4 weeks to go

Still just grinding the studying out. The bar exam is a 3 day exam. The 1st and 3rd day are the same format - 3 essays in the morning and then a "performance test" in the afternoon (basically this consists of being given a file to read and then pretend you're an underling lawyer and write a memo, so this part doesn't freak me out as much). The 2nd day is pure multiple guess (yeah, yeah I know it is really supposed to be multiple choice). So yesterday the bar review course gave us a practice multiple guess test.... and I'm not sure if they are trying to freak us out or not but I did worse on this exam than I did when I took the real bar in July after hardly studying at all. From what I can tell from other students in the class, everyone did pretty bad, but it's still pretty dumb to give a practice test that is way harder than anything we'll ever take.

In general this whole process is like one of those graphs we had to do in calculus. Totally up and down (vacilating might be the "correct" term). Some days I feel like I will pass no problem since all I need to do is get one level higher on each essay than I did when I took it in July and I should be able to do that since I'm studying this time. Other days I feel like no matter what I do, I am not going to memorize all of these stupid rules and I'm just destined to keep getting about the same score (this is basically an IQ test after all, and IQs shouldn't change).

Meh - enough whining. Whatever happens, happens. Just 4 more weeks to grind.

I have good moral character

Or at least that's what the state bar of California thinks. To get bar privileges you need to basically tell the state where you've been and what you've been doing since birth, and then give references who will basically say that "yes, it's true, chardrian has never been convicted of a felony." I remember the Wisconsin one being worse than California's but California took longer to determine that I am in fact morally qualified to practice law here.

Now, whether or not I am legally qualified (by passing this stupid test) is a whole other question. At this point I am feeling very overwhelmed, which is a rare feeling for me (I am generally verrrrrrrrrrrry laid back). Mostly because there is just too much stuff and I haven't memorized it yet, but also because I keep turning in these damn practice essays to my Bar/Bri course and keep failing them. Not only did I never fail an exam in law school, but I was usually towards the top of my class and now I keep failing which is not very good positive reinforcement.

Mostly, it's because I need to dumb it down a bit. You are supposed to use a system called IRAC where you first spot the issue, then you state the rule of law that applies to that issue, then you apply the facts to the rule and issue, and finally you give a conclusion. I was taught to give a conclusion at the beginning and at the end because judges want to know up front what you are arguing so I need to stop doing that I guess. And I also will often join the rule with the facts because it makes it a lot quicker and I think easier to read. But my reader doesn't seem to like that either, so I guess I will try and break it down more.

The whole thing is still pretty dumb though I think. A huge part of the exam is simply memorizing rules and their exceptions (e.g. contracts for goods over $500 must be in writing to be enforceable pursuant to the Statutue of Frauds - and then there are a whole bunch of exceptions to the rule). But in real practice, you don't really need to have any of these rules memorized because you can always just look them up. So my law school training focused more on spotting issues and then learning how to apply facts to rules rather than memorizing rules (except for Evidence I can't think of a class where we were not allowed to use an outline). This exam, on the other hand, focuses more on memorizing the stupid rules and there are just kazillions of them to memorize.

Anyhoo, I am still hating studying. But if I pass the exam at least I am now qualified to practice here.

Still studying

Well 2 weeks down and I'm still overwhelmed but grinding through it. As homework, the program gives us lots of multiple choice practice as well as practice essays. The problem is I spend so much time doing the questions that I don't have time to memorize the black letter law. So I keep having to cheat on the essays and look up the black letter law and then apply the facts. I am hoping that by doing enough of these the law will start to just sink in. The dumbest part of this bar exam is that it is basically a memorization test and in real life, lawyers don't really need to have anything memorized because you can always look stuff up (the only exception is perhaps knowing evidence if you have to go to trial, since you can't make an objection the day after). I am fine with spotting issues and applying facts to law - but I am bad at memorizing the exact law because I've never had to (even in law school we got to use outlines). 6 more weeks and it will be done.

On another note one of my poker forum buddies directed me to this. I thought it was pretty insightful. At this point in my life I still believe that poker is my calling and I'm looking forward to getting back into it once I'm done with this studying. That doesn't mean that I am positive this will be my calling forever and ever, but for now it is something I am passionate about and I feel fortunate to have a shot to work at something that is my passion. Hopefully it will all work out...

Contracts and Torts

So the first week is over, and I'm still alive, but barely. The course consists of sitting in a law school room (like a big ampitheater) and watching professors ramble on about a whole subject in the matter of 8-12 hours (they usually try to throw some humor in there too). Whereas when I was actually in law school we got like 50-60 hours per subject. Anyhoo, it looks like they try and break most subjects into 2-3 lectures but yesterday we had to endure 8 straight hours of torts and get it all over in one day.

