Funky internet

Apparently there is something causing interference with the phone line at our new house which makes my dsl disconnect a lot. Hopefully, someone is coming out tomorrow to fix it, because without internet, it is hard for me to play poker, which means I can't work.

Still Moving

After one long day and lots of help from my family who drove up from L.A., we are finally all moved in. Internet is now on, and tomorrow we get cable... All that is left to do now is clean the place we were renting, and buy a sofa and maybe a buffet for our new house. But it already feels like home, and it's a nice feeling.

Moving

Today we got a house. My wife's and my biggest purchase prior to this had been a dining room table and chairs. We have never bought a car, never bought a huge tv or stereo system, never boguth much of anything. And today we have a house. We might be the only ones in America buying a house right now, but it's ours. Let the tax write offs begin!!

I've never downloaded a picture onto this thing before so it kinda got screwed up, but the top picture is the backyard/deck and the bottom one is the front of the house. I would have taken photos of the inside except that it's just a bunch of boxes right now.

I'm back

So it's been two years and a lot has changed.

I no longer work as an Assistant Attorney General in Wisconsin. In fact, I am no longer living in Wisconsin or working as an attorney at all.

My wife finished her medical school education at UW in May and we moved to Sacramento, CA in June for her to start her residency program in OB/Gyn here at UC-Davis. I took the bar exam here in June, but don't get the results back until November and I don't think that I passed because I did not give myself enough time to study (if I do fail I will retake the exam in February and should pass with 3 months of study time). In the meantime we decided that I would take this time as an opportunity to play poker fulltime which has been a dream of mine for the past couple of years. The agreement that my wife and I made is that I must withdraw a certain amount each month from my poker bankroll and if I ever lose all of my poker bankroll than I have to quit and find a "real job."

Luckily, I have been able to keep my end of the agreement and more. A couple of months ago I came in 3rd place in a very large tournament and won more than I would have made in 3 years as an Assistant AG. We have used that money as a down payment on a house and we close tomorrow and are hoping to be all moved in by Saturday.

So that's the background... now let's let the blogging begin (again).

p.s. I am not planning on using this blog to go over hand histories and whatnot because I do enough of that already on flopturnriver.com.

Yikes!

Well, since we have not yet determined how much a chopped off finger in custard is worth. I figured we might debate how much having your genitals glued to your abdomen would be worth. $46,000 worth it?

Ole Ole Ole Ole Gauchos Gauchos!

My alma mater is in the news.

Run Forrestina Run!!

If only she was here she never woulda been caught.

When Nature Goes Wild - Next on Fox!

I do like my animal posts that's for sure.

Good Week

Well it was a good week for me last week:

1) I won my first trial as a lawyer (I tried juvenile criminal cases last summer as an intern and won, but those don't count). It was a small claims case and the pro se plaintiff inmate appeared by phone - but hey, a win is a win.

2) I became an uncle. To a niece named Elliot. Now I get to enjoy giving this new child an E.T. phone home complex for the rest of her life (one E.T. plush doll is already in the mail).

3) I won enough money in an online poker tournament last night that I can pay off the rest of my law school loans. Only downside is that I am still on a sort of high and have accomplished little to nothing at work today.

I'm an uncle!

My sister just popped yesterday. I have a niece named Elliot. Ellliiiooottt - looking for an E.T. doll right now to send as a b-day gift.

So this is where those fingers come from

I think I'm going to ask this guy to send me his finger so I can put it in some custard and then sue somebody with nice big deep pockets.

Going Postal

This is just nasty.

I'm an old fart

My freshman year at UCSB I basically just decided that the sun was much more important then school. So I basically just stopped going to class. I did, however, start playing a lot of basketball. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at noon there was a group of these guys from one of the local engineering firms who came to the outdoor courts on campus to play some ball for an hour. Since I was no longer going to class, I too was often out shooting hoops and soaking up the rays, and eventually I became the one college kid who was allowed to play in their game. As an 18 year old, I of course called this thrice weekly game my "Old Fart" game since I was playing with a bunch of guys who were in their 30's, 40's and even 50's.

Well as of yesterday, I am now officially an old fart. That's right the big 3 0. Last year I was still in school, having fun, farting around. Now I'm a working man, who still farts around a lot, but damn I just feel OLD.

