Update

Between trying to grind out my last tourneys for the stake I am doing, traveling to Dallas for x-mas with my sister and family for 5 days before x-mas, having my wife's family come here for the x-mas weekend, and now getting ready to go to D.C. for New Year's I have been busy.

I love spending time with my family so I have really enjoyed the last couple of weeks.

If the clinic in Fresno agrees to the changes we suggested in my wife's contract, then she should soon be signing her contract and we should be moving to Fresno at some point around July next year.

Pokerwise this year has been so frustrating that I am glad that it is ending and that I can start fresh next year. It was a crazy up and down year and it ended so poorly that this is the first year that I actually lost money playing professionally. Over my last 1200 tourneys I am down close to $38k. Luckily with decent bankroll management, and staking myself I still will have a roll to grind when we finally make our move to Fresno. I am also an eternal optimist so I truly believe that next year will swing back around for me and that really big things could be in store for me pokerwise.

We shall wait and see...

I'm a lawyer again...

but hopefully not a practicing one anytime soon.

I swore in yesterday to make sure that I don't lose my bar privileges and then as soon as I get my bar card I will change my status to inactive so I don't have to pay the normal yearly dues.

The nice thing is that it appears to be relatively painless paperwork to become an active member again so if I need to start practicing law again I should be able to start the job search and start work quickly.

On the pokerfront the maddening, gross, frustrating results just keep piling up. I made another final table yesterday but all it did was make me break even for the day. I am still waiting for that one big score to make all those dark clouds dissipate. We shall see....

I saw another glimmer of light

I won the $55 6 max on Stars today. Feels good to win.

Another Deep Breath Time

We had a really small but nice thanksgiving. My wife's best friend from her residency program came over and I cooked a turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, the crescent rolls from a can, gravy, and a salad. The only dish that failed was the gravy which I don't eat anyways so all-in-all it was a success.

Poker has been such a mental clusterfuck this year that I have been really really bad about pushing the bad days away and remembering everything that I have to be thankful for. So a day away from the tables to regain some perspective is always a good thing. I have a great family, friends, my health, my dog, a job where I still get to sleep in until noon everyday. Life is good.

I continue to have difficulties focusing on how blessed/lucky/good life is when I am losing at the tables, but I will also continue to try and better myself in that regard.

I want the light back

I am continuing to just play one night session and just keep registering for tourneys until have hit somewhere around 20. Out of the 19 tourneys I played tonight I got another 17th, 13th, and 11th. When I finished my last tourney tonight in 17th place after another retardedly standard lost race I just started laughing. I mean my late luck is either going to get better, or its not.

On the non-poker front, it looks like we are going to have a small thanksgiving this year but I will be cooking a turkey nonetheless, which I need to get tomorrow.

A little more light

Another 3 more 10th-36ths but also another FT tonight. Again it was a small tourney so my total profit for the day wasn't much but my confidence level is much higher.

I also am back to playing backed, so it feels good to start the stake on a positive note.

A little light...

I got 4th in a $26 FO on Tilt for a little over $2k, and I also got a frustrating 32nd, 23rd, 21st, and 15th in 4 other tourneys. So while I made a little bit of money for the day, it still is hardly enough to cover my buyins for my next session.

I need to stop getting all of these 10th-36th place finishes and turn them all into final tables for life to start smelling like roses again.

Still Grinding

My potential fulltime backer wants to see how I play before he commits, which is perfectly understandable so I played on my own dime tonight. I basically wanted to see if I could get 20 tourneys in a night session - and I can. So I think for the near future I will no longer be playing my afternoon session and will just start playing at 5 pm and then just keep regging until I have registered for 20 tourneys.

I am tired right now so I actually haven't reviewed my play for the day. I feel like I was a little spewy early on in the night but then became very solid towards the end. I got another 10th in a tourney on FullTilt (surprise surprise) when I took another bad beat (KK

Bap has ended

So my first foray into a salary BAP ended and it ended with me losing money for my investors (including myself) which I never feel good about. I do feel really good about my game at the moment though so I am just going to keep playing.

My hope at the moment is that I am going to get staked for the next 7-8 months but if that doesn't work then I will just keep grinding on my own dime and hope for the best.