At this point Statute of Frauds, duress, warranties, consideration (that's all Contracts lingo), are still just as jumbled as battery, intentional infliction of emotional distress, negligence, and strict liability (torts) but hopefully it will all come together by the end of next month (if not, I might have to commit some sort of tort against myself). No matter what I'll keep forging ahead.

Let the classes begin

So today was my first day of my bar review classes. And the next two months are going to suck. Looks like 8-12 hours of studying/classes every day. Barf. Reminds me a little bit of my first semester of law school, where I just studied like a maniac because I had not been in school for a while and wanted to make sure I started off well. I know I'll get it done, but I'm not looking forward to it.

Weekly recap

So my mother-in-law came and visited for the weekend before Christmas and it was nice to have her. But it meant I didn't play until Christmas day (when my wife had to work the whole day). So I've played just 3 nights this week. The only notable night was Christmas when I got very deep in two tourneys and then just took 2 brutal beats in each one which kept me from the final table and really nice 4-5 figure scores.

Oh well - it happens.

Tomorrow my folks come to visit until New Years and then my classes start the day after New Years so from here on out it is going to be study first, and then only if there is some time left over, will I play poker. Otherwise I'll be back at it starting in March.

Wish me luck - I need to pass the stupid exam this time!!!

Happy Holidays

Just a quick message wishing you and yours a happy holiday season.

My wife's gift is a 36 hour work day, but we had a great time with her mom the last couple of days and she then gets 4 days this next weekend as well when my dad and family come visit us as well. Given everything that has gone well for us this year we can't complain too much (but I still think we can complain a little).

Oh, I also finally received my bar review books, so I can start studying as well. I am not looking forward to it, but I know I need to get it done. My Christmas wish is twofold: I want to pass the Bar and do well enough this year playing poker that I just keep those bar privileges in my back pocket and can continue to play fulltime.

wheeeeeeeeeee

Finally made a final table again tonight, and I even took it down. It was the $10 rebuy on FullTilt for just under $4k.

Feels good to have somewhat of a roll again, which means that I won't be totally decimated when I come back after 2 months of studying.

Break Time

So I put in a pretty good amount of hours this last week, playing pretty much every night. I haven't made any final tables in a while but I am confident my game is still fine - just losing lots of important hands.

My wife finally gets a weekend off, so I am going to take that time off too.

I keep wanting to get started on studying but I neither have the ganas (the desire) nor the books to do so. My classes start Jan. 2, so no matter what, if I haven't started studying by then, I will be putting in major hours in Jan and Feb. I am a very good procrastinator, so it's good that I signed up for the bar review course because that will force me out of the house and make me study... And when I put in the hours I tend to do pretty well on tests, so hopefully it will turn out this time.

Frustrating Week

I put in a pretty full schedule this week - 50 tourneys, made the money 9 times which is fine. But no final tables which is frustrating. I also really need to start studying next week, so from now until March I should be playing a much lighter schedule.

Mental Fortitude

I don't think there's a question that for me, the hardest part of playing poker is getting through the long dry spells. I had to return my Bar Review books from the summer (or forfeit my deposit) and am now waiting for the new materials to arrive (I am expecting they will be the very same books) so I have had time the last three nights to play a pretty full schedule which for me usually ends up being about 8 tourneys a night. I have been playing well but have not had any real good results. Of course I realize that this is expected - as a top player I am only going to make the money in a tourney between 15-25% of the time and am only going to make the final table somewhere around 3% of the time and the top 3 of the tourney (where the real big payouts happen) maybe 1-2% of the time. So a streak of 25 tourneys and no big cashes is going to happen repeatedly....

But that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I don't know what it is about my mental make-up but I expect to win every hand I am in and when I don't, I get upset. When I lose over and over and over again, I get frustrated. And for me, making sure that that frustration does not make me play bad in other tourneys that I am still in and making sure that I don't try and chase my losses by playing in cash games (which I have proven I am a loser at) is the most important part of protecting my roll.

So here's to staying on top of my emotions and waiting for that next big score...

I'm an Uncle again

My sister just delivered her second child, a boy named Jack, this morning. He came out best end first just like me (butt-first) and no c-section needed.

Back Home

We had somewhat of a hellish time getting home. Our flight from Dallas to Santa Barbara was delayed for hours because of mechanical problems, then we faced traffic driving home the next day making what is normally a 6-7 hour drive into a 9-10 hour one. And to top it all off, I have caught my yearly cold, which makes the idea of studying even less appealing than it already was.

Meh.

vacation bummer

Well I looked on-line and found out what I already knew was coming but still sucks anyways - I failed the Bar exam that I took in July. I was like 98% sure I had failed because I just didn't give myself enough time to study and CA's exam is one of the if not the toughest exam in the states (only about 50% pass), but that 2% hope still makes the fact that I failed a little gutwrenching.

