Back Home Again

I'm not super keen on announcing my future vacations on this blog just because I don't really love announcing that our house is going to be empty for a decent period of time. So that's why I wasn't updating a lot recently. My wife had a week off and we headed to Santa Barbara. She had to do quite a bit of work while she was there so it wasn't a super exciting vacation, but it was nice, as always, to just relax and be treated like royalty. My sister's kids are the biggest germ carriers I've ever come in contact with so whenever I visit them, I get sick, so unfortunately I spent a good part of this last week recovering from a nasty head cold.

Anyhoo, I just got back from the 6 hour drive home. I am meeting with a couple of realtors tomorrow. And then I hope to be getting back into the poker swing later this week as well. Right now I am more worried about getting the house ready to be put on the market then anything else, so we'll just see how poker fits in and I'll go from there.

Driving Miss Daisy Coming to an End

So I've spent the last half-week here in Dallas. My only true job duty was to drive my sister's kids to school (and one ballet lesson) and pick them up. My mom was also here so her duty was more of the true childcare role and I have to admit that she took the vast vast majority of that role so I had somewhat of a cakewalk. I was able to sleep in. I didn't have to wipe any butts or make any meals. But I did at least give her a bit of a break every day when I played with them and bounced them on the trampoline, or pushed them on the swings. Anyhoo, I am heading back home tomorrow and my real life will be ready and waiting for me.

My backer has decided to let me go and I really can't blame him. I have been a losing/breakeven player since August so paying me to either lose money or breakeven just doesn't make a lot of sense financially. 90% of a negative to a breakeven number is still a loss...

I thought about trying to keep putting my salary deal out there but I have decided that I am just going to bite the bullet and resume playing on my own dime. To be honest even though it definitely adds stress, I am also looking forward to it. I want poker to be my career. And if it is going to be my career then I either need to make money playing the game or I need to find another career. So it is sink or swim time for me, and I am hoping that everyone sees me swimming like Michael Phelps sooner rather than later.

Off to Dallas

My sister is going on vacation with her husband to some exotic place and needs someone to drive her kids to school and soccer and whatnot while she is gone, so I am heading off to Dallas tomorrow to re-enact Morgan Freeman's role in Driving Miss Daisy.

I have been working really hard this month so that I would be able to get my 400 tourneys in before I left for Dallas and I finished my 400th tonight. So far I am about as close to break even as you can get for the year (I am up $132.55 to be exact). I am really liking how I am playing lately. My in the money percentage is at close to 20% and I am getting deep in many different tourneys - I just need that elusive late run good and everything should fall into place.

Once I get back from Dallas my plan is to start calling realtors and tying up whatever loose ends are necessary to get our house on the market.

Broken Record Post

I almost didn't post this because I know it will sound like a broken record, but I haven't updated in a while and I don't want those who actually do check this blog out to think I have died.

So poker has been the same as it has for a long time for me. I am making a lot of deep finishes. Even a couple of final tables, but still just can't get that big score.

Everyone keeps telling me that all I can do is continue to put myself in the position to make the big scores and eventually they will come. My only worry is that maybe they just won't come anymore...

Back to winning

I was supposed to go to the driving range this morning, but it was raining so instead we just had breakfast and shot the shit. I then got some errands done this afternoon and put in a smallish session tonight. It started off about as bad as it can get with bad beats/lost races/and just getting brutalized over and over again with KK (either running it into AA or raising per getting called and having the flop come A hi). Anyhoo I stayed the course, ground it out and somehow managed to make a profit for the day.

The day was still frustrating - I got 2 14ths and one of them was in the 75k which I just seem to love final table bubbling; and my JJ lost to 55 all-in preflop for a 30+ BB pot at a $100 Final Table putting me out in fourth.

But.... I did also make two final tables and I am now back to just barely profitable for the new year. So instead of ruminating on the frustrations I am going to try and focus on the positives.

I am playing well. I am giving myself every opportunity to get deep in tourneys and get big scores. I am healthy and still get to make my own hours. So hopefully this will be a good way to kickstart my long weekend where I am heading to S.F. to hang out with my family.

I'll be back grinding away again next week.

