Ridiculously Swingy Day

I start the day with the kid who busted me last year at my Final Table directly on my left. Our table gets broken up quickly and I say a little thanks since he is a tough player and I didn't really want him on my left. Of course he shows up at my new table and is once again seated directly on my left. Within 30 minutes both Phil Gordon (a known live pro) and another kid who made the final table with me last year are also seated to my left.

I lose a big pot to Phil when he turns a flush and I had Top pair with a good kicker and I am down to just 650 chips at 25/50 blinds. I proceed to suck out when my AJ beats AQ and am back to 1400.

I then get moved to another table and now I have Shawn Buchanan, who was done really well in WPT events, two to my left. I am fortunate to get AA versus another guy's KK and double up to like 3500. I again suck out with AJ when I turned both TP and a flush draw against a strangely played AK and binked a river flush to move me back up to like 7k. I chip up to around 9k by playing some pots with Shawn who was playing lots and lots of pots and just c-betting everytime. I then make a bluff against a weekend warrior and show it and chip up to over 11k at the end of level 4.

When we get back from that break blinds are now 100/200 so I am sitting pretty with over 50 BBs. My friend Matt who plays in my home game in Sacramento is here in town dealing for the Series and he sits down to deal at my table. Shawn opens, a young internet kid calls and I look down and see JJ. I 3 bet, Shawn folds and the kid reshoves. I think for a bit - range him on AA, TT-, AQ-, and occassionally just a bluff. I really didn't think he would have QQ, KK or AK because I think he would have 3-bet those hands pre. So I called, and unfortunately he had AA. Swing time back down to 3500.

It folds to me in the CO, I have KJo. I shove my 17 BBs, Shawn calls with 99 and I lose the race and am down to less than 1 BB with just 150 chips. I quadruple up to 600 when AK holds. Very next hand I get JJ again and shove and get called by both blinds so I have a shot to get back to around 2k. Unfortunately the BB had JQ and he flopped a Q. So out I went.

It was just a weird day. I actually had a lot of fun. My tables were talkative. I never like to lose, but I am fine with how I played. Tomorrow I am playing the $2500 6 max tourney. Tonight I will just watch the game and relax.

Long Day Today - Back at it Tomorrow

I played the $350 Venetian tourney and after 12 hours of play I mincashed it for like $322 profit. I really like how I played, still feel very good about my game. Tomorrow I am playing the $1k WSOP event.

Back to the Grind

Yesterday's tourney was similar to my last one. I started off well and then just nosedived. I made one mistake where I misplayed AQ postflop, but other than that I just ran poorly, and you need to run well in Limit.

I am planning on playing my first Venetian event today since I would rather play the $1k WSOP on Sunday when all the internet kids stay at home and grind online.

Quick WSOP Update

I planned on playing a full online schedule yesterday but had some connectivity issues so I quickly unregged for the remainder of my tourneys and only played in 3. So I went over to the Shady Akers house and watched the Lakers game and then went out to dinner at Naked Fish with a couple of the guys.

Today my plan is to watch some World Cup, get in a workout, and then head over to the RIO and play the $2500 Limit 6 max tourney which begins at 5 pm.

Gross Day

I had an unusually tough table from the get go at my Limit tourney today. The one fish at the table got picked off pretty early and was unfortunately replaced with Matt Matros (who won the tourney I final tabled last week). After that everyone at the table was good. There was no limping pre, no coldcalling raises or 3-bets, people actually folded their BB with trash... which meant that I basically had to hope for a good run of cards and hold up by the river - I didn't.

My plan is to play online tomorrow because I want to play the $2500 6 max limit tourney on Friday.

Just relaxing

Vegas always seems to throw my sleep schedule way out of whack. I have had no problem falling asleep this year but I keep waking up every morning between like 7-8 after going to bed anywhere between 2-3 am. Since I am used to 8+ hours of sleep a night, I have been pretty tired so it feels good to just sit around and not do much of anything but surf the internet and watch some tv.

I have been working out everyday and feel like I am starting to get my wind back. I am using the elliptical at the little fitness room they have at my rental condo and have been playing basketball every Monday and Wednesday at a rec center in Henderson with some other poker players. So I am not being a total couch potato.

Yesterday I went to party with a bunch of PTPers and had a good time just shooting the shit, watching the huge gas grill almost burn the house down, and hanging out by the pool. Not planning on doing much today other than get in another workout, watching the Laker game and then going to bed. Tomorrow I am back to the grind in the 2k Limit Event. I will post updates on Twitter.

Twitter

I synched up my phone with twitter so I now will update how I am doing in each event by tweeting if you want to follow me. My screen name is pretty obvious - chardrian.

Final Table Thoughts

I finished 5th in Event # 12 which was a Limit (one bet at a time) event for $43k. Pokernews is not doing a stellar job of reporting and they now have a monopoly on live updates as the WSOP is only letting the other poker reporting outlets (PTP, Bluff, etc.) post one hand an hour, so if you were trying to follow me and couldn't - well that's why.

Anyhoo I made one big bluff and binked a fullhouse prior to the final table to get me to the final table with a decent stack. I then basically chipped up a bit/maintained my stack until my final 2 hands.

Hand 1 - I have QQ in mid/late position (I don't remember if I was the hijack or CO). Terrence Chan who was the chipleader opens, and Matt Matros who had been on a rush and chipped back up 3-bet. Matt had recently been 3-betting a lot against both Terrence and Georgios who were on his right since they were the two most active players and he was trying to isolate them and get his hands heads-up with position postflop. So I had been waiting for a spot to cold 4-bet since I had position on him. I look down and see the QQ and realize this was a value 4-bet spot so I do just that. Both Terrence and Matt call.

Flop comes 79T with two spades which is a pretty horrendous flop for me. They both check, I obv fire, Terrence raises, and Matt 3-bets. And I now curse my luck and internally say wtf is going on? Terrence easily has a flushdraw, 88, JJ, AJ, or even JQ or QK here, so his c/r did not bother me that much. But when Matt 3-bet the only hand I could put him on that I was beating was JJ. So when the only hands I MIGHT be beating are 2 big draws and it is very likely that Matt has hit a set I fold my QQs. The turn was a J which Terrence c/raised. The river was a K (which would have given me a straight if I had played like a tard and stayed in the hand) and they flipped over JJ and 99.

So I played the hand perfect but I still lost chips, and late in a tourney like this you basically really need to win every pot you enter so it was frustrating to lose with the huge favorite hand preflop.

Hand 2 - my next big hand came pretty quickly after the dinner break. Georgios was a Greek player who I had tangled with in a couple of big pots with previously. He liked to raise my turn bets, but I always had the goods and 3-bet him so he was in my mind looking for a spot to get even with me. He opened very wide from the button. I look down to AA in the BB after he raised the button yet again. I decide to just smooth call, with the plan of trying to get value on the turn by check/raising since that is when the big bets happen in Limit. Flop comes Td9h2h. I check, he bets, I call and the trap is still on. The turn is another 9. I check, he bets, I raise, and he tank calls. At this point I am thinking that I am way ahead. The river is a J and it does not complete any flushes. It is sort of a gross card, because it does complete a straight (either 78 or QK were possible holdings) but he so likely has an underpair or a hand like TJ-AT that I have to fire the river for value. He raises my river bet and now I tank and have to decide whether to just call and leave myself with a measly 70k (blinds were at 10/20k) or if I am ahead and want to try and get more value by 3-betting. In the end I decide that his river raise is just too strong and call and he shows 99 for a turned quads.

I went out in 5th shortly thereafter but did make one last good fold which blinded me all the way down to 40k but allowed me to make $10k more in actual money because the other short stack at the table who actually had more chips then I did went out before me.

I was and still am very disappointed/frustrated at my finish in a strictly results oriented/bad beat way of thinking. I am, however, very happy in my play at the final table.

I am taking today, and probably tomorrow off and will get back to playing in another Limit event on Wednesday.

Day 3

I have made it to day 3 of Event # 12. We are down to the last 13. A little run good and a bracelet is possible.

First Day 2

I busted the $1500 NL right at the beginning of level 5 (A6 < QT all-in pre for like 15 BBs) which also happened to be right when the $1500 Limit tourney was starting.

So I entered that one too and have made it to Day 2 with like a 10 Big Bet stack (which isn't as bad as it would be in NL). So I need some run good today and maybe I can get my first cash of this series...

A little deeper but still no dice.

Another up and down day - I actually didn't play many hands at all. Basically maintained a 15-25 BB stack all day. I made it to one level past the dinner break this time and then just had a string of really gross spots where I ended up making the correct folds but dwindled my stack down to like 15 BBs and committed myself against Eric Froehlich who was opening a ****ton w/55 in the CO and unfortunately the button woke up with QQ. GG me.