The good thing is that poker has given me the opportunity to take the next three months to really crack down and put in enough hours to study seriously this time and hopefully pass it when I take it again in February.

My goal is to make 6 figures again next year playing poker so that I don't even need to look for a "real job" again, but, in case poker doesn't pan out I want to have my bar privileges in my back pocket so I'm probably going to continue to play sporadically from now until February when I take the exam to make sure that I actually put in the number of hours I need to study effectively so that I pass it this time...

Other than this minor setback, this year has actually been very very fortuitous so I am actually quite thankful during this Thanksgiving season. My wife graduated med school and got into the residency program she wanted, I have won enough money playing poker that we were able to buy our first home that we are still loving, our dog (who we treat like a baby) should have died when she ran away from a relative's home in a busy area of a L.A. suburb but somehow got scooped up by an animal control person, my sister is about to have another baby, and even after 8 years of marriage I still think my wife is my best-friend and enjoy spending every free minute I have with her (even if those minutes are harder to come by). So, in the big scheme of things, I am willing to take the rejection of being a failure considering everything else that I have going for me.

Last full night for a while

So I played a pretty full schedule last night and played well but the cards didn't hold up. Oh well. My wife's last day of work before starting her vacation is today, so I probably won't be playing or posting much, if at all, the next two weeks.

First full night for a while

So tonight I played my first "full" session for quite some time. I only made the money in one tourney out of 8 but I got about 6 hours of play in, which for me is about as much as I generally play unless I make a final table. I wasn't real happy with my play tonight as I let myself get tilted a bit, which I really haven't done lately. But now that the night is over I am just mulling over how ludicrous my life really is right now. And it really is rediculous. Poker has made me lose some of my "common sense" when it comes to money and "real life" but when I take the time to really think about what I am doing and how I am surviving it makes me laugh.

When I started this little foray into becoming a professional I agreed with my wife that I would play no more than 40 hours a week since that is how much I worked as an attorney, and I really thought I would be playing that much each week. But so far stuff has kept coming up. I took a break after I made all that money in the FTOPs tourney, and then family has come to visit, and we have gone down to Santa Barbara to visit family, and then there was a lot of work dealing with buying the house and moving in, and now next week my wife goes on vacation so I won't be playing for those two weeks either.

So what it comes down to is that since August 23 I have only "worked" a total of just over 150 hours or about a whopping 15 hours a week. And that work is doing something I love to do, which is play poker. And here's the kicker... so far this little foray into playing professionally is actually working!! Even with only an average of 15 hours a week my bankroll is actually increasing. It's not drastically increasing, but it is not decreasing (which is all I really care about) and that includes the monthly withdrawals I am making (i.e. I am netting more than I am withdrawing). And when you really think about it, that's CRAZY!! I sit in front of a computer, get dealt two cards over and over and because I make better decisions about what to do with those 2 cards then the average person does, I win money.... and I like it so far.

Easing back in to playing

Well I took the MPRE this morning (a professional responisbilities test that you have to take to get bar privileges) and I have no idea how I did.

I also broke down and ordered cable internet last night because I don't want to have to deal with my dsl cutting out anymore. But of course as soon as I did that my dsl seems to work fine... so I played for the first time in a long time tonight.

Nothing huge, I only played 5 tourneys. Bubbled 2 and lost races in the other 3 but it felt good to be playing again even if I didn't get any good results. I am hoping that I play a pretty normal schedule this next week, because after that my wife goes on vacation and I will (once again) be playing very infrequently for the following 2 weeks.

7-UP Tree

I always thought that 7-UPs lemon/lime slogan was funny, but I guess that was because I had never seen a lemon/lime tree before. Well, our new house has one, and the lemon/lime-ade it provides is pretty tasty. Even tastier when you add some vodka.

I am not sure if the phone guys came yesterday when I was cleaning the carpets at our rental (we want our security deposit back!!) because although I now have a constant strong green dsl light on my modem, the internet is still slowwwwwwww here. I am a little worried it might be because we have it hooked up in our converted garage through 50 feet of standard phone cable rather than through the grey dsl cable that came with the modem. But I don't know anything about computers, so I don't know if that would slow things down or not.

I am hoping that it at least works for playing poker, because I plan on playing tonight and don't want to be getting disconnected.

Funky internet

Apparently there is something causing interference with the phone line at our new house which makes my dsl disconnect a lot. Hopefully, someone is coming out tomorrow to fix it, because without internet, it is hard for me to play poker, which means I can't work.

Still Moving

After one long day and lots of help from my family who drove up from L.A., we are finally all moved in. Internet is now on, and tomorrow we get cable... All that is left to do now is clean the place we were renting, and buy a sofa and maybe a buffet for our new house. But it already feels like home, and it's a nice feeling.