Hachcachchahhahcahha

I really felt like tonight was going to be the continuation of a heater. I made the final table of small 6 max tourney on Stars where I was the dominating chip leader with 2 tables left but then couldn't win a hand for the life of me and finished in 5th. And then I had a great stack going in the $30 rebuy on Tilt as well when I took a horrific bad beat with 16 left for a ginormous stack but still clawed my way back to like a 25 BB stack only to lose in 11th when my 99 couldn't outflip AK.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhh.

The sneaking thoughts of holy crap, if I win this tourney my stake is profitable AFTER paying me my salary made it feel like my legs were taken out from under me when it didn't materialize. Blech - that's my 9th final 2 table finish for this BAP compared to just 5 final tables. Oh well when the run good comes my way and those results flip then life will be peaches and cream again.

On the non-poker front, our washing machine went on the fritz so I am getting that fixed tomorrow.

I also have become somewhat enamored by the drama of the latest person on PTP (the staking site I use) to have rolled. He has recently fessed up that he has absconded with somewhere around $38k in his investor's money. This type of stuff happens unfortunately way too often but I am always bamboozled that no one ever contacts the authorities. I said as much in this thread. (my posts start around post #400). It seems like an almost too easy law exam question to me, and I am fairly confident that I could get a conviction if I tried this case. We'll see if anyone actually follows through...

A victory!

I chopped the $75 24k guarantee on Tilt for just under $7k. I am not jumping for joy since it still doesn't bring my stake to profitable, but at least it brings it back close to even. And I've got to say it is a confidence boost too. I have felt like I have been playing so damn good for the last month so to have no results was killing me.

Anyhoo, the stake will likely be completed by Friday and then I'm going to try and sell out the same deal. We'll see what happens...

Just continuing to grind

I had two more frustrating finishes on Sunday when I finished like 22nd and 31st in two different deep field tourneys that paid well over $15k to first. Then today was just awful results wise because I cashed 0 of 19 tourneys. But I reviewed my session today and my play is still very good.

I am also really happy with my mindset the last couple of sessions I have had. I have kept the whining to a minimum, I am really enjoying the times I win hands, and I am playing really well. So I am just going to keep at it and hope for the best.

I finished somewhat early tonight so I am going to go make some chicken and beans so that we can have some "real food" for the rest of the week.

Continue to get closer and closer

I finished 5th out of over 3000 entrants in the $10r for a little over $4k today on Stars. Again I am very very happy with my play, but still just want to close one of these stupid tourneys out again. I experienced some more bad luck at the end of this tourney when my AA was cracked by AK with 15 players left and took me down to 5 BBs. But I am super pleased with how I gutted it out and got back to the final table and gave myself every chance possible to actually win the tourney. 1st place in this tourney was over 14k and would have brought me out of the hole but again I just can't control my outcomes no matter how much I wish I could.

Tomorrow I play in my live game and then I am back at it on Sunday. I only have 113 tourneys left to play on this stake so I still think I should finish it by the end of next week.

Interview Time

My wife had interviews in Fresno and Bakersfield these last two days so I was her chauffeur. Her interviews went well, but she has a couple more to set up later this month and then hopefully we should know where we are ending up next year.

Pokerwise I am going to get back at it tomorrow night. I am hoping to have completed my 400 tourneys for my BAP by the end of next week.

Still knocking on the door

I finally made a Final Table today so that's good. Still lost with AA versus 22 at the final table to finish in 5th so that blows. But the mantra is definitely true - all I can do is play my best and let the results happen. If I could do anything to appease the poker gods I would, but I have no idea what that would be.

I also had deep runs in 3 other tourneys so I feel real good about my game - now I am just waiting for the full flung run good to hit me in the face.

Doing my best to not let poker run my life

With the salary stake I am doing I have to put in volume to get my salary. But lately I am feeling like the donkey chasing that elusive carrot. No matter what I do, I can't win and I am letting that affect how I am feeling away from the computer. So I am taking tonight and tomorrow off and then I'll just keep grinding this Sunday.

The repetitiveness of losing everyday is getting to me mentally but there is also little I can do to change that. I am reviewing my hand histories, having friends watch me play, posting hands, discussing strategy, taking my time while I am playing... and I still am just coming up empty.