Not a lot to report

We went to D.C. for a family reunion over New Year's which was short but sweet. I don't see my step-brothers very often so I enjoy it when I get to see them and their families. Watching the Badgers lose the Rose Bowl was disappointing but at least it was a really fun game to watch.

Pokerwise, the new year is unfortunately starting off very much the same way it ended. I play well, I get deep in some tourneys, I keep missing that elusive huge score. Tonight I played a small session after watching the Seahawks/Saints game and managed to final table and get 5th in the nightly 75k on Tilt. It was a nice chunk of change but it was also agonizingly close but not quite there to a huge score. 1st place was over $18k, and my fifth place finish was under $5k.

I will keep grinding and hopefully have a huge post to report soon.

Update

Between trying to grind out my last tourneys for the stake I am doing, traveling to Dallas for x-mas with my sister and family for 5 days before x-mas, having my wife's family come here for the x-mas weekend, and now getting ready to go to D.C. for New Year's I have been busy.

I love spending time with my family so I have really enjoyed the last couple of weeks.

If the clinic in Fresno agrees to the changes we suggested in my wife's contract, then she should soon be signing her contract and we should be moving to Fresno at some point around July next year.

Pokerwise this year has been so frustrating that I am glad that it is ending and that I can start fresh next year. It was a crazy up and down year and it ended so poorly that this is the first year that I actually lost money playing professionally. Over my last 1200 tourneys I am down close to $38k. Luckily with decent bankroll management, and staking myself I still will have a roll to grind when we finally make our move to Fresno. I am also an eternal optimist so I truly believe that next year will swing back around for me and that really big things could be in store for me pokerwise.

We shall wait and see...

I'm a lawyer again...

but hopefully not a practicing one anytime soon.

I swore in yesterday to make sure that I don't lose my bar privileges and then as soon as I get my bar card I will change my status to inactive so I don't have to pay the normal yearly dues.

The nice thing is that it appears to be relatively painless paperwork to become an active member again so if I need to start practicing law again I should be able to start the job search and start work quickly.

On the pokerfront the maddening, gross, frustrating results just keep piling up. I made another final table yesterday but all it did was make me break even for the day. I am still waiting for that one big score to make all those dark clouds dissipate. We shall see....

I saw another glimmer of light

I won the $55 6 max on Stars today. Feels good to win.

Another Deep Breath Time

We had a really small but nice thanksgiving. My wife's best friend from her residency program came over and I cooked a turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, the crescent rolls from a can, gravy, and a salad. The only dish that failed was the gravy which I don't eat anyways so all-in-all it was a success.

Poker has been such a mental clusterfuck this year that I have been really really bad about pushing the bad days away and remembering everything that I have to be thankful for. So a day away from the tables to regain some perspective is always a good thing. I have a great family, friends, my health, my dog, a job where I still get to sleep in until noon everyday. Life is good.

I continue to have difficulties focusing on how blessed/lucky/good life is when I am losing at the tables, but I will also continue to try and better myself in that regard.

I want the light back

I am continuing to just play one night session and just keep registering for tourneys until have hit somewhere around 20. Out of the 19 tourneys I played tonight I got another 17th, 13th, and 11th. When I finished my last tourney tonight in 17th place after another retardedly standard lost race I just started laughing. I mean my late luck is either going to get better, or its not.

On the non-poker front, it looks like we are going to have a small thanksgiving this year but I will be cooking a turkey nonetheless, which I need to get tomorrow.

A little more light

Another 3 more 10th-36ths but also another FT tonight. Again it was a small tourney so my total profit for the day wasn't much but my confidence level is much higher.

I also am back to playing backed, so it feels good to start the stake on a positive note.

A little light...

I got 4th in a $26 FO on Tilt for a little over $2k, and I also got a frustrating 32nd, 23rd, 21st, and 15th in 4 other tourneys. So while I made a little bit of money for the day, it still is hardly enough to cover my buyins for my next session.

I need to stop getting all of these 10th-36th place finishes and turn them all into final tables for life to start smelling like roses again.

