Arrested American Idol

First the arrested apprentice, now the arrested idol. What is reality television coming to? And what will Althouse think?

Queen of Camelot

So yesterday I was given a new case. It involves driving to Green Bay to argue a motion to dismiss. Knowing I actually like courtroom time, the case was quickly dumped on to me. When I was reading the file yesterday, all I could do was laugh. For the first time, my opponent is not a prisoner, but she is pro se - and she is a nutball. She has decided it is unfair that everyone else involved in her lawsuit has a title, so she has declared herself to be the "Queen of Camelot" and even signed her brief that way. As I said, yesterday I found it quite humorous to read through her ramblings. Today, however, I just found it sad. It seems clear this woman is honestly a nutball. But a semi-smart nutball. She has taken university courses; her ramblings, while somewhat schizophrenic are coherent. She keeps attempting to bring a lawsuit stemming from an incident that occurred over 14 years ago and keeps getting dismissed. At this point our office is asking for sanctions against her. The sad part is I think this woman truly believes she has been wronged and is doing what she feels is best to try and remedy the situation. Although I agree our office should not have to waste any more time on her continuously trying to re-litigate a case that has already been dismissed numerous times, I also think what this woman really needs is a mental health professional. The real question is - how do you get her to stop wasting everyone's time? At the very least, the hearing should be entertaining.

Mmmmm Mmmmmm Mmmmm finger in chili

First there was nutri-loaf, now there is the Wendy's finger in the chili. I remember in Torts my first year of law school, the professor asked a question more or less on the lines of how much would it be worth for you to have something horrible happen to your body. I think the case had something to do with a lady having throat surgery that went horribly wrong and her having to have a piece of her intestines used as her esophagus which made her have to manually squeeze the food down her new intestinal throat and caused other discomfort as well as embarassment. But the same could definitely be said for how much would it take to have your finger chopepd off. I also remember the class being somewhat awed/dismayed at how lof of a figure I would do this for, but I guess that's another story. Anyways finger lady has now been arrested, but the even more interesting story remains unsolved - whose finger was this and how much was it worth to chop it off?

p.s. just for kicks I think the comments section should be used to state your figures for both an intestinal throat and a chopped off finger.

Back from Lansing/Graduatin'

Ok I went to Lansing, felt grown up and very very young (the next closest person in age to me was in her late 30's) all at once and now I'm back. The conference was about as exciting as I imagine most conferences are. I don't wear a watch, but after what I am presuming was 20 minutes into each little schpiel I still found myself staring at my wrist and hoping the schpiel would be over soon so I could get the next round of free food. The one highlight of the trip was taking advantage of a beautiful Tuesday evening (temp. around 80) and watching the Class A Lansing Lugnuts battle the Western Michigan Whitecaps. Minor league baseball really is fun to watch, and with no t.v. the games are quick.
On another note, I have been noticing that all of my other 3L compatriots are about to graduate. This has made me think about whether or not graduating early was such a wise decision. The benefits: didn't have to pay an extra semester of tuition, the only job I really applied for fell into my lap, my wife and I will have health insurance for the first time in three years starting in July, and I am actually earning an income. The detriments: I missed out on another semester of being a student (which to me meant loads and loads of free time), I didn't go to graduation since it was so small and was so close to Christmas which means I didn't send out graduation notices and got gypped out of graduation gifts (definitely some lingering resentment there), and I actually have to work. All in all, I am glad I finished school early... but I wouldn't mind it if my family belatedly lavished with me gifts and praise for doing so.

Off to Lansing

Today I get to feel real grown up as I am off to my first conference. I get to go to Lansing, Michigan to learn what our office (The AG's office for those new here - although since I only have 3 readers I guess this is just wishful thinking) can do to prepare for public health emergencies. I hope we have thrilling role-playing exercises where I get to save the whole office building single-handedly. I'll give you the sccop when I return on Thursday. Until then, you are somehow going to have to survive for two whole days without a post.

