Back to it

So between taking time off to clean the house and yard, having my friend Adil come up for the weekend, and taking yesterday off to spend time with the wife, I haven't played since my win last Tuesday.

I know I take too much time off, but I feel refreshed and am excited to play again. I am sure I will bemoaning my luck soon enough, but it is always nice to come back playing in the correct state of mind. I also feel extremely fortunate that I am able to just say "meh I don't feel like working tomorrow, so I won't."

I played an afternoon session today and whiffed it but every hand I busted out on was completely standard so I have no real bad feelings. I was asked to play volleyball again tonight so I am going to do that and then tomorrow and Wednesday should be full schedule playing days.

I also got a week trial pass at a local gym so I am going to try my best and get there at least 3 days this week.

Psyche restored

So as is often the case after a big win of mine, I take the day off and just get some of the crap that I leave undone when I am grinding done. I cleaned the house, made some pinto beans, some breakfast potatoes, and chicken chiliquiles.

We recently started getting fresh veggies from local farms delivered to our house so I am thinking how I am supposed to cook the kale and red chard we got, but I am not a big leafy veggie guy so I can't think of anyway that will be appetizing so it will probably just stay in the fridge until I throw it out.

Anyhoo, I can't believe how much better I feel simply by getting that huge weight off my shoulders last night. I also realize how fortunate I am - that was by far my longest downswing ever, and I know that many many other pro players have gone through much worse. So I also realize that I need to continue working on my mental toughness.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

I took down the $162 50k guarantee on Stars for over $17k. So the downswing is officially over. Scary thing is that huge huge win just brings me back to even for the year.

My friends who I talk to on vent are also happy campers because they don't have to listen to whine and bitch for at least a little while now.

Tomorrow I clean up the house, do my state taxes and maybe play a night session.

Still leaking

I continue to plug on, I continue to get frustrated. I did final table something today but it was the smallest tourney I play and so even with a final table I ended up losing money on the day.

I did have people watch me play today and the consensus is that I am playing well and just not running well so that is somewhat of a relief as well.

So I will continue to keep plugging away this week, and just continue to keep re-evaluating and hopefully (pretty please?) this thing will swing around soon.

Still can't break through

Poker continues to go poorly results wise. I still feel like I am playing very well overall (although I have been making some "screw it" mistakes) but I just can't get that one elusive big score to break me out of the slump.

The one silver lining is that even though I am down over $10k for the year, even though I am still making my monthly withdrawals, my bankroll is not totally depleted. In previous times it is very likely I would have tried to chase my losses at bigger cash games and blown through even more of my roll. But this time I have maintained my composure and my bankroll and so I still have enough that I can play up to $300 tourneys which means I still give myself a shot everyday I play to make that $15k+ score.

It is going to happen... it's just a matter of when.

Actually got out of the house

I played an afternoon session today and then was invited to sub in for a volleyball game tonight so I jumped at the opportunity. I am out of shape, and haven't played for ages, but it was fun. And even better, my knee didn't really bother me at all while I was playing - it is hurting now, but it didn't hurt while I was jumping.

Tomorrow I will finally play a full afternoon and evening session.

Back to it

This will be the last weekend in a long time that my wife actually has time off, so we enjoyed it. We slept in, got some gardening done, I made a really nice meal last night, and then today we had a late breakfast and I didn't start playing until the Sunday million started at 1:30.

I again am playing well. I cashed 4 out of the 10 tourneys I played. But I still just can't finish anything out. Losing flips, not getting paid with my monsters, same old same old. I am actively working on stopping the whining, and the focusing on how crappy I am running and am really trying to just focus on results and then go from there.

I am not planning on doing a whole lot interesting this week other than really trying to put in some volume, so I will just keep plugging away and hopefully bink something off soon enough.

1/2 timing it

I have put in 3 afternoon session this week and am making the money a lot and feel like I am playing super well but I haven't had the mental fortitude to play a night session because I keep almost making a final table, bubbling it, and then being too frustrated to put any more volume in.

A 19th, a 15th, and today a 14th and it just is eating me up. If I were giving advice to myself I would tell me to keep playing well, don't let the frustration make you spew, and the results will come. But being in the midst of a string where it just seems no matter I do I can't break through, makes me wonder if the results ever really will come.

Vacation Pics

One of my law school professor's writes a blog and also travels pretty frequently so when I saw pics of her trip to Tobago a year ago I kept it in my mind that that looks like a nice place to go.

So with that as basically my only guide I convinced my wife and her family that for her February vacation we should go to Tobago. The flights were relatively cheap so we booked it. I found a nice condo directly on the beach on the Caribbean side of the island.

We luckily ended up on a gorgeous beach that was very uncrowded, soft sand, warm water, waves that were fun enough to play in but not so huge that any of us ever felt nervous, and a long stretch of calm open water so that we could take nice long swims. For our family at least this is heaven.

We did spend one day traveling to a couple of different beaches that had better snorkeling so we got to see some more of the island, but after that day we realized how much we enjoyed just relaxing at our own digs on the beach, with our own pool to rinse off, so we stayed put. And enjoyed the sunsets and cocktails from our own deck, watched the locals pull in their fishing nets, and just had a really really relaxing and good time.

Back Home

After over a week of rest and relaxation, I have finally made it back home. We went to Tobago for a week with my wife's family and had a great time. I will try and post pics and a recap later this week.

For now, I am pooped after the long ass drive from L.A. back to Sacramento. Tomorrow I will get back to work.

