Still knocking on the door

I finally made a Final Table today so that's good. Still lost with AA versus 22 at the final table to finish in 5th so that blows. But the mantra is definitely true - all I can do is play my best and let the results happen. If I could do anything to appease the poker gods I would, but I have no idea what that would be.

I also had deep runs in 3 other tourneys so I feel real good about my game - now I am just waiting for the full flung run good to hit me in the face.

Doing my best to not let poker run my life

With the salary stake I am doing I have to put in volume to get my salary. But lately I am feeling like the donkey chasing that elusive carrot. No matter what I do, I can't win and I am letting that affect how I am feeling away from the computer. So I am taking tonight and tomorrow off and then I'll just keep grinding this Sunday.

The repetitiveness of losing everyday is getting to me mentally but there is also little I can do to change that. I am reviewing my hand histories, having friends watch me play, posting hands, discussing strategy, taking my time while I am playing... and I still am just coming up empty.

So it is back to the keep grinding mentality and also doing my best to continue to do things away from the computer so that I am not always so focused on the losses.

Still swinging and missing

I got yet another 12th in the $163 60k on Tilt. Again first was over 17k. Again I went home with like $800 and a sour taste in my mouth.

I decided to check my stats in this tourney and was grossed out by what I saw. I have played this tourney and it's nightly counterpart 166 times this year. I have cashed it 25 times (which is fine). I have 0 final tables. That's abysmal. I generally make a final table around 2-2.5% of the time. So I should have 3-4 final tables. Instead I have none.

What I do have are 11 final 20s (10,11,12,12,13,14,15,15,18,19,20). The what ifs are never good to get into for too long because you can't do anything about past results. But man. That just blows.

Sigh. Tomorrow is another day.

Day Off

I got another frustrating 12th in the $163 afternoon tourney on Tilt yesterday so instead of playing today with a defeated attitude I decided to take the day off, watch a ton of sports (my Badgers won a thriller against Iowa), and just be super lazy. Tomorrow I will play a full Sunday session.

Back at it and the downswing continues

I am getting my volume in now that I am home, but so far still no love. The vacation was nice, but the pressure to win and the frustration of a downswing that has now reached somewhere around $30k over the last 2 and a half months is just leaving me emotionally spent.

I am about 1/3 of the way through my salary stake deal and so far it has gone miserably. Hopefully I can get a decent score soon. My psyche needs it.

Back from Vacation

I was in Santa Barbara last week with my wife's family and had a blast. Tons of good food, good company, hikes, basketball, decktime, relaxing, watching the Badgers beat OSU, and just generally being treated like royalty is hard not to enjoy. I played no poker, and had very little internet access which was probably a good thing. But now I am back, and starting today I am back to work.

Finally a positive day

I went back to just playing an afternoon session and cashed 7 of the 10 tourneys I played today. For me, doing sessions is just better for me mentally so I will be going back to just playing sessions.

I have made some minor tweaks to my game and it definitely should let me get into the money more often. My best finish today was like a 15th. Still waiting for the final table to come...

Some work and some fun

I was a substitute for a friend of mine in his volleyball league last night and had a blast just pounding the ball.

Today I put in my first full session for my stake. Instead of doing two different 10 tourney sessions, I just started playing at noon and kept registering for tourneys until about 6 pm. I ended up playing 21 tourneys total. I am not sure whether I will continue registering like this or if I will go back to two sessions. I was definitely tired at the end of today, but it was doable.

I am still running pretty miserably, and even though I am playing with other's money the frustration isn't decreasing at all. If anything it is increasing. I really want this staking arrangement to work which means I need to profit, so to see me already like $2500 in the hole is just barftastic. I also just haven't had a decent score in so long that it's just eating at me.

I will be back at it tomorrow tho.

Out of Shape

My wife and I went on a 40 mile bikeride yesterday and I did not fair too well.

Going out the 20 miles to the Nimbus dam was not a problem, we had a nice picnic lunch, I didn't feel sore or winded at all. But coming back was tough. My quads starting tightening up after maybe just 5 miles on the way home so the last 15 miles were torture.

I actually don't feel bad at all today so it's more of me just being horribly out of shape than it was a strenuous bikeride.

Anyhoo, I am going to start my salaried 400 tourney stake tomorrow. I am eager to see how it goes.

We'll see how this new venture works out...

Because I have sold out already.

My wife is off this weekend so I am not sure if my first day of this new venture will be on Sunday or Monday, but it is going to start.

I am looking forward to it.

Trying something new...

It has been a tough year for me with all the swings so I have decided to attempt to sell out my action on a salaried basis.

The ad is here.

I thought long and hard about doing this and I am not even sure it will work. The pros for me is that I am giving myself stability and forcing myself to put in volume if I want my salary. The cons are that I am giving basically all of my profits away.

At this point I just want to see if it will even sell out. If it does and it is profitable then I can just re-evaluate at the end of each 400 tourneys. But at this point I am thinking that this could and should work out for everyone. If I sustain a 10% ROI the BAP would breakeven. A 20% ROI should give my backers over $7k in profits. And although I would hate to keep giving $7k+ away each month this will allow me to keep my current bankroll intact until we make our move next June when my wife ends her residency here.

We'll see what happens...

Still Downswinging

I am still in the midst of what is now over a $20k downswing. I had another close but not quite finish tonight when I got 9th in the $55 70k on Stars for like $1k but took just a horrendous beat with 10 players left so I really felt like I had a great shot at the $14k for first and then it just blew up on me. This was the hand that crushed me.

***** Hand History for Game 50386566295 ***** (Poker Stars)
Tourney Hand NL Texas Hold'em - Thursday, September 30, 04:16:40 ET 2010
Table 333011083 130 (Real Money)
Seat 2 is the button
Seat 2: chardrian ( $460377.00 USD )
Seat 3: JayEs23 ( $429500.00 USD )
Seat 5: teasall ( $378083.00 USD )
Seat 6: FML4DaWin ( $1440000.00 USD )
Seat 7: jaytj03 ( $366180.00 USD )
chardrian posts ante of [$1600.00 USD].
JayEs23 posts ante of [$1600.00 USD].
teasall posts ante of [$1600.00 USD].
FML4DaWin posts ante of [$1600.00 USD].
jaytj03 posts ante of [$1600.00 USD].
JayEs23 posts small blind [$8000.00 USD].
teasall posts big blind [$16000.00 USD].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to chardrian [ Ac 8c ]
FML4DaWin folds
jaytj03 raises [$32500.00 USD]
chardrian calls [$32500.00 USD]
JayEs23 folds
teasall folds
** Dealing Flop ** [ 5s, 8s, 2s ]
jaytj03 checks
chardrian bets [$45677.00 USD]
jaytj03 calls [$45677.00 USD]
** Dealing Turn ** [ 8h ]
jaytj03 checks
chardrian bets [$100100.00 USD]
jaytj03 raises [$286403.00 USD]
chardrian calls [$186303.00 USD]
** Dealing River ** [ 7s ]
jaytj03 shows [8d, 9s ]
chardrian shows [Ac, 8c ]
jaytj03 wins $761160.00 USD from main pot


I did get my 200 tourneys in this month so that's good. I will keep trying to grind it out but I really need a decent score just to heal my psyche.

Don't know whether to laugh or cry

Ok fun news first - I am happily sun burnt after spending the day kayaking and hitting the driving range.

Now the same old same old news. I got 20th in the UB Sniper which paid $20k to first (and just $520 for 20th). I keep feeling it is going to turn around, but then it doesn't.

I

just

keep

getting

close....

But I'll keep plugging away.

Just re-read the last post

I got 18th in the 75k. First was over $25k. 18th paid a whopping $555. Super coolered. Such is life.

So Close Yet Again

I got another 19th in the $60k on FullTilt. It's my 17th tourney of the year where I finished between 10th and 36th in a tourney where first place pays over $20k. I.e. I made the final 4 tables but just can't make a final table for the life of me. I am looking forward to when this statistical anomaly returns to normal.

I did get 3rd in the $109 PLO/8 for $1k so the day was positive at least.

My folks come tomorrow so I will be taking the weekend off and then will be back at it next week.

Finally getting some volume in...

and as has often been the case this year, I am just getting brutalized. I played 20 tourneys today and didn't cash any single one of them. I am doing my best to keep my head on straight but I definitely found myself falling into the "I am jinxed," "I can't win," "I don't know how to play anymore" realm of thinking which is just really hard to get out of when nothing is going right.

I know I made some mistakes today, but after reviewing my play there really wasn't anything too bad.

I will keep at it because there really isn't anything else to do. A nice score would be nice....

Trying to find my mojo

Just been really lazy lately. I hope to get in some decent volume the rest of this week and then my folks come to visit at the end of this week.

Fun Weekend and now I am back at it

We didn't do our big bike trip this weekend because we got invited to a friend's house on Discovery Bay (a little over an hour south of here) and go out on his boat (well more like a mini-yacht). We did bike to Ruth's Chris on Saturday night for a steak which was nice because then we didn't have to worry about our booze intake. Anyhoo, weekend was relaxing, and today I started playing again. Basically another breakeven day but I am just lying in wait for some big scores because I really am playing really well.

Random Thoughts

* My wife actually has the weekend off and it is our anniversary (11 years!) and her birthday this weekend so I will be taking the weekend off. We are planning on biking to Lake Natoma doing some kayaking and then biking home. It should be about 40 miles round trip and I hope I don't die.

* I am starting to mix in some cash games as I play my tourneys. So far it is going well - the big thing for me with cash is just to make sure I don't tilt. But when I don't tilt, it is a great way to keep the bankroll at least somewhat sustained. E.g. yesterday I lost over $2k playing a full day (2 sessions) of 20 tourneys but I made close to $1500 playing cash games so at the end of the day my bankroll only took a $500 hit rather than a $2k hit.

* I have now been playing poker professionally for over 3 years. This year has been by far my worst in terms of results. I am just eking out a 10% ROI whereas my worst year prior to this I had an 80% ROI. The games are definitely getting tougher with fewer fish and more of the player pool having access to books, forums, training sites, coaches, and friends who they can have help them play through skype/im/chat programs. I am hoping that part of my downfall this year has just been bad luck, but I am not sure how achievable an 80% ROI is anymore which means I really do need to put in the volume if I want to keep making a living at this game.

wahhhhh for bricking out.

I got 15th in the 75k on Tilt and 50 somethingth in the quarter million on stars. I felt I played pretty much mistake free on Tilt but I definitely imploded on Stars. Meh - tomorrow is another day.