Mmmm Mmmmm Mmmm Nutri-loaf

I have been my assigned my first case where a prsioner has complained about "nutri-loaf." According to Vegetarians in Paradise, "'Nutriloaf' is a baked bean and flour combination with shredded carrots, spinach, raisins, potato, rice, (non-vegan) shredded cheese, and bread that is used as a punishment food." Hard to think meatloaf gets such a bad rap when nutri-loaf is out there. The funniest link I found however is this ditty about a vegan who refused his nutri-loaf and went on a hunger strike for healthier food. The stuff sounds exactly like what quite a few of my stereotypical hippie/granola Peace Corps compratiots would make and try to convince me was so tasty. Thanks, but no thnaks. Once you've had a steak at the Tornado Room, nutri-loaf just doesn't hold its luster for me.

The Arrested Apprentice

For all those Apprentice fans out there (I never really liked this one - Survivor, Amazing Race, Real World/Road Rules, I'm all over - but Donald does not really do it for me) check out volcano Chris Shelton here. Mug shots always make me chuckle.

Wascally Wabbits

The Ocean writes about how she would like "jackasses or a herd of elephants" to chase the rabbits out of her yard. Looks to me like the more profitable option is to catch one and then threaten to eat it unless you are paid $50,000. The U.S. cracks me up sometimes. The fact that this guy is creating an uproar over threatening to eat his pet rabbit is just silly. The fact that people have actually paid him close to $25,000 already (and with the coverage he is getting I am sure he will meet his mark) is just ludicrous.

Wacky Wisconsin Animals

First there was Roo hopping along a Wisconsin highway, now his friend (I can't believe s/he doesn't have a name, so I suggest either flame (llama = flame in Spanish) or Lindsey) the llama was also out carousing. Gotta love Wisconsin.

(p.s. (I am thinking I am becoming a professional (i.e. no longer amateur) parenthetical writer (it really is sort of fun) (you should try it))).

More Manure

Uh oh Ocean that wacky Madison manure is back. I particularly like the mention of an "odor index." Sounds delightful, doesn't it?

Perpetual Bliss

I have often thought how great it would be to be a professional student. This guy is actually doing it. Even with the huge loan debt and the slacker tax which he now has to pay, I gotta say I am somewhat envious. Undergrad really was a blissful time (because I didn't bother about working to pay my way through law school like I did for undergrad, law school was in many respects even more blissful). You got to act like (and were usually treated like) an adult but with no real responsibilities. Getting gloriously trashed on a Tuesday night just to get gloriously trashed on a Tuesday night was A-ok. If it was nice out, and it generally was in Santa Barbara, it was almost never a big deal to just not go to class because I had few, if any (have to admit I don't really remember if I took any classes where attendance was required - maybe all those Tuesday nights affected my memory a little bit), classes which took attendance. And to top it off, you still got at least 1/4 of the year off (as a reward for all that really hard work I guess). So, can you really blame this guy for trying to hold on to this lifestyle for as long as he possibly can? Don't ever give up Johnny. Slack, Johnny, slack - it gives me a dream to hold on to.

Elevator man

I don't know why this struck me as being so funny, but it did. 3 days stranded in an elevator I can actually understand. But come on - the authorities were looking for this guy, his pleas for help (although in Mandarin) were heard, maintenance guys came to check out the elevator, and he still stayed in the damn elevator for 3 days!!?? Maybe it's just me, but I would hope that someone would be able to put 2 and 2 together to figure out that hmmm, some guy keeps calling from an elevator in a language I don't understand, that elevator hasn't moved from floor 3 (and 1/2) for a very long time, and the cops were looking for some delivery guy equates to some guy is probably stuck in the elevator. Oh well, at least he got to catch up on his sleep.