So it is back to the keep grinding mentality and also doing my best to continue to do things away from the computer so that I am not always so focused on the losses.

Still swinging and missing

I got yet another 12th in the $163 60k on Tilt. Again first was over 17k. Again I went home with like $800 and a sour taste in my mouth.

I decided to check my stats in this tourney and was grossed out by what I saw. I have played this tourney and it's nightly counterpart 166 times this year. I have cashed it 25 times (which is fine). I have 0 final tables. That's abysmal. I generally make a final table around 2-2.5% of the time. So I should have 3-4 final tables. Instead I have none.

What I do have are 11 final 20s (10,11,12,12,13,14,15,15,18,19,20). The what ifs are never good to get into for too long because you can't do anything about past results. But man. That just blows.

Sigh. Tomorrow is another day.

Day Off

I got another frustrating 12th in the $163 afternoon tourney on Tilt yesterday so instead of playing today with a defeated attitude I decided to take the day off, watch a ton of sports (my Badgers won a thriller against Iowa), and just be super lazy. Tomorrow I will play a full Sunday session.

Back at it and the downswing continues

I am getting my volume in now that I am home, but so far still no love. The vacation was nice, but the pressure to win and the frustration of a downswing that has now reached somewhere around $30k over the last 2 and a half months is just leaving me emotionally spent.

I am about 1/3 of the way through my salary stake deal and so far it has gone miserably. Hopefully I can get a decent score soon. My psyche needs it.

Back from Vacation

I was in Santa Barbara last week with my wife's family and had a blast. Tons of good food, good company, hikes, basketball, decktime, relaxing, watching the Badgers beat OSU, and just generally being treated like royalty is hard not to enjoy. I played no poker, and had very little internet access which was probably a good thing. But now I am back, and starting today I am back to work.

Finally a positive day

I went back to just playing an afternoon session and cashed 7 of the 10 tourneys I played today. For me, doing sessions is just better for me mentally so I will be going back to just playing sessions.

I have made some minor tweaks to my game and it definitely should let me get into the money more often. My best finish today was like a 15th. Still waiting for the final table to come...

Some work and some fun

I was a substitute for a friend of mine in his volleyball league last night and had a blast just pounding the ball.

Today I put in my first full session for my stake. Instead of doing two different 10 tourney sessions, I just started playing at noon and kept registering for tourneys until about 6 pm. I ended up playing 21 tourneys total. I am not sure whether I will continue registering like this or if I will go back to two sessions. I was definitely tired at the end of today, but it was doable.

I am still running pretty miserably, and even though I am playing with other's money the frustration isn't decreasing at all. If anything it is increasing. I really want this staking arrangement to work which means I need to profit, so to see me already like $2500 in the hole is just barftastic. I also just haven't had a decent score in so long that it's just eating at me.

I will be back at it tomorrow tho.

Out of Shape

My wife and I went on a 40 mile bikeride yesterday and I did not fair too well.

Going out the 20 miles to the Nimbus dam was not a problem, we had a nice picnic lunch, I didn't feel sore or winded at all. But coming back was tough. My quads starting tightening up after maybe just 5 miles on the way home so the last 15 miles were torture.

I actually don't feel bad at all today so it's more of me just being horribly out of shape than it was a strenuous bikeride.

Anyhoo, I am going to start my salaried 400 tourney stake tomorrow. I am eager to see how it goes.

We'll see how this new venture works out...

Because I have sold out already.

My wife is off this weekend so I am not sure if my first day of this new venture will be on Sunday or Monday, but it is going to start.

I am looking forward to it.

Trying something new...

It has been a tough year for me with all the swings so I have decided to attempt to sell out my action on a salaried basis.

The ad is here.

I thought long and hard about doing this and I am not even sure it will work. The pros for me is that I am giving myself stability and forcing myself to put in volume if I want my salary. The cons are that I am giving basically all of my profits away.

At this point I just want to see if it will even sell out. If it does and it is profitable then I can just re-evaluate at the end of each 400 tourneys. But at this point I am thinking that this could and should work out for everyone. If I sustain a 10% ROI the BAP would breakeven. A 20% