Well I started playing again last night. I put in a solid 7-8 hours and felt like I played fine. Hopefully I can get some decent results these next two weeks.
The night before last was the first good night of sleep I had gotten in a week. Prior to the bar I was stressing, while taking the bar I was stressing, and then even the 3 days following the bar I was still stressing because I would realize issues that I missed - and all of that led to bad sleep. The good thing about realizing I missed issues is that it demonstrates how much more I actually knew this time around because I didn't even know enough law last time to realize what issues I had missed. The bad thing is I know I missed issues. My pat answer to everyone who has asked "how did it go" is that I will be very disappointed if I failed, but I won't be surprised if that's the case.
I really don't want to study again for this stupid exam (especially since motivating myself to study is so hard when I know that I would rather play poker than practice law), but I also really want the security of having the privilege to practice law in my back pocket in case this poker thing doesn't work out. I also realize that there isn't anything I can do at this point but sit and wait for the results. But that doesn't stop me from ruminating.
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It's like cancer, right? You go through chemo, you hate it, you say to yourself you'll never do that again. But if the cancer comes back, you do it.
No matter what, you'll be fine. You've got the smarts on your side.
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