racine

Yesterday I got to go to Racine to argue a motion to dismiss. Although the hearing wasn't until 9 and the Mapquest said it took only 2 hours to get there, I left around 6 just to make sure. Thank god I did. The Mapquest directions had me going from Madison to Milwaukee and then down to Racine. Of course, at 6 am I am not at my best (I am definitely a night person, not a morning one), so instead of taking the I-94(towards Milwaukee), I got on the I-90 (towards Chicago). Whoops. Didn't even realize my mistake until I was almost in Janesville. Luckily, I had a map and was able to zigzag my way to Racine without having to backtrack and with no real horrendous delay. In fact I liked the last portion of the route so much that I ended up taking it on the way back. It was a beautiful day for a drive and driving through farmland and the occassional small town was much nicer than taking the interstate the whole way. Now I know some people hate driving, and if i had to commute everyday I would too, but to be honest there's something about driving on a two-lane highway through Wisconsin on a beautiful day that I find to be really enjoyable. I sort of like the barns and silos, the cows and horses, and the small towns that you drive through about every 15 minutes. I don't think it was much slower either. I took the 20 from Racine to I think Whitewater and then from there I took the 12 which takes you through Fort Atkinson, which I think is a much more direct route. And the best part of it was I got paid to be out of the office, I got to be in court (although it was only a 3 minute argument - I basically just said you can't sue the state without its consent and the judge siad you are right), and then I got paid for a beautiful 2 hour drive home. If the AG's office needed a full-time easy motion arguer around the state, I think I would be a very happy camper.

Jailhouse lawyers

There are times when I get sick of reading and writing and start thinking that maybe it would not be such a bad idea to commit some small federal crime and get myself a nice little Martha Stewart sentence so I can go meditate for a couple of months. Today is one of those days. I don't want to research or write anymore about what an inmate needs to do to successfully argue that he is being denied his right to access the courts. He's gonna lose - can't I just write that instead? I know "sorry, you are wrong" is not exactly the response that either the inmate ot the judge is looking for, but it sure would make some cases easier. Yikes - starting to get bitter and I haven't even been here for 3 months.

A little time to write

Yikes - looked at my site meter today and realized I have more than 2 readers. Ususally I look and I have about 10 visitors but then I realize that I was a visitor 8 times. But yesterday I actually had a whopping 7 visitors and there was nothing to see. So, for those random people who might drop by this site, today I will write at least a little blurb. To be honest I didn't find anything real interesting in the news to chat about today (although I did find the Supreme Court ruling on the Alabama highschool girls basketball coach Title IX case at least somewhat interesting). So instead I will give a quick update on my life as a newly minted lawyer. My caseload is forever growing, but I am starting to get to work on some cool cases. I have been given tasks to do on a case involving the guy who killed Dahmer, and it looks like I am going to be handling some stuff on a case involving an inmate who is being given female hormones (the press has taken off on this one a bit) and has ... well let's just say he has developed along nicely. Next week I get to go back to court to argue a motion to dismiss in a small claims case. And the following week I get to go to my first conference out of state (from what I can tell these are things that no one else wants to go to, but I am looking forward to getting out of the office). Yes I get to go to that farway land called Michigan. The conference is about what AG Offices should do to help states with emergency preparedness plans. We shall see what it's all about. And on a personal note, I just found out that I am going to be a tio (uncle) - what's even cooler is that my 11 year old and 4 year old half siblings are also going to become an aunt and uncle respectively. I still find it funny that it is possible to have an uncle who is younger than you (didn't we have some weird case in T & E about relating to weird hillbilly familial ties?).

I'm back and I'm busy

Ok for those two readers out there. Ohio was a blast, except for hearing that one of the volunteers who was with us in Guatemala, and then became a Peace Corps Training Director in Kazakhstan has just died (very triste). We ate and drank like royalty, and our dog got to play with their dog (another Guatemalan chucho) who supposedly was not "good" with other dogs. Well Monty (their dog) must've known that Chula (our dog) was his compadre because they were playing non-stop. Anyways, I'm back, and yes I'm busy. I sorta thought someone, like myself, with no "real" experience wasn't going to be given very many responsibilities at my office until I became "experienced." I was wrong. They might not be "important" responsibilities, but yikes I've already filled up two drawers worth of files. Instead of the "why don't you help so and so by researching X" which I was expecting, instead it has been more like "here's another case that I am assigning to you." So it's back to brief writing for me.