I did end up playing with a lot of "known" pros today: Michael Binger, Eric Froehlich, Dewey Tomko. Still feel really solid about my game.

$1500 NL tomorrow.

Safe and Sound in Vegas - Busto from 1st Event

It was a long drive yesterday but I made it with no problem. The condo is nice, I finally got the internet working, I played some basketball this morning and then headed over for my first event. It started off up and down. I started off hot and then got AA cracked by TT in one of the earlier levels, and was then forced into playing pretty nitty but I was able to maintain a 20-30 BB stack up until the dinner break.

I came back from dinner with just over an 11k stack and got moved to a pretty gross table - Eric Basebaldy Baldwin was directly on my left, Nick Binger, some other tourney grinder who I recognized, and 2 other guys I didn't recognize but they knew everyone else; blinds 200/400 with a 50 ante. Within the first orbit a guy with 6k jammed from the button, I woke up with AA in the SB, hollywooded a little to try and get Eric to call too and the buttons 85o cracked my AA. An orbit or so later and I was down to 4k which was just 10 BBs when a very loose CO opened and the guy who cracked me then 3-bet. I woke up with AJs in the SB and knew I was ahead of the CO, thought I might be ahead of the 3-bettor and with 2k in dead money in the pot, I only needed like 35-40% equity for the shove to be good. So I figured he had air enough that a gamble was ok in that spot and unfortunately ran into his AA.

GG me.

Even though I never like to lose, I actually feel really good though. I was able to chip up without showdowns basically all night; the showdowns I did get in I was a huge favorite and got bad beat; so I feel like my patience, timing, range reading, determining fold equity are all really sharp. The fact that I had AA twice all-in preflop in a tourney as an 80% favorite; lost them both; AND still had a shot to keep myself in the tourney is just a really good sign I think. If I get a decent streak of run good it could be a scary series.

I will be playing the $1500 PL tourney tomorrow. White Table 44 Seat 9 if anyone wants to say hey.

Off to Vegas Tomorrow

As long as our almost 20 year old faithful Ford Ranger gets me there, I should be in Vegas tomorrow night. My first planned event will be the $1500 buy-in NLHE on Wednesday. I am excited to get there and start playing.

Last Session of May - Hoping for a Productive June

So I played a small session today and although I didn't get very deep in anything I am liking how I am playing. I didn't punt any tourneys, I just kept running AQ into AK with like less than 20 BBs and I am fine with that.

So I have wrapped up May with a small profit for the month. I also just went over the $100k in tourney buy-ins for the year today and to this point I have a very unappealing -2% ROI for the year. I do think I am running well below expectation though, so I am fairly confident I can still right the ship.

Weekend wise, I made a nice steak, corn, and zucchini dinner for my wife on Friday night.



We then watched our dvred season finale of Lost, and an episode of Parenthood. Saturday we went to the river and while she ran, I walked Chula, and we then went to the movies last night and saw Babies. So all in all a nice relaxing weekend.

I am probably going to watch a lot of poker programs tonight, finish cleaning the house tomorrow and then I am off on Tuesday. My plan is to bring my camera, but I often forget about it so we'll see how good of a photoblogger I become.

I have also joined the PTP WSOP Chipstacks posting so if you want to check up on me you can follow me here. I also will be updating how I did at the end of each day here.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!!

5 days and counting

I put in another small session last night, got somewhat deep in the 75k on Tilt, took a bad beat and went on lifetilt for a little bit. But all in all I feel really really good about my game. I have made some minor tweaks to my game which I feel are giving me the best opportunity not only to make the money but also to get really deep in every tourney I play.

I have also been watching a lot of poker on tv and there are just more and more obvious live tells that I am picking up that I am really looking forward to playing lots of live poker next month.

My group of internet kids have been giving me a hard time about my recent lack of volume, but I am fine with it. I am still going to get my 200 tourneys in this month. I am going to book a profitable month. And I am heading to Vegas with a really good mindset and super eager to play. I know the odds are against me, but I feel like I have a real good shot of making some deep runs and maybe even winning a bracelet.

My plan for the next couple of days is simply to hang out with my wife, clean the house so it is spotless for her before I leave. put in a Sunday session, and then head for the desert on Tuesday.

Small Session; Small Score

I played an evening session and made the money in 5 of the 8 tourneys I played and managed to eke out an 8th place in a $27 tourney on Stars for a small profit for the day. It is always a little disappointing to not finish a tourney off, but I really like how I am playing and feel like I am in a real good mindframe heading towards the world series.

Just Being Super Lazy

I haven't played a session since last Tuesday. I played my home game last Friday; I have put in a couple of coaching sessions; and I have been doing quite a bit of math poker theory calculations so it's not like I am just giving up on the game. I just haven't felt the mojo so I am not playing.

Getting Pumped for the WSOP

I was asked to write a preview of the WSOP which was published on Pocket5s. I am definitely getting amped to go to Vegas and try and win a bracelet but I also know that the daily live grind in Vegas can get real old real fast. After grinding really hard at the beginning of this month achieving my 200 tourney goal for the month will be relatively easy so I have put in very very little volume this week. I probably won't be putting in that much next week either because I really want to make sure that every session I play is a quality as close to mistake free session as possible to put me in the right mindset for the WSOP.

Sooooooooooo Close

Full Tilt absolutely sucks balls for me this year. I thought I might break through today, but instead I got 10th, yes the Final Table Bubble Boy in the $60k.

I really really liked how I played, but I did not get the luck I needed to carry me through. I folded 88 when we were 5 handed facing a 12 BB shove and a 20 BB reshove when I had 16 BBs. My opps had AK and AJ and I would have held and made the final table with a good stack if I had called. Very next hand I shove K7s into the BB who had only 11 BBs and he calls with A4s and holds. Now I am decimated down to 4 BBs but I pick up TT the very next hand only to lose to AK.

And the what ifs are running rampant in my head. What if I had called with the 88 - I would have a good chance at winning the tourney. What if my K7s or TT had held? I would at least get back to even for the year. What if I didn't run worse than a 3 legged sloth?

I know the what if game is frutiless - I played well, that's all that matters. But that just sounds like a bunch of blah blah meow chow when I was that close to another 5 figure score only to brick out yet again.

End rant/

Confidence

Poker is dumb. It really is. This year has just been retarded in the swinginess. I win a tourney and I feel like I am one of the poker elite; I go on a downswing and I feel like maybe the game is passing me by...

And then I take a day off to just relax and sort things out and things recrystalize in my head that my game isn't about my numbers, it's really about making correct decisions. If people were to look up my stats this year, they would say "how can this guy be a professional when he is losing money for the year?" If I had won that tourney last night or if I had won any of those many tourneys where I finished 10-15th this year those same people would be looking at my stats and saying "wow that chardrian is such a consistent winner - how does he do it?"

One hand here, one hand there, really can and does make such a difference but people (including myself) don't think that way. All we think about is the bottom line. And when I am downswinging it makes it that much harder to think about anything other than the bottom line because I start stressing about my bankroll vanishing between monthly withdrawals for bills and from lack of wins. The beauty of my cash last night is that it gives me some breathing room to start focusing on the decision making again instead of focusing so much on the money.

Phew

A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I got 3rd in the UB/AP 200k for just over $18k and the downswing is once again over.

This actually does not quite get me out of the hole for the year, but it is much much closer. This Sunday was going to be my last day playing the Sunday majors on my own dime so this score gives me a little leeway again.

I am a little disappointed that I didn't take it down and the only big mistake I made was probably on my last hand and even that wasn't that big since I had a pocket pair and we were 3 handed (I ended up jamming 22 vs a 3-bet from the chip-leader).

Tomorrow I will just settle back in, clean up the house, and then grind it up again the rest of this month but with much less stress.

I don't want to post another sigh post but...

any other post would be a lie. I got 6th in a $55 FO on UB where I played poorly at the Final Table because I was just over aggressive. I then got 12th in the $26 Knockout on FullTilt for like $200 when 1st was over $7k and wanted to go totally emo and slit my wrists.

I am going to withdraw my money for this month and next month today since I won't be around in June so my bankroll is back to the lowest it has been in a long long time.

I did get a workout in this morning, so at least something is going well. I am not sure how much more I can take of my poker brutality.

Time to Refocus

I don't feel like my game has regressed at all but I do feel like this year of repetitive downswings has made me focus way way too much on poker and not enough on anything else. I haven't been working out, I haven't been keeping the house as clean as I should... All I've really been doing is playing poker, posting advice on poker forums, getting frustrated when I run like poo, relaxing by sitting in front of the tv and then repeating the cycle.

So it's time to break the cycle. My wife signed us up recently for a membership at a local fitness center, so tomorrow I am heading there first thing before I do anything else. I will still be getting my poker hours in, but it't time for me to stop obsessing about it.