Still Grinding

My potential fulltime backer wants to see how I play before he commits, which is perfectly understandable so I played on my own dime tonight. I basically wanted to see if I could get 20 tourneys in a night session - and I can. So I think for the near future I will no longer be playing my afternoon session and will just start playing at 5 pm and then just keep regging until I have registered for 20 tourneys.

I am tired right now so I actually haven't reviewed my play for the day. I feel like I was a little spewy early on in the night but then became very solid towards the end. I got another 10th in a tourney on FullTilt (surprise surprise) when I took another bad beat (KK

Bap has ended

So my first foray into a salary BAP ended and it ended with me losing money for my investors (including myself) which I never feel good about. I do feel really good about my game at the moment though so I am just going to keep playing.

My hope at the moment is that I am going to get staked for the next 7-8 months but if that doesn't work then I will just keep grinding on my own dime and hope for the best.

Hachcachchahhahcahha

I really felt like tonight was going to be the continuation of a heater. I made the final table of small 6 max tourney on Stars where I was the dominating chip leader with 2 tables left but then couldn't win a hand for the life of me and finished in 5th. And then I had a great stack going in the $30 rebuy on Tilt as well when I took a horrific bad beat with 16 left for a ginormous stack but still clawed my way back to like a 25 BB stack only to lose in 11th when my 99 couldn't outflip AK.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhh.

The sneaking thoughts of holy crap, if I win this tourney my stake is profitable AFTER paying me my salary made it feel like my legs were taken out from under me when it didn't materialize. Blech - that's my 9th final 2 table finish for this BAP compared to just 5 final tables. Oh well when the run good comes my way and those results flip then life will be peaches and cream again.

On the non-poker front, our washing machine went on the fritz so I am getting that fixed tomorrow.

I also have become somewhat enamored by the drama of the latest person on PTP (the staking site I use) to have rolled. He has recently fessed up that he has absconded with somewhere around $38k in his investor's money. This type of stuff happens unfortunately way too often but I am always bamboozled that no one ever contacts the authorities. I said as much in this thread. (my posts start around post #400). It seems like an almost too easy law exam question to me, and I am fairly confident that I could get a conviction if I tried this case. We'll see if anyone actually follows through...

A victory!

I chopped the $75 24k guarantee on Tilt for just under $7k. I am not jumping for joy since it still doesn't bring my stake to profitable, but at least it brings it back close to even. And I've got to say it is a confidence boost too. I have felt like I have been playing so damn good for the last month so to have no results was killing me.

Anyhoo, the stake will likely be completed by Friday and then I'm going to try and sell out the same deal. We'll see what happens...

Just continuing to grind

I had two more frustrating finishes on Sunday when I finished like 22nd and 31st in two different deep field tourneys that paid well over $15k to first. Then today was just awful results wise because I cashed 0 of 19 tourneys. But I reviewed my session today and my play is still very good.

I am also really happy with my mindset the last couple of sessions I have had. I have kept the whining to a minimum, I am really enjoying the times I win hands, and I am playing really well. So I am just going to keep at it and hope for the best.

I finished somewhat early tonight so I am going to go make some chicken and beans so that we can have some "real food" for the rest of the week.

Continue to get closer and closer

I finished 5th out of over 3000 entrants in the $10r for a little over $4k today on Stars. Again I am very very happy with my play, but still just want to close one of these stupid tourneys out again. I experienced some more bad luck at the end of this tourney when my AA was cracked by AK with 15 players left and took me down to 5 BBs. But I am super pleased with how I gutted it out and got back to the final table and gave myself every chance possible to actually win the tourney. 1st place in this tourney was over 14k and would have brought me out of the hole but again I just can't control my outcomes no matter how much I wish I could.

Tomorrow I play in my live game and then I am back at it on Sunday. I only have 113 tourneys left to play on this stake so I still think I should finish it by the end of next week.

Interview Time

My wife had interviews in Fresno and Bakersfield these last two days so I was her chauffeur. Her interviews went well, but she has a couple more to set up later this month and then hopefully we should know where we are ending up next year.

Pokerwise I am going to get back at it tomorrow night. I am hoping to have completed my 400 tourneys for my BAP by the end of next week.