Spring Break??

Today is the last day of classes, before Spring Break begins. Hooray for my wife. Wahhh for me. Having a job is nice, but I sure wouldn't mind a week off. I am taking Monday off however, and we are going somewhere this weekend. Not as luxurious as Florida or California, but out of staet at least. Yes, me, my wife and our chucha are going to the lovely state of Ohio. A mini Peace Corps reunion is in store for us with 3 of our closest Peace Corps friends. I am super excited for a nice weekend filled with reminiscing, boozing, and catching up. Maybe we'll even go search for a neighbor's pig to castrate just to remind us of the "good ole days."

Graduatin'

The University of Central Florida (the alma mater of Freakin Rican, I believe) has released the graduation rates for the teams in the NCAA basketball tournament (UCF is one of the schools dancing this year and has a so-so graduation rate of 43%). A couple of big schools (LSU and Minnesota) have not graduated one basketball player since 1997-98. Not one!! Notwithstanding the occassional player who leaves school early to enter the draft, I just don't see how this can be considered acceptable by any coach, president, or university. Some of the schools really surprised me. Duke and Texas Tech both have coaches (Coach K and Knight respectively) who are known to say how important it is to have their "kids" become men under their tutelage. That they want their kids to prosper after school and realize how important an education is in realizing this. And yet they have graduation rates of only 58% and 33% respectively. Wisconsin's 73% graduation rate is high on this list. But to me, 73% still isn't cutting it. Now I understand that the UW's basketball team graduation rate is actually higher than the overall school's graduation rate (which hovers around 65%), but if I were the coach of a college team, my overriding concern would be to make sure that all the kids who I had chosen to represent the school through their athletic endeavor graduated. Coaches have the ability to get their players tutors, to make them go to "study hall", etc. I realize wins and losses are important, but what the hell is a 21 year old kid who has no shot of playing professionally going to do when his 4 years of eligibility are up?

Mistakes and my first google referral

Ok - I jsut read my last post and realize I am not a real good speller of the word "the" - it often comes out teh for me. Same thing with "just" - my fingers prefer jsut (see teh first sentence above). But I am too much of a lazy ass to actually edit teh (ok, yes you are right, I am now jsut having fun) posts so deal with it.

On another note - I checked my site meter and saw that my normal two visitors have been checking my blog (woo hoo at least I have two), but even cooler was the fact that someone came to my site after a google search. Bet you can't guess what they were looking for? That's right, my favorite standby, barnyard manure. To make it even cooler, it looks like it was a Vietnamese search for barnyard manure. See it here. I now declare myself semi-famous.

Manitowoc

I went, I saw, I conquered. Last Thursday, my supervisor came in and said how'd you like to argue a case in Manitowoc on Monday? The lawyer who had been assigned teh case got teh flu so it fell into my lap. As I have previously said, I miss court action, so I said sure. The case involved a very over-involved father of a 20 year-old who is on probation. Daddy thinks junior should be given more breaks and has been harassing the kids probation agent and her supervisor over the last year with repeated phone calls where he yells, swears, and threatens to take them down for not doing their jobs right. In December he became more threatening and said he was going to come to their office and they should be ready to call 911 and that if he saw them in public he would at least get a disorderly conduct for how he would act. They got themselves a harassment injunction issued by a court commissioner. Daddy decided to have that decision reviewed, so they asked for representation. And that's where I came in. Dum dum dum, spleenless wonder to the rescue. It didn't seem like a real difficult case - I just had to prove he was harassing and/or threatening the agents. But I put a decent amount of time into preparing the case. And since I'm a rookie, my boss assigned a seasoned attorney to go with me and make sure I didn' t fall on my face. Well I nailed it - injunction granted. But before you start thinking what a natural orator I must be, I have to confess... the reason I won is simply because Daddy decided not to show up. Oh well - a win is a win right? And I did get to take a tour of a sub at the Wisconsin Maritime Museum - gotta love Manitowoc.