A day in my life

I stayed up late last night watching tv, going to the grocery store, putting gas in my wife's car, etc. So I didn't wake up today until like 11:30. I roll out of bed, into the shower, come out and it's time to register for my tourneys.

I register for 8 tourneys fire up my Hold'em Manager, put in a cd, jump onto vent where I commiserate with a poker buddy of mine who is downswinging like me and also get kicked in the ass by another buddy who basically tells us to stop whining like the emo bitches that we are.

I play some poker. I am playing 3 tourneys to start and quickly make a bad bluff in the $163 on Tilt and lose half my stack. I shake it off and in 30 minutes my next tourney pops up. 1 hour in and I have built up a stack in my $26 knockout, have doubled up in my $55 FO on stars have just stayed even on my other $55 tourney on Tilt.

Next hour starts and 3 more tourneys pop up. I quickly lose a ton of flips in the $10 rebuy on stars and 10 minutes into the 2nd hour of my play I am a casualty in the $163 which I lose a 40/60 when I shove my short stack with KTs and get called by AQ. So I am now down to 6 tables.

About 1/2 hour later I make my second mistake of the day when I get it in 45 BBs deep with 99. I was in a bad frame of mind and fell back into putting my opponent on one hand (AK) when in fact his range was more like JJ+/AK and he did indeed have KK. So I am out of the $55 FO on Tilt and now I'm down to 5 tourneys.

I go into the 2nd break of the day with a decent stack in the $26 KO; a good stack in the $162 on stars; a nice stack in the $10 rebuy (although I did have to rebuy 5 times; and average stacks in the $55 and $75 tourneys on Tilt.

I start the 3rd hour of play with the $265 SCOOP event on Stars popping up and I am back to 6 tourneys. Very quickly I am down to 5 tourneys when my TT loses a "race" to AQ in the $26 KO and then the standard clusterfuck happens: I lose a good chunk of my stack in the $162 on Stars when my AQ loses to KT and then I'm out a couple of hands later when TT loses to AK; in the $10 rebuy my TT loses to A7 and then ten minutes later my AT loses to 99 and I'm out; in the $55 FO on Stars I c/shove a guy with fold equity with AdJd on a QdKd2x flop and he snap calls me with QTo and I brick out.

So now as I shake my head and question really and truly "is this real?" I am down to 2 tourneys - the Scoop on stars and the $75 FO on Tilt.

I play both of these tourneys well, and chip up a bit in each.

The next hour I raise AJs in the $75 FO and am unable to fold on an AA7 flop when my opp has 77. And then I make my last mistake of the day when I am already in my fuck-it mode and get it in 100 BBs deep in the scoop when I flopped top two pair and my opp had the top set.

So a little less than 4 hours of play, -$918 and still left shaking my head. The one good thing of my review of the day is that I can see that I am making mistakes and I need to stop doing so. Tourneys now are so much about playing mistake free so that you can allow the run good to hit you in those few tourneys that you do get semi-deep in. By making mistakes I am just not letting myself get there.

Now it's time to eat some food, walk the dog, and get back to it tonight.

as;dkjjasjfjawv!

11th in the afternoon $163 FO on Tilt. Both 1st and 2nd would have brought me out of the hole for the year. 11th barely made me positive for the day. So guess what? I'm frustrated - crazy stuff I know.

Just the facts

Since Adil doesn't like me being emo, I will just state the facts from today.

16 tourneys, 4 cashes, 1 Final Table = -$702 for the day.

Back at it tomorrow.

Reflection was good, results still are not good

I played a weird session today because I did a lesson at the same time that I played a few tourneys this afternoon. I busted those relatively early all in standard spots, and then I was going to play a long session tonight, but I actually ended up getting somewhat deep in 4 of the 10 tourneys I played tonight so I just played those ten and that was it.

I made one big mistake when we were down to 14 players left in a UB tourney I was in which will definitely haunt me for a while. I was just tilted and tired of getting bad beat/coolered yet again today so I raised from EP w/AQ and then just 4-bet jammed some guy with no fold equity after he 3-bet me when it was pretty clear that at the absolute best I was like 45/55. I have made it a priority to not punt tourneys no matter what, so punting that one was just retarded - especially since making the FT probably would have given me a profitable day and going out in 14th gave me another in a long string of losing days.

I thought I had left that aspect of my play in the dust, but the non-thinking, hand on the mouse, insta "eat it" tilt monkey definitely returned on that hand. Usually my remedy would be to "take some time off." But I need to win some money, and I can't win without playing, so I will just keep on grinding.

Rinse, Repeat... and time to Reflect

It's funny. I did my number crunching for the end of the month and compared it to last year and then I decided to go back and read some of my blog posts from last year and I am definitely still whining about the same stuff this year that I was last year. The difference this year is that I am actually losing money on the year and have a negative ROI for the year, whereas last year I was just whining about going on a downswing even though I never was actually down for the year.

I guess no matter what I can find something to whine about.

So 4 months into the year and it's a good time to review. I have had two barely winning months, one barely losing month, and one huge losing month. It just has been a super bad year so far. Last month I was able to just eke myself back to even but since then I am down like 9k again so I am down a total of about 9k for the year. Volumewise I am on pace to play the most amount of tourneys that I have ever played. Last year was my high and I only played 1326 tourneys. I am already at 732 this year so I should smash last year's record.

The big bad things that are happening to me this year are: 1) my final table percentage is much lower than it usually is; 2) even when I make final tables my top 3 percentage is way way down as well; and 3) I am just not anywhere as consistent as I have been in the past. My biggest downswing last year was like 8k and I only did that once. This year I have had a 20k downswing and I am now in the midst of a 9k swoon. So I've never gone through these depths before and I am really not enjoying it.

I am taking tomorrow off just to stop thinking about this mess and then I will be back at it this weekend. I expect to put in a lot of volume in May before I head off to the WSOP so all I can do is keep playing well and hope that a huge upswing hits me soon.

Still bleeding but feeling better

Wednesdays are now very much like Sundays in that there are lots of decent staked tourneys which means you can easily average over $100 per tourney. I played 18 today and paid a total of $2121. Lots of the tourneys I played had huge payouts for the top 3, but if you don't make a final table you end up losing for the day. Standard stuff. I moneyed 3 tourneys and lost like $1k for the day.

Lately my nights have ended with me bitching and moaning about my luck. But tonight for whatever reason I felt very calm. Frustrated for sure, but I just feel very secure in the knowledge that I am playing very well. I am not spewing, I am not pressing, I am adjusting to my opponents and just playing my spots and my cards really well. I simply am not getting there when I need to get there. But playing the what if game is simply sucking my soul out. I can keep playing well and putting myself in position to get that big score and eventually it will come... or it won't. But there is nothing I can do about that. So I am just going to continue to play well and let whatever happens happen.

I have finally withdrawn all of my money for the WSOP and the majority of my stakers money as well. With the combination of my monthly withdrawals for bills, my withdrawal for the WSOP, and my overall losing year so far my bankroll has taken quite a hit. I am no longer rolled to play the $300 tourneys, so tonight's quarter million was my last hurrah (I got 83rd) until I am able to juice the roll back up. These next couple of weeks will determine whether or not I am able to keep playing the Sunday majors on my own dime or if I am going to have to stake myself out for those as well. But since all I can do is play my best and see what happens, that is exactly what I am going to do.

Still bumbling around

Another long session. Another frustrating day. I got 24th in the 100k and 11th in another tourney on UB. Ended up losing basically exactly the profit I made yesterday. I'll keep at it tomorrow.

Scratching the Surface but I can't Break Through

I played my longest session of the year today. I got in 19 tourneys. I only moneyed 2 of them, but I did Final Table one - the $130 Sniper on UB. I ended up in 4th for just over $2500 but I still wanted to bash my head into the wall because I went out on a horrible cooler.


***** Hand History for Game 164564175 ***** (Absolute)
Tourney Hand NL Texas Hold'em - Tuesday, April 27, 12:27:41 ET 2010
Table Tournament 5209564 Table 38 (Real Money)
Seat 2 is the button
Seat 2: FUTUREPROQQ ( $309895.00 USD )
Seat 5: WELCOMEME ( $99170.00 USD )
Seat 6: CHARDRIAN ( $272300.00 USD )
Seat 7: DISK0STU ( $212635.00 USD )
FUTUREPROQQ posts ante of [$600.00 USD].
WELCOMEME posts ante of [$600.00 USD].
CHARDRIAN posts ante of [$600.00 USD].
DISK0STU posts ante of [$600.00 USD].
WELCOMEME posts small blind [$3000.00 USD].
CHARDRIAN posts big blind [$6000.00 USD].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to CHARDRIAN [ 3c Ac ]
DISK0STU raises [$15000.00 USD]
FUTUREPROQQ folds
WELCOMEME folds
CHARDRIAN calls [$9000.00 USD]
** Dealing Flop ** [ 3d, 3s, 2h ]
CHARDRIAN checks
DISK0STU bets [$24000.00 USD]
CHARDRIAN calls [$24000.00 USD]
** Dealing Turn ** [ 8h ]
CHARDRIAN checks
DISK0STU checks
** Dealing River ** [ 9h ]
CHARDRIAN bets [$44200.00 USD]
DISK0STU raises [$173035.00 USD]
CHARDRIAN calls [$128835.00 USD]
DISK0STU shows [4h, Ah ]
DISK0STU wins $429470.00 USD from main pot
CHARDRIAN shows [3c, Ac ]

I feel like I am playing so well. And I feel like I keep getting super close to decent scores... but then it just doesn't pan out. If I win that tourney instead of going out in 4th I win over $8k and get back to breakeven for the year. Instead I take another retarded ankle grabbing hand. I am still down close to $6k for the year and I continue to feel like I am drowning.

