Confidence

Poker is dumb. It really is. This year has just been retarded in the swinginess. I win a tourney and I feel like I am one of the poker elite; I go on a downswing and I feel like maybe the game is passing me by...

And then I take a day off to just relax and sort things out and things recrystalize in my head that my game isn't about my numbers, it's really about making correct decisions. If people were to look up my stats this year, they would say "how can this guy be a professional when he is losing money for the year?" If I had won that tourney last night or if I had won any of those many tourneys where I finished 10-15th this year those same people would be looking at my stats and saying "wow that chardrian is such a consistent winner - how does he do it?"

One hand here, one hand there, really can and does make such a difference but people (including myself) don't think that way. All we think about is the bottom line. And when I am downswinging it makes it that much harder to think about anything other than the bottom line because I start stressing about my bankroll vanishing between monthly withdrawals for bills and from lack of wins. The beauty of my cash last night is that it gives me some breathing room to start focusing on the decision making again instead of focusing so much on the money.