Still knocking on the door

I finally made a Final Table today so that's good. Still lost with AA versus 22 at the final table to finish in 5th so that blows. But the mantra is definitely true - all I can do is play my best and let the results happen. If I could do anything to appease the poker gods I would, but I have no idea what that would be.

I also had deep runs in 3 other tourneys so I feel real good about my game - now I am just waiting for the full flung run good to hit me in the face.

Doing my best to not let poker run my life

With the salary stake I am doing I have to put in volume to get my salary. But lately I am feeling like the donkey chasing that elusive carrot. No matter what I do, I can't win and I am letting that affect how I am feeling away from the computer. So I am taking tonight and tomorrow off and then I'll just keep grinding this Sunday.

The repetitiveness of losing everyday is getting to me mentally but there is also little I can do to change that. I am reviewing my hand histories, having friends watch me play, posting hands, discussing strategy, taking my time while I am playing... and I still am just coming up empty.

So it is back to the keep grinding mentality and also doing my best to continue to do things away from the computer so that I am not always so focused on the losses.

Still swinging and missing

I got yet another 12th in the $163 60k on Tilt. Again first was over 17k. Again I went home with like $800 and a sour taste in my mouth.

I decided to check my stats in this tourney and was grossed out by what I saw. I have played this tourney and it's nightly counterpart 166 times this year. I have cashed it 25 times (which is fine). I have 0 final tables. That's abysmal. I generally make a final table around 2-2.5% of the time. So I should have 3-4 final tables. Instead I have none.

What I do have are 11 final 20s (10,11,12,12,13,14,15,15,18,19,20). The what ifs are never good to get into for too long because you can't do anything about past results. But man. That just blows.

Sigh. Tomorrow is another day.

Day Off

I got another frustrating 12th in the $163 afternoon tourney on Tilt yesterday so instead of playing today with a defeated attitude I decided to take the day off, watch a ton of sports (my Badgers won a thriller against Iowa), and just be super lazy. Tomorrow I will play a full Sunday session.

Back at it and the downswing continues

I am getting my volume in now that I am home, but so far still no love. The vacation was nice, but the pressure to win and the frustration of a downswing that has now reached somewhere around $30k over the last 2 and a half months is just leaving me emotionally spent.

I am about 1/3 of the way through my salary stake deal and so far it has gone miserably. Hopefully I can get a decent score soon. My psyche needs it.

Back from Vacation

I was in Santa Barbara last week with my wife's family and had a blast. Tons of good food, good company, hikes, basketball, decktime, relaxing, watching the Badgers beat OSU, and just generally being treated like royalty is hard not to enjoy. I played no poker, and had very little internet access which was probably a good thing. But now I am back, and starting today I am back to work.

Finally a positive day

I went back to just playing an afternoon session and cashed 7 of the 10 tourneys I played today. For me, doing sessions is just better for me mentally so I will be going back to just playing sessions.

I have made some minor tweaks to my game and it definitely should let me get into the money more often. My best finish today was like a 15th. Still waiting for the final table to come...

Some work and some fun

I was a substitute for a friend of mine in his volleyball league last night and had a blast just pounding the ball.

Today I put in my first full session for my stake. Instead of doing two different 10 tourney sessions, I just started playing at noon and kept registering for tourneys until about 6 pm. I ended up playing 21 tourneys total. I am not sure whether I will continue registering like this or if I will go back to two sessions. I was definitely tired at the end of today, but it was doable.

I am still running pretty miserably, and even though I am playing with other's money the frustration isn't decreasing at all. If anything it is increasing. I really want this staking arrangement to work which means I need to profit, so to see me already like $2500 in the hole is just barftastic. I also just haven't had a decent score in so long that it's just eating at me.

I will be back at it tomorrow tho.

Out of Shape

My wife and I went on a 40 mile bikeride yesterday and I did not fair too well.

Going out the 20 miles to the Nimbus dam was not a problem, we had a nice picnic lunch, I didn't feel sore or winded at all. But coming back was tough. My quads starting tightening up after maybe just 5 miles on the way home so the last 15 miles were torture.

I actually don't feel bad at all today so it's more of me just being horribly out of shape than it was a strenuous bikeride.

Anyhoo, I am going to start my salaried 400 tourney stake tomorrow. I am eager to see how it goes.

We'll see how this new venture works out...

Because I have sold out already.

My wife is off this weekend so I am not sure if my first day of this new venture will be on Sunday or Monday, but it is going to start.

I am looking forward to it.