I know a lot of it is still just a lack of volume. This month is another example since I took so much time off for the Costa Rica vacation I have only played 129 tourneys for the month. So I am going to try to keep it in high gear the next 3 days and at least get close to my 200 tourney goal for the month.

Hopefully, (pretty pretty please?) the pokergods will soon shine on my hairy ass and give me that one glorious score and then life will be back to being peachy.

Ready to pack it in

I just got 13th in the UB 200k and am ready to off myself so be prepared that this will be one hell of a whine coming up.

I started the day stadardly, got deep in some stuff, AA got cracked in 4 different tourneys, KK cracked in another same ole same ole. But then I managed to get deep in the UB tourney and with less than 25 left I was strongly in 2nd place. I even allowed myself to look at the payouts and dream of a big payday because maybe just maybe my curse was finally going to end today. 1st place was 45k, 2md place was over 25k, and even 5th place was over 11k. I was on my way - I could pull myself out of the hole for the year and then some.

And then everything goes to complete and utter shit. AQ runs into a short super aggro's KK. I have to raise/fold 88 against a nit who never 3-bet. After waiting 3 orbits with nothing I finally get JJ and everyone folds. I now find myself with just 15 BBs and absolutely no opportunities to do anything and I pick up 79o and reshove it against a similar stacksize who was on the looser side and of course he wakes up with AK and out like trout I go in 13th.

The frustrating thing is that I keep getting so damn close and then just CAN NOT FINISH! And it is starting to eat me up inside. I know I am just one decent score from all of this being a thing in the past - but each time I get a glimpse of that score coming and then it doesn't materialize is just mind-bogglingly frustrating.

Yucky

Poker is back to being not very nice to me. I have actually had deep runs pretty much every session I have played since I have been back, but I just keep losing crucial hands deep in tourneys.

Tuesday was a lost race at the final table (AK
I am going to play in my live game tonight and just have fun, and then will be back at it on Sunday.

Costa Rica Trip Report

Ok so for those that don't know, my mom, although a gringa, was raised in Costa Rica because my grandpa had a farm/worked other odd jobs there. I went once as a kid when I was around 8 on a family trip, but other than that time I haven't been back. In that time my grandparents have passed away and the farm has been sold to an organization that now runs it the property as an ecotourism/research center as a rainforest reserve (my grandpa set aside a large portion of his land to preserve rather then to farm and even the portion he did farm has quickly been devoured by the "green monster" that is the rainforest.) So I was excited to go back and see Costa Rica with my mom as our tour guide.

First of all, I was super impressed with the country itself. I lived for over 2 years in Guatemala as a Peace Corps volunteer and although they may be close in distance, in terms of development, safety, healthcare, education, income, etc. they are two totally different countries. The roads in Costa Rica are paved and clean, people obey traffic laws and stay in their own obviously demarcated lanes. I love Guatemala and would encourage people to visit, but it is definitely a "3rd world/developing" country. Costa Rica may not be fully to the level that the U.S. is but it is at least pretty damn close.

Anyhoo, our itinerary consisted of arriving in San Jose, spending the night at a nice hotel there and then the next day we rented a car and headed off to Sarapiqui to visit my grandpa's old farm which is now The Tirimbina Rainforest Center. My mom couldn't understand why the car rental guy and the hotel front desk were giving her directions to go the "long way" to Sarapiqui when she wanted to go the short route, so we decided to wing it and we were able to navigate our way out of the capital and onto the route that my mom always took when she was growing up. Unfortunately they were doing massive road work on this "short cut" so the road was often unpaved. Then when we got like 2/3 of the way there we pass a sign that says road closed due to some earthquake. However we did see some cars coming up that road so at that point our choices were to head all the way back to San Jose and then start over taking the "long route" or just go for it and hope for the best. We ended up going for it and made it unscathed but with nerves frayed as the road was extremely treacherous with a couple of river crossings, huge potholes, slippery muddy spots, and huge embankments/cliffs on the side of the road with no guard rails to stop us.

Once we got there, we were impressed with what we found. The rooms were simple but nice, especially for being essentially in the middle of a rainforest. The showers were hot, they had internet access, and the food was very well done with a full bar.



We went on a couple of tours (the chocolate tour and a nighttime tour), had to cross the hanging bridge over the Sarapiqui river (I don't like heights but made it), and basically just had a good time hanging out with each other. We saw toucans, a monkey, lots of frogs, and these small, cute white bats.





We only spent a couple of days in the rainforest and then we headed back to San Jose (this time taking the recommended route) where we hopped on a puddle jumper plane and headed to the beach at Tamarindo. Tamarindo has exploded in the past decade - when my mom first went there was only one "real" hotel. Now there are lots and lots of hotels, fast food, car rental places. It is a gorgeous spot on the Pacific Ocean which is a big surfer hangout. We stayed at a more upscale hotel called the Capitan Suizo which is super duper eco friendly so it was almost like living in a zoo. Iguanas, monkeys, racoons, and lots of different birds all hung out by the pool. The hotel is on the outskirts of town at the end of the beach so we basically had the beach to ourselves where we could boogie board, lay by the pool, and again just relax. Which we did. My sister and her two kids met us there and we had fun just hanging out and relaxing. The only bad thing I can say about the trip was just that it was too short.

Let the whining begin again...

Meh - I feel like I am playing extraordinarily good and I am getting deep in big field tourneys, only to fizzle at the end. I had a 14th and an 18th today to go with my 9th from yesterday and both days I ended up losing money for the day.

It might be variance, it might be the games are just getting harder, whatever it is, it remains frustrating.

I am down for the year, down for the month, and no matter what I do, I just can't seem to get my head above water this year. I know that volume wise I am still hardly playing compared to the other internet kids, and even with my low volume I have had one losing month and two winning months, which isn't bad. But I still haven't had that one real good month where I profit a ton on money and that's what a professional mtter depends on.

I am in the process of setting aside all of my WSOP money for this year, so once I do that, I will see where I am at bankroll wise and just keep on plugging away.

Back at it and tired

I played a full session today and only made the money in one tourney. I did final table it - but I lost a race at the final table and ended in 9th so I still lost money for the day. I am tired after not putting in a full session when I haven't played in so long, but I feel good about my game.

I uploaded a whole bunch of photos from my trip today, so one of these days when I get some free time I will post some as well.

Back from Vacation

I just got back from a week of vacation in Costa Rica. We went with my mom who grew up there so it was fun to see her in her element. I will be driving back to Sacramento either tomorrow or on Tuesday and will be back at it with a vengeance from now until I leave for the WSOP.

I will try and post pictures and a trip report when I get home.

And closer...

I final tabled the same $55 tourney on Tilt today and got 3rd this time. I was generally pleased with how I played except for one marginal hero call I made late. Top 3s are always nice though and this one basically brought me back to even for the year ROI wise.

Getting Closer...

I final tabled the $55 freezeout on Tilt today and feel I played flawlessly (except for the very first hand where I sucked out). Unfortunately I got coolered at the final table and ran my JJ into AA and quickly went from 2nd with 7th left to out in 7th.

I did manage to eke out a small profit for the day which is never a bad thing, but of course my expectations weren't met so I am not really a happy camper.

I am taking tomorrow off and will play in my live home game, and then get back at it this weekend.

Monthly Volume Goal Achieved

My goal every month is to play at least 200 tourneys a month. I finally reached that goal for the first time this year and finished the month of March with 226 tourneys.

I also made a small profit for the month, but for the year I am slightly down and with the monthly withdrawals I make for bills, savings, and life in general the bankroll has taken a bit of a hit.

I do feel like I am way below expectation for the year, and if my previous stats are at all indicative of my future earning power this is definitely true. I have only made 7 final tables this year, whereas I normally should have about twice as many given my volume based on my previous stats. Then again, the game has definitely gotten tougher, with less fish and more pros, and more of the recreational players utilizing training sites, and poker forums, and books, and software.

