Perspective

Prepare for a rambling post.

I am in the midst of a downswing exceeding $10k and it is playing a major clusterfuck on my psyche. I know that to many of my internet wunderkid counterparts this is a drop in the bucket, but to me it is the biggest downswing I have ever been on... and to be honest hearing that others have lost more money than I have isn't very reassuring, it's downright frightening. The game draws fewer and fewer recreational players, and more and more of the players in the pool are using poker training sites and forums and are becoming better players which makes the games tougher and tougher. A 100% ROI which was the common goal just 3-4 years ago is basically unheard of now - there are high volume button pushers out there who are now happy with just 10-20% ROIs.

So what does this mean for me? Fuck if I know. Were my last 7 consecutive winning months an anomaly or is this month the outlier? Can I expect things to turn around and still attain at least a 50% ROI this year or am I going to struggle to achieve a 20% ROI? I don't know.

What I do know is that I will put in a full session tomorrow. I will take my time and make as good of decisions as I possibly can in each spot and I will let the results come. And then I will go on vacation for the rest of the month and just concentrate on having a good time with my wife and family.

I have no idea what this year will bring, and that vast unknown is what takes a little bit of the luster of this lifestyle. But I do know that I am healthy, that I am at least borderline smart and have the capability of adjusting, and the only thing I can control is my decision making - so I will concentrate on that and keep hoping for the best.