oriented/bad beat way of thinking. I am, however, very happy in my play at the final table.

I am taking today, and probably tomorrow off and will get back to playing in another Limit event on Wednesday.