So again the vicious mental cycle begins with the vast unknowingness of what my future will hold. I can say that I have a 13th, a 23rd, and a 27th under my belt these last two days in tourneys where first place was well over $10k, and in all 3 I either got it in ahead or was coolered. So I like how I am playing - now I just need to run good late.

Another sighful Sunday

I am always somewhat amazed at how sickened I continually get when I have another horrendous day at the virtual felts. One would think after playing this game for so long now, that I would get used to it. But I don't.

I played 15 tourneys today. I didn't cash any. I made a couple of minor mistakes - but nothing major and just didn't run well.

With my need to withdraw money for the World Series and make my monthly withdrawals, I am getting worried about feeling the bankroll pinch again soon, but all I can do is keep playing well, and hope that I go on a heater soon.

I actually feel that I am running way expectation for the year. But I also feel like the games are definitely getting tougher and tougher so I am not sure how much my expectation actually is.

New Culinary Experiences

I stayed up late last night/this morning watching one of my poker buddies take down a tournament and again woke up with less than my usual 8 hours of sleep, so instead of putting in a session when I wasn't feeling mentally at my best... I took another day off. Yeah yeah, surprise surprise.

Charmian was supposed to have the day off, but she wants more experience doing hysterectomies so she went in and is doing some of those. She also expected to be off by 6 (turns out she won't be home until at least 8 which also is no surprise) so I went to the store and bought some steaks and then our veggie box came today so I deciced to pair the steaks with a potato/red pepper/red onion mixture as well as making the cauliflower.

I am not a cauliflower fan at all. But I tried something new tonight instead of steaming it or pureeing it and hiding it in something else or dousing it in some sort of cheese sauce which is usually the only way I have found it palatable. Tonight I simply drizzled it in olive oil, added some fresh garlic, pepper, salt, and lemon juice and then just baked it for like 30 minutes at 400 degrees. And I was impressed at how good it was. Shouldn't have surprised me that simple food tastes so good, but I was still surprised.

I am not sure what we have in store tomorrow, but I know that I will be back at the virtual tables on Sunday.

Not a lot to update

Just a standard week. I put in full sessions on Tuesday and Wednesday, played well, no results. The only difference this week is that I am still running high on confidence from last week's win so I haven't been whining or moping as much.

I am not playing today because I am just tired. My wife got to "sleep in" until like 7:30 today. Usually I don't even notice when she wakes up because I am in deep sleep, but today she woke up late enough that she woke me up to, but early enough that I am still tired. So instead of playing an afternoon session, I took the morning off, deposited some checks, and basically have just been lazing around surfing the web and watching tv. Tonight I will do a couple of hours of coaching for a student who won some lessons through pwnage. Tomorrow and Saturday my wife has off so that means I am off too.

I am hoping for a nice Sunday score, but will just put in my play and let my results follow.

Back to it

So between taking time off to clean the house and yard, having my friend Adil come up for the weekend, and taking yesterday off to spend time with the wife, I haven't played since my win last Tuesday.

I know I take too much time off, but I feel refreshed and am excited to play again. I am sure I will bemoaning my luck soon enough, but it is always nice to come back playing in the correct state of mind. I also feel extremely fortunate that I am able to just say "meh I don't feel like working tomorrow, so I won't."

I played an afternoon session today and whiffed it but every hand I busted out on was completely standard so I have no real bad feelings. I was asked to play volleyball again tonight so I am going to do that and then tomorrow and Wednesday should be full schedule playing days.

I also got a week trial pass at a local gym so I am going to try my best and get there at least 3 days this week.

Psyche restored

So as is often the case after a big win of mine, I take the day off and just get some of the crap that I leave undone when I am grinding done. I cleaned the house, made some pinto beans, some breakfast potatoes, and chicken chiliquiles.

We recently started getting fresh veggies from local farms delivered to our house so I am thinking how I am supposed to cook the kale and red chard we got, but I am not a big leafy veggie guy so I can't think of anyway that will be appetizing so it will probably just stay in the fridge until I throw it out.

Anyhoo, I can't believe how much better I feel simply by getting that huge weight off my shoulders last night. I also realize how fortunate I am - that was by far my longest downswing ever, and I know that many many other pro players have gone through much worse. So I also realize that I need to continue working on my mental toughness.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

I took down the $162 50k guarantee on Stars for over $17k. So the downswing is officially over. Scary thing is that huge huge win just brings me back to even for the year.

My friends who I talk to on vent are also happy campers because they don't have to listen to whine and bitch for at least a little while now.

Tomorrow I clean up the house, do my state taxes and maybe play a night session.

Still leaking

I continue to plug on, I continue to get frustrated. I did final table something today but it was the smallest tourney I play and so even with a final table I ended up losing money on the day.

I did have people watch me play today and the consensus is that I am playing well and just not running well so that is somewhat of a relief as well.

So I will continue to keep plugging away this week, and just continue to keep re-evaluating and hopefully (pretty please?) this thing will swing around soon.

Still can't break through

Poker continues to go poorly results wise. I still feel like I am playing very well overall (although I have been making some "screw it" mistakes) but I just can't get that one elusive big score to break me out of the slump.

The one silver lining is that even though I am down over $10k for the year, even though I am still making my monthly withdrawals, my bankroll is not totally depleted. In previous times it is very likely I would have tried to chase my losses at bigger cash games and blown through even more of my roll. But this time I have maintained my composure and my bankroll and so I still have enough that I can play up to $300 tourneys which means I still give myself a shot everyday I play to make that $15k+ score.

It is going to happen... it's just a matter of when.

Actually got out of the house

I played an afternoon session today and then was invited to sub in for a volleyball game tonight so I jumped at the opportunity. I am out of shape, and haven't played for ages, but it was fun. And even better, my knee didn't really bother me at all while I was playing - it is hurting now, but it didn't hurt while I was jumping.

Tomorrow I will finally play a full afternoon and evening session.

Back to it

This will be the last weekend in a long time that my wife actually has time off, so we enjoyed it. We slept in, got some gardening done, I made a really nice meal last night, and then today we had a late breakfast and I didn't start playing until the Sunday million started at 1:30.

I again am playing well. I cashed 4 out of the 10 tourneys I played. But I still just can't finish anything out. Losing flips, not getting paid with my monsters, same old same old. I am actively working on stopping the whining, and the focusing on how crappy I am running and am really trying to just focus on results and then go from there.

I am not planning on doing a whole lot interesting this week other than really trying to put in some volume, so I will just keep plugging away and hopefully bink something off soon enough.

1/2 timing it

I have put in 3 afternoon session this week and am making the money a lot and feel like I am playing super well but I haven't had the mental fortitude to play a night session because I keep almost making a final table, bubbling it, and then being too frustrated to put any more volume in.

A 19th, a 15th, and today a 14th and it just is eating me up. If I were giving advice to myself I would tell me to keep playing well, don't let the frustration make you spew, and the results will come. But being in the midst of a string where it just seems no matter I do I can't break through, makes me wonder if the results ever really will come.

Vacation Pics

One of my law school professor's writes a blog and also travels pretty frequently so when I saw pics of her trip to Tobago a year ago I kept it in my mind that that looks like a nice place to go.

So with that as basically my only guide I convinced my wife and her family that for her February vacation we should go to Tobago. The flights were relatively cheap so we booked it. I found a nice condo directly on the beach on the Caribbean side of the island.

We luckily ended up on a gorgeous beach that was very uncrowded, soft sand, warm water, waves that were fun enough to play in but not so huge that any of us ever felt nervous, and a long stretch of calm open water so that we could take nice long swims. For our family at least this is heaven.

We did spend one day traveling to a couple of different beaches that had better snorkeling so we got to see some more of the island, but after that day we realized how much we enjoyed just relaxing at our own digs on the beach, with our own pool to rinse off, so we stayed put. And enjoyed the sunsets and cocktails from our own deck, watched the locals pull in their fishing nets, and just had a really really relaxing and good time.

Back Home

After over a week of rest and relaxation, I have finally made it back home. We went to Tobago for a week with my wife's family and had a great time. I will try and post pics and a recap later this week.

For now, I am pooped after the long ass drive from L.A. back to Sacramento. Tomorrow I will get back to work.

Good time for vacation

I again feel like I played really well and just didn't get rewarded. I money bubbled the $320 Quarter Million on Stars when my AA got cracked by KK. I then got 8th in a deepstack tourney on UB. I got 13th in the $30 rebuy, and I got like 20th in the $215 sniper on UB as well.

So lots of deep finishes, even a final table, and a grand total of barely positive for the day. All 4 of those tourneys paid over 10k for first. And two of them paid well over $10k. So bricking out was once again.... just frustrating.