Good time for vacation

I again feel like I played really well and just didn't get rewarded. I money bubbled the $320 Quarter Million on Stars when my AA got cracked by KK. I then got 8th in a deepstack tourney on UB. I got 13th in the $30 rebuy, and I got like 20th in the $215 sniper on UB as well.

So lots of deep finishes, even a final table, and a grand total of barely positive for the day. All 4 of those tourneys paid over 10k for first. And two of them paid well over $10k. So bricking out was once again.... just frustrating.

So it's a good time for a mental break and I'm looking forward to take it. I don't know how much I will be blogging for the next week or so...

Perspective

Prepare for a rambling post.

I am in the midst of a downswing exceeding $10k and it is playing a major clusterfuck on my psyche. I know that to many of my internet wunderkid counterparts this is a drop in the bucket, but to me it is the biggest downswing I have ever been on... and to be honest hearing that others have lost more money than I have isn't very reassuring, it's downright frightening. The game draws fewer and fewer recreational players, and more and more of the players in the pool are using poker training sites and forums and are becoming better players which makes the games tougher and tougher. A 100% ROI which was the common goal just 3-4 years ago is basically unheard of now - there are high volume button pushers out there who are now happy with just 10-20% ROIs.

So what does this mean for me? Fuck if I know. Were my last 7 consecutive winning months an anomaly or is this month the outlier? Can I expect things to turn around and still attain at least a 50% ROI this year or am I going to struggle to achieve a 20% ROI? I don't know.

What I do know is that I will put in a full session tomorrow. I will take my time and make as good of decisions as I possibly can in each spot and I will let the results come. And then I will go on vacation for the rest of the month and just concentrate on having a good time with my wife and family.

I have no idea what this year will bring, and that vast unknown is what takes a little bit of the luster of this lifestyle. But I do know that I am healthy, that I am at least borderline smart and have the capability of adjusting, and the only thing I can control is my decision making - so I will concentrate on that and keep hoping for the best.

I don't know what to say

I know that reading a blog that only talks about how frustrated I am because I can't win lately has got to be the most boring thing ever to read. But it's either that or don't post at all.

The downswing continues and my head is definitely not in a real good place, but I also don't see any glaring mistakes that I am making. So all I can do is keep pushing through it.

We go on vacation soon, so no matter what I will be taking some time off. Until then I am going to just keep grinding.

Ok it's officially a downswing

I still feel like I am playing well but I also know that I am getting frustrated so I might be spewing in some spots.

Again I haven't put in tons of volume this year so my sample size is still small but I do know I am down close to $8k over my last 100 tourneys. And it just sucks.

I had a very vivid dream last night of me making over $35k in one tourney so hopefully I dream well.

I am taking the rest of today off, and then will hang out with my wife for a bit tonight and then go play my live game. Tomorrow I will be back grinding.

I put in a full session today...

but no results. I am in one of those phases where I am actually making the money on a regular basis but I just can't finish anything off. The vast majority of my earnings come from making final tables and from there getting a top 3 score so while making the money is nice because it staunches the moneyflow out it doesn't really do anything else.

I have only played 224 tourneys total this year and I am basically break even (actually I am up $763) - so it isn't even that I am "downswinging" I am just not upswinging. I feel like I am playing really well right not tho, so hopefully I will win one of these important races late in a tourney and break out with a nice score soon.

When my mom visits we eat well

My mom came to visit for this last weekend and in general when she comes we take things very easy - we walk the dog, watch some tv, talk a bunch, and just relax. But where we don't relax is when it comes to food. My mom is a very good cook so it always nice to have her here and learn a bit from her in the kitchen.

Our big food festival this weekend was a starter of dates stuffed with goat cheese and wrapped in salami; shrimp cooked two ways (breaded and sauteed); my rasberry/gorgonzola/walnut salad; and then since I don't like shrimp, I made a NY strip steak.

mmm, mmm, mmm.

On the poker front, I will be back at it the rest of this week so hopefully the run good will hit me.

Days like today are why so many grinders don't make it

I actually only played an afternoon session today and I played super well. Only to lose money for the day.

I managed to get my way into the money in 3 of the 8 tourneys I played only to finish in 22nd, 27th, and 18th and the three I cashed were the smallest buy-in tourneys I play... So even though I waded through over 1800 players in one tourney, and over 2 thousand players in another, I still managed to lose over $200 on the day.

I wish I was a better writer because I would love for others to be able to understand my frustration of playing that well for that long only to wind up doing my bookkeeping at the end of the night with absolutely no results. Yet with my paltry writing skills at least, the frustration remains indescribable.

Just keeping on

I was supposed to do a coaching session this afternoon but it fell apart so I played a small session this afternoon and then another session this evening. I am still playing really well but the poker mojo just didn't run my way today.

I did get to watch my Bagers run over the Spartans which was fun and also was able to watch Lost tonight so all in all it wasn't a horrible day.

Sundays = Online poker

Fridays might be my night to actually get out and play live poker but Sundays are the signature say to play lots of good value tourneys online. I woke up tired and a bit hungover so I just put in a half session but was pleased with how I played. I didn't get any huge scores but I gave myself as good of a chance as possible in every tourney I played and that really is all I can ask for.

Fridays = live poker

Friday night means that my live poker game at a house not too far from where I live takes place. It is the one day of the week where I am assured to actually get out of the house and talk to people face to face rather than over a headset while seated at my computer. The game is full of genuinely good people who are at least decent at poker, so I always have a good time.

I am going to spend the afternoon cleaning up the house. Tomorrow night I will spend with my wife, and then hopefully I will be back fully recharged for a good Sunday.