Bitch Dog

Of course you never get the real story from the news. So let me tell you how this really went.

Crabby lady has nothing better to do than repeatedly call cable company to bitch them out. After her umpteenth call, the 19 year old receptionists get sick of transferring her to the person who has been picked to deal with her that day, so they come up with the novel idea of adressing her bill to "Bitch Dog." Unfortunately "Bitch Dog" knows how to read and notices her bill, so surprise, surprise she complains again and the geniuses who came up with the idea are fired.

Now comes the fun part: It is up to you my two dear readers to come up with a story as to why Jeffrey's bill was addressed to Jeffrey "Scrotum Bag" Barnes.

Oompa Loompa

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Doo
I've got a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa Doompadee Die
I've found a "little person" in a lie.

Of course we all know this guy couldn't have been a true Oompa Loompa because:
Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dah
If you're not greedy you will go far
You will in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa Doompadee D0
Doompadee Do

Geronimo!!

What a dumbass! He's not a 4 year old wondering if it really will hurt if he sticks his finger in the fan, the kid is 18. I'm not sure why this struck me as so funny, but it did.

Wasn't Middle School/Junior High Great?

I do have to say, I am eternally grateful that the days of titty twisters, wedgies, and wet willies are over. But I thought it as only in First Year Law School hypotheticals that someone would actually be charged for committing these acts. Guess I was wrong.

So for any soon to be first year law student at UW who wants to know what Substantive Crim Law will be like, read this article and then decide:

What charges can you bring? As a great LEO ambassador I'll help you out for this first one - I'm saying Simple Battery, 2nd Degree Sexual Assault, and Fourth Degree Sexual Assault as a lesser included offense.

What charges would you bring if you were the DA?

What would your decision be if you were the jury?

Wouldn't it be great if we got paid to do that instead of what we actually end up doing?

I'm Back

I have come to realize I am a much better blog reader than I am a blog writer. So... it is very possible that this thing may go into total hibernation in the near future (we'll see, maybe I'll get into it again).

Last week I was in Chicago for a trial ad conference. I never did Moot Court or Mock Trial in law school so this was as close as I was going to get. They gave us a fake case and made us prepare it. Direct and cross examination of witnesses, openings, and closings, blah blah blah. No pressure, no real trial, no grade at the end - and yet ALL of the other assistant attorneys general (there were like 50 of us from almost every state) took this thing super serious. Preparing for hours the night before, etc.

Well they can put the slacker in with the super aggros but they can't take the slack out of this slacker. I just wanted to go see a ballgame, take in the sights (we were right in the Loop), etc. We were at this thing 8 hours a day and they wanted me to do homework?? Get real. The funniest part was that I just winged it everytime - and did fine. In fact I kept getting compliments for going "without notes." And any time I screwed up I got to fall back on the "well, I'm really trying to learn to wean myself from using notes in front of a jury" excuse.

Anyhoo, I'm back - we'll see if I have anything interesting to write about.

A good news day

No, I don't really have any good news in my life, but there is some very good/weird news today.

1)The barfing student - what an incredibly useful talent to have. And what lawyer couldn't create reasonable doubt that he meant to do this?

2) The bad writer - I have a goal which is clearly in my reach for next year (and if I don't win, can I submit a prisoner's brief?)

3) The lying juror - The only jury I've been on, I also tried my hardest to get on. I had a union job at a grocery store at the time and would get paid by my job to go to jury duty so I really wanted on. I didn't lie however, instead I just said nothing which seemed to work well. After a one day trial, we deliberated for over 3 days on a couple of misdemeanor counts. Take a wild guess who the foreman was?

Tag - I'm it

I guess I'm supposed to list my Top Ten turn ons and turn offs. But I suck at these things.

Turn Ons
1) my wife
2) sense of humor
3) sports
4) poker
5) sense of adventure
6) vacation
7) ability to put up with me
8) TV (reality shows)
9) Stupid tricks (gleeking, squeeking ears, etc.)
10) fairness

Turn offs
1) huge egos
2) absolutely no ego (not into the fishing for compliments thing)
3) mean drunks
4) holier than thou attitudes
5) the telephone
6) losing
7) stress
8) having to list things when you have no idea what to list
9) seafood
10) smegma