So it's a good time for a mental break and I'm looking forward to take it. I don't know how much I will be blogging for the next week or so...

Perspective

Prepare for a rambling post.

I am in the midst of a downswing exceeding $10k and it is playing a major clusterfuck on my psyche. I know that to many of my internet wunderkid counterparts this is a drop in the bucket, but to me it is the biggest downswing I have ever been on... and to be honest hearing that others have lost more money than I have isn't very reassuring, it's downright frightening. The game draws fewer and fewer recreational players, and more and more of the players in the pool are using poker training sites and forums and are becoming better players which makes the games tougher and tougher. A 100% ROI which was the common goal just 3-4 years ago is basically unheard of now - there are high volume button pushers out there who are now happy with just 10-20% ROIs.

So what does this mean for me? Fuck if I know. Were my last 7 consecutive winning months an anomaly or is this month the outlier? Can I expect things to turn around and still attain at least a 50% ROI this year or am I going to struggle to achieve a 20% ROI? I don't know.

What I do know is that I will put in a full session tomorrow. I will take my time and make as good of decisions as I possibly can in each spot and I will let the results come. And then I will go on vacation for the rest of the month and just concentrate on having a good time with my wife and family.

I have no idea what this year will bring, and that vast unknown is what takes a little bit of the luster of this lifestyle. But I do know that I am healthy, that I am at least borderline smart and have the capability of adjusting, and the only thing I can control is my decision making - so I will concentrate on that and keep hoping for the best.

I don't know what to say

I know that reading a blog that only talks about how frustrated I am because I can't win lately has got to be the most boring thing ever to read. But it's either that or don't post at all.

The downswing continues and my head is definitely not in a real good place, but I also don't see any glaring mistakes that I am making. So all I can do is keep pushing through it.

We go on vacation soon, so no matter what I will be taking some time off. Until then I am going to just keep grinding.

Ok it's officially a downswing

I still feel like I am playing well but I also know that I am getting frustrated so I might be spewing in some spots.

Again I haven't put in tons of volume this year so my sample size is still small but I do know I am down close to $8k over my last 100 tourneys. And it just sucks.

I had a very vivid dream last night of me making over $35k in one tourney so hopefully I dream well.

I am taking the rest of today off, and then will hang out with my wife for a bit tonight and then go play my live game. Tomorrow I will be back grinding.

I put in a full session today...

but no results. I am in one of those phases where I am actually making the money on a regular basis but I just can't finish anything off. The vast majority of my earnings come from making final tables and from there getting a top 3 score so while making the money is nice because it staunches the moneyflow out it doesn't really do anything else.

I have only played 224 tourneys total this year and I am basically break even (actually I am up $763) - so it isn't even that I am "downswinging" I am just not upswinging. I feel like I am playing really well right not tho, so hopefully I will win one of these important races late in a tourney and break out with a nice score soon.

When my mom visits we eat well

My mom came to visit for this last weekend and in general when she comes we take things very easy - we walk the dog, watch some tv, talk a bunch, and just relax. But where we don't relax is when it comes to food. My mom is a very good cook so it always nice to have her here and learn a bit from her in the kitchen.

Our big food festival this weekend was a starter of dates stuffed with goat cheese and wrapped in salami; shrimp cooked two ways (breaded and sauteed); my rasberry/gorgonzola/walnut salad; and then since I don't like shrimp, I made a NY strip steak.

mmm, mmm, mmm.

On the poker front, I will be back at it the rest of this week so hopefully the run good will hit me.

Days like today are why so many grinders don't make it

I actually only played an afternoon session today and I played super well. Only to lose money for the day.

I managed to get my way into the money in 3 of the 8 tourneys I played only to finish in 22nd, 27th, and 18th and the three I cashed were the smallest buy-in tourneys I play... So even though I waded through over 1800 players in one tourney, and over 2 thousand players in another, I still managed to lose over $200 on the day.

I wish I was a better writer because I would love for others to be able to understand my frustration of playing that well for that long only to wind up doing my bookkeeping at the end of the night with absolutely no results. Yet with my paltry writing skills at least, the frustration remains indescribable.

Just keeping on

I was supposed to do a coaching session this afternoon but it fell apart so I played a small session this afternoon and then another session this evening. I am still playing really well but the poker mojo just didn't run my way today.

I did get to watch my Bagers run over the Spartans which was fun and also was able to watch Lost tonight so all in all it wasn't a horrible day.

Sundays = Online poker

Fridays might be my night to actually get out and play live poker but Sundays are the signature say to play lots of good value tourneys online. I woke up tired and a bit hungover so I just put in a half session but was pleased with how I played. I didn't get any huge scores but I gave myself as good of a chance as possible in every tourney I played and that really is all I can ask for.

Fridays = live poker

Friday night means that my live poker game at a house not too far from where I live takes place. It is the one day of the week where I am assured to actually get out of the house and talk to people face to face rather than over a headset while seated at my computer. The game is full of genuinely good people who are at least decent at poker, so I always have a good time.

I am going to spend the afternoon cleaning up the house. Tomorrow night I will spend with my wife, and then hopefully I will be back fully recharged for a good Sunday.

Taking a deep breath

No matter what I do to try and break the cycle, I can't help but dwell on things when I get close to a big score and then fizzle at the end. And since that has happened twice this last week I have been sleeping like crap.

I put in an evening session tonight, played great, ran poorly and ended early but it has given me time to just sit, reflect, take a deep breath and a step back, and as usual at the end of these cycles, I realize how fortunate I am.

I am actually up this month, and although of course I wish I had seized my final table opportunities better so that I was WAY up, I still am doing fine. My bankroll is healthy, I am playing well, as long as I keep grinding I should keep making money. So tomorrow I will put in another session and keep living the life.

Still sort of stewing

I know I should be happy since I had a very profitable day. I know I should be happy that I am playing really well. I know I should be happy.... but I'm not.

I got 5th in the afternoon $162 tourney on stars for $5700 which is great. But I was 2nd in chips with 5 left and 4 of the 5, including myself, were willing to chop which would have given me $12.7k but one guy refused so we keep playing and I end up out in 5th in a basic cooler hand. So I can't help but feel that I lost out on $7k and hence the dejection.

Stewing

Barf. I just came in 8th in a $55 freezeout on Stars which was worth over $10k for the top 3 spots and I was by far and away the chipleader at the final table. I actually don't feel like I played horribly, I just got hosed. I went from first to 4th on a hand that I could not fold. From 4th to last when I had JK on a JQx flop, and then out a couple hands later. But the feeling that I left good money on the table is just really really hard to shake.

I am upset with myself, I am upset at the game, I am upset at pokerstars, just generally upset. I know at some point soon I will be able to take a step back and realize this all just part of the game, but right now I just want to bang my head repeatedly into a wall.

Settling back into a routine

Tourneys have been bad for me the last two nights, as in I haven't cashed in anything, but cash has been okay. There are some obvious strategy differences in fullring cash that I don't really want to get into on here, but I think I am a quick learner so hopefully I have righted the cash ship and can keep on cruising.

Tomorrow should be more of the same.

Back to Real Life

So our little house survived 3 days with 13 people and 2 dogs (the picture includes everyone but no guarantees on how well they are portrayed). It is always nice to have family around... and it always nice for things to get back to normal as well.

Supposedly comcast is doing something to improve the cable in our neighborhood this next week and their might be outages, so I basically can't play tourneys during the day because if service is interrupted I would just be screwed. So the plan this week will be to play cash during the day and play tourneys at night.

INVASION!

We are being invaded this weekend but in a good way. My family is all coming here for the MLK weekend. My sister and her brood, my dad, step-mom and their brood, and my cousin and her brood are all coming. So we are looking at something like 13 people and 3 dogs in our nice little 2 br/1 ba 1000 sq ft house. The weather is supposed to be crappy so I am thinking it is going to be a games/movie/shopping mall type weekend. No matter what, I have fun with the fam so it should be a good time. I'll be back playing Monday night.

My dejection is nothing in comparison

Even though I couldn't help feeling that I had been punched in the gut last night. Even though I couldn't help repeating the what if's in my head as I went to sleep (what if I had just folded that last hand, what if I had won $50k, what if I had taken a different line, etc.) last night. I do realize how fortunate I am and I am cognizant of the fact that many in this world are not as fortunate.

If you are in a giving mood (and yes Haiti is on my mind) here are two great organizations that can always use your donations:

Partners In Health

American Red Cross

Want to poke my eyes out

I got 13th in the Quarter million on stars. I just can't finish on that site. 1st was over $50k. 13th was just over $2k. I am so dejected right now it is hard to put in words.

Hemorraghing staunched

I cleaned up the house this afternoon and then played a nightly session and feel like I played super duper well. I made 1 final table and 2 final 2 tables and felt like I had a shot to win all three tourneys. In the end I did win a $26 tourney on FullTilt for just over $8k so I am back in the black again for the year. I am going to try and get some decent volume in this week so hopefully the run good and play good continue.

Trying to stop the hemorrhaging

January has been a complete dud so far. This is the part of my job that is hardest to explain and to deal with mentally. Friends, family, and random schmoes just see or hear the wins I make but the fact that I can lose $1k a day over multiple days doesn't always sink in.

I am almost positive this is how last year started as well until like the middle of the month when I got second in a big tourney and turned things around. And that's just the nature of this game. Lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, pull out hair, get frustrated, get stressed, and then bam, I win and things are fine again. So I'll keep grinding, playing as well as I can and wait (hope) for things to turn around.

Trying to keep upbeat

This game is mentally hard:

I made three top 20s last night but no final tables and one horrific beat late which would have guaranteed a final table which = a net loss for the day;

My KK have lost the last 4 times I have played them;

I didn't cash one tourney this afternoon and except for some minor mistakes in one tourney it was not because of my play but simply because of my luck....

But I also realize that all of the above is very much blah blah meow chow. No one cares about my recent bad luck, or my bad beats and they shouldn't. I know I sure don't care about yours.

The problem is I care. The problem is I still get frustrated when I lose. The problem is even though I can rationally discuss how every player must wade through the variance inherent in poker, when the variance is hitting me square in the face I become irrational.

I am much better about not spazzing out in my other tourneys when the bad beats/lost races/coolers start flowing but I have yet to find a way to control my frustrations. At least I have a couple of hours to burn and simmer down before I start my nightly session.

Feeling a little less rectally abused

After getting repeatedly hosed (and playing a little poorly as well) the last couple of days I went and played my nightly live session. It's a fun mix of people and we are friendly enough that I can call people fuckface and not have to worry about them taking it personally or getting my face busted in. There is one guy who just likes to tangle with me (and vice versa) so we basically ended up just flipping for $40 stacks on a number of occassions. I probably broke even for the night but I had fun and it definitely helped get me back into a better mental framework.

So I played my regular afternoon session today and although I didn't cash in any of the 8 tourneys I did recoup a vast majority of my cash losses from yesterday. I played full ring $1/2 NL and just joined new tables as I got knocked out of tourneys. After spewing off a buy-in a and a half because I don't believe people preflop, I then hunkered down and won like 5 buy-ins. So I finished up like $650 playing cash which more or less covered my tourney entries for the day. My plan is to continue to do the same thing. Playing cash should keep all of my spots on my computer screen full so I don't waste as much time surfing the web, and as long as I stop bluffing in bad spots I think I will be able to beat the game at a pretty nice clip. We'll see how it goes...

Tonight I am playing the big Wednesday tourneys so the possibility of a big payoff is there. Hopefully the cards will fall my way.

Semi-Tilt Session

I played an afternoon session yesterday, and actually played really well, got semi-deep in a couple of tourneys and just flipped out a bit when I lost 4 races in a row to knock me out. I then proceeded to take a break, watch the Boise State/TCU football game and decided to play some cash after the game....

Cash went miserably. Between bluffing at the wrong times, making hero calls that blew up in my face, getting coolered, and not winning races I ended up losing close to $3k. Blech.

Thankfully, I didn't keep chasing my losses after that and just hung it up. I am going to try and keep playing cash this year because it is a skill that I feel I very well might need in the future if I am going to be able to continue playing fulltime, but I need to make sure that my mindset is right when I play it.

In better news, I sold out my WSOP BAP, so I am definitely going this summer.

Average Crappy Sunday

My wife left the lights on on our pickup so the first thing we had to do this morning was jump start it since she killed the battery. Of course both of us are mechanically retarded, so we had to google how to use the damn jumper cables in fear of exploding batteries and sparks flying everywhere. But amazingly that went down without a real hitch.

Since she had to study before going off to work today, I put in an afternoon session and the only tourney I cashed was the one I cared least about for a minimum cash. There is some part of me, I guess, that keeps expecting the losing to somehow get easier... but it doesn't. I still hate it. It doesn't matter to me that I played fine. It doesn't matter to me that I did not tilt off my chips or make a bad read or just a stupid mistake. It doesn't matter to me that people are dying in Africa and the Middle East. It doesn't matter to me that I probably ran above expectation last year. All that matters to me when I lose is that it still sucks to lose.

Anyhoo, my wife starts nights again tonight which tends to throw the house into a state of flux so I am going to try and get the house semi-clean tonight, get in a workout, and then I'll be back at it tomorrow.

Happy New Year = Planning for the WSOP

I am definitely an early bird, but I like to get my finances set up early so I have already put up my BAP for the WSOP. For those that don't know what a BAP is, it stands for Buy A Piece, and it is the method I use to sell my action for the WSOP.

You can find my ad here.

I actually thought long and hard about what sort of cut I wanted to offer this year. Last year there was basically a buying frenzy before the World Series so I offered what was a very good cut for myself at 67/33 (the investor gets 67% of their profit share) and was still able to sell it out. I was thinking of offering the exact same cut this year since I was one of the few on parttimepoker who actually profited last year, but I decided in the end to offer an even better cut to my investors and ended up offering a 75/25 cut. Since I will buy 1/3 of my own action (i.e. I will pay $10k of my own money and am looking for others to pay $20k), I will end up keeping exactly 50% of any profits I make this year and distributing the other 50% to my investors.

I did this for quite a few reasons:

1) I believe that the amount invested for this year's series is going to be much lower than it was last year.

2) I wanted to help set the bar for this year's series. PTP has gotten a little bit out of line with "standard" staking deals. A standard deal is usually an 80/20 cut without makeup or 50/50 with makeup. Obviously the players who are trying to sell their action can and should try and get better deals if people are willing to pay for it, but the standard 70/30 cut on PTP is really a steal for the players and I am not so sure investors will be jumping at that cut anymore.

3) I want to sell out as quickly as possibly and with as few investors as possible so I am willing to give up some percentage in myself in order to do so.

When all is said and done, I try my best to be as fair as possible. I don't like getting cheated and I don't like cheating others. I felt like this offer is pretty rocksolid in terms of fairness. Now I get to wait and see how the market feels.

End o' year stats

I lied and played a session tonight and basically bricked out.

My end of the year stats are as follows:

198 cashes in 1326 tourneys with 34 final tables and an ending ROI of 96.65%.

Here's to another successful year in 2010!

Boring New Year's Eve

I took the car in to get its 15k mile tune-up and when I made the appointment the guy told me that they would drive me home so I could wait comfortably until they finished it. Of course when I actually got there they were like, "well the shuttle just left and we think we can finish it pretty quick so why don't you just wait?"

If they had said this when I made the appointment I would have brought my laptop and been fine. Sine they didn't, all I got to do was read the paper and wait, and wait, and wait... for 4 fricking hours!! Argh, it was definitely aggravating but what else could I do? Anyhoo, errands are done, and I was thinking of actually playing tonight, but I realize that I just don't have the mojo. So instead I'll just lock up a positive year and a positive month and start the new year off fresh.

As far as big new year's plans - come on, let's face it, I am a big poker playing dork who doesn't get out much so my plans include me, my remote, and my dog Chula. My wife is on call tonight so she will likely deliver the first baby of the new year, so I'll probably just try and steal her coolness by living vicariously through her.

Random Thoughts

I finished reading The Professor, The Banker, and the Suicide King which is a book about Andy Beal, a biliionaire banker, who basically decides that he wants to play super high stakes heads up limit poker against some of the best poker players around. He had so much money that the poker players were required to pool their money together and play him as a conglomerate - it helped them in many respects because they could rotate players in and pounce on him when he got tired. I really enjoyed the book because it delved much more into the mindsets and backgrounds of the players rather than getting into strategy (which I deal with on a daily basis through playing and through pokerpwnage). I have also played with, and even busted, the author of the book which made it an added plus. Reading about the amount of risk these players were willing to take was both a little mind boggling and also made me realize that if I really want to move up and make tons of cash I am probably going to have to delve more and more into cash games.

On the poker front, I put in a session this afternoon and felt that I played pretty exceptional poker in the one tourney I got semi-deep in. My 3-bet bluffs were working, my postflop play was taking pots down, everything felt spot on... but then I took 2 bad beats late with KK and poof I was out in 39th. It was somewhat fitting because some of the newer guys on the vent channel I use to "talk poker" have been bemoaning their luck and whining about bad beats lately. I can't say that I no longer get upset or frustrated when I take bad beats now, but I do feel like I have a much healthier mindset about them now then I ever have before. All I can do is play my best and let the luck work itself out.

I decided to take tonight off because I wanted to watch my Badgers play and I was pleasantly surprised to see them pretty much manhandle U of Miami. Tomorrow I am off to my first pt appointment for my knee but I am hoping to get in a session tomorrow night.

Last workweek of the year

So the family has come and gone. We had a good Christmas even though it was too quick and somewhat of a whirlwind and now it is quickly back into the same old routine. Especially since my routine is heavy on finding reasons not to play. I took today off after waking up early, doing an hour coaching session, and then taking a nap and waking up in time to watch Monday Night football.

I am planning on actually working tomorrow and then I have my first pt appointment for my knee on Wednesday and have to take the car in for its 15k mile maintenance on Thursday.

Other than that I should be getting back into the same old same old of grinding, playing some live games, and just trying to enjoy life as best as I can.

Merry Christmas!

We aren't celebrating until Sunday (so we can do our x-mas shopping for each other tomorrow) but I hope everyone else is having a great day today.

Sounds like we are going to spend the day playing games, watching movies, taking walks, and cooking (well more like I will be cooking, but I like to cook and don't have to clean when I cook for my wife's family) tri-tip, twice baked potatoes, salad, and probably brownies and ice cream for dessert. Good thing the sticking to a diet resolution doesn't have to start until next year.

Blue table time!

I played an afternoon session today that didn't go so well, so when it ended around 4:40 I decided that I would take the dog for a walk, eat some dinner and then crank up a later nightly session (I usually start my nightly session at 5 p.m.).

So I did just that and then played bad/took some bad beats early on so I decided to unregister for the later tourneys that I was going to play and just stick with the two tourneys I was left in. Well 6-7 hours later and I made the money in both tourneys and ended up winning the $30 rebuy on Tilt (when they seat you at the final table on tilt the software puts you at a blue table - hence the title of this post) for just over $7k which brings me back out of the hole for December and should mean my 4th consecutive winning month in a row. It also brings my yearly ROI to 99.4% and brings my bankroll up to the highest I have ever had it, so it definitely was a good way to end the night.

I need to clean the house and yard tomorrow and then I am making a dinner for my wife and her best friend from work tomorrow night and then I have family coming in on Christmas eve, so I will not be playing any poker for the rest of this week. So in case I don't post again, I wish all of my readers (yes all 4 of you) a merry christmas.

Tying up some loose ends

It is rainy and drizzly here so I didn't want to clean the floors only to have them get muddied up again + I might as well wait until right before my family comes on Thursday to start cleaning = all I did clean up wise today was vacuum and clean the dishes.

I did mail off our X-mas cards, put in an evening session and watched the Survivor finale so I did get some stuff done.

I also have been added to the pokercurious list of blogs so I might pick up some more traffic that way. We'll see.

I plan on playing a full session tomorrow and then will be off for a while as my wife's best friend is coming over Wednesday night and I am making dinner and then my wife's family comes for X-mas on Thursday.

Downtime

So my wife finally had a couple of days off and I've just been relaxing and spending time with her. I bought our christmas tree, did some errands, made and addressed x-mas cards, watched our dvr'ed Dexter and Survivor, and even better I still managed to make some money even when I wasn't playing because the guy who I help to stake and my "protege" (the student who I am coaching) both won tons o'cash and I get a percentage of that so yee haw that's a nice bonus too.

While I am talking about my protege, I have to say that he really impresses me. Of the 3 students I chose, only one really took full advantage of what I have to offer and the best part is that he is the youngest student I chose (he's still in college) and was playing the smallest stakes when we began. Not only did he pay attention when we had our 1 on 1 coaching sessions, but he also used and continues to use full advantage of the group of poker guys who I talk with on a ventrilo server. I talk with some great poker minds on a daily basis and not only do we have the ability to talk over poker hands and situations but we also very frequently get into some pretty in depth poker theory. So I just don't see how someone can not improve just sitting and listening to us and joining in on our conversations. He was the only one to do this, and it is no surprise to me that he has increased his average buy-in from $1-2 tourneys to now at probably around $15 and he has increased his nominal bankroll to well over $10k in these last 2 months. So yeah, it feels good to know that I was a part in making that happen.

Full Session No Results

I put in a full session today and basically broke even. I made it to the final two tables of 2 different tourneys but just couldn't get it done. I was (and still am) a little bit upset at myself because I semi-bluffed in one of the tourneys when I had a big stack in a spot that I just didn't need to waste chips and my opponent likely had me crushed. I feel like I rarely make those kinds of mistakes anymore so it was definitely frustrating to do so.

I do feel good that I finally put in a 50+ tourney week so I did get some volume in. Charmian has been working nights the last two weeks and she finally has some time off this weekend so I will play an afternoon session and then take Fri. night and Sat. off and maybe just play the later tourneys this Sunday (if at all).

The WSOP schedule is already out for next June and I am already starting to formulate my plan. I think I am basically just going to do exactly what I did last year and try to get a $30k roll together and play as many of the $1k-$2500 WSOP events as possible as well as mix in some of the side tourneys at the Venetian/Caesars etc. Once I put the ad up on PTP I will link it here for anyone who is interested in investing in me.

Small little score

I played the $109 PLO/8 tourney on stars as a filler tourney and took it down for like $2500. Nice to have a positive day. I also got 2 hours of coaching in which went well I think (I hope). So all in all I call it a good day.

First full day in a long time

I played two sessions today for a full day of probably over 10 hours of playing and just couldn't finish how I wanted to. The best I did was make the final table bubble of one tourney... Always a little frustrating to play that long and play pretty well and not get rewarded. I realize the last couple of months I have gotten a big score early in the month which has made things very easy. This month I have started slowly which means I need to dig myself out of a hole before I can feel better. And at the buy-in levels I am at now it is also pretty easy for that hole to get pretty big, pretty fast, so hopefully things turn around again soon.

I have also picked up a couple of coaching hours through pokerpwnage, so that should be a nice way for me to earn some side money each month.

Back to the Grind

I played my live game on Friday night and won the small tourney that was held and online I have been playing basically one session a day. It has been rainy and dreary here so other than taking Chula for a walk every day I haven't been getting out that much.

Charmian is stuck in the midst of working the night shift and was on call today so I haven't seen much of her. She was actually off yesterday but since she was working nights all last week her sleep schedule was all screwy so she couldn't get to sleep until like 7 in the morning and slept until 3 pm - and then had to wake up for work at 5am today so she basically woke up to go back to bed.

Anyhoo, she is on nights again this week which makes it hard for me to do anything other than hide in the garage during the day while she sleeps so that I don't wake her up.

Year in Review/Goals

This time of year is always a time to review how the year went and refocus on goals.

My goals for this year were to:

1) I want to maintain an ROI of at least 50%
2) I want to profit 100 k playing poker
3) I want to play at least 2500 tourneys (doubling my volume this year - and basically guaranteeing a 100k year if I can get close to a 50% ROI)
4) I want to continue garnering more exposure in the pokerworld which will hopefully lead to more moneymaking opportunities (sponsorships, writing deals, etc.), and
5) I want to get back in shape.

I have close to a 100% ROI for the year, I made close to 100k, I made a WSOP final table and through my pokerpwnage work I feel that I am gaining more exposure so I feel happy with goals 1,2, and 4.

I will end up playing about 1300 tourneys for the year which is just 1/2 of my volume goal so I failed there pretty miserably. And I am in the worst shape of my life so that was likewise a fail.

I also took on a couple of students and I feel like I have helped them make strides in their poker game. All in all I feel like I had a very good year, and feel very fortunate for the success I had. I continue to struggle with the volume/not wanting to make poker a grind balance but I do feel good about the fact that the vast majority of time that I play I am in a good mental place and thus play at a high level and with relatively few mistakes.

My goals for next year will be exactly the same as they were this year - the only difference is that I want to focus on getting back into shape as my primary goal.

Playing some again

I have put in two afternoon sessions the last two days and feel like I am playing well/fine just missing out on the big hands you need to win late in tourneys. So I will continue to play sporadically the rest of this month and continue to play my home cash games as well.

I also went for my follow-up appointment with my knee and it looks like I basically have lost a lot of cartilage in the knee. My options are physical therapy, some weird lubricating shot, and lastly surgery. I have decided to start with the pt and then just go from there. We'll see what happens.

Couple of pics

Thanksgiving was good. I am a family guy and I got to spend time with almost all of my family (one week in L.A. with my dad's side of the family and one week in Santa Barbara with my wife's family) so I am a happy camper.

I didn't take as many pictures as I would like but here are some of us with Chula on a Santa Barbara beach hike.

Home Again

After a two week jaunt visiting family in L.A. and Santa Barbara I am back home and exhausted from the 6+ hr drive today. I will try and post a recap later.

I am almost embarrassed to post it...

I decided to play an afternoon session today and I won one of the 7 tourneys I entered for just over $7k. I am obviously running just insanely good lately - whenever I play (which is rarely) I win. I realize the downswing will happen, but riding the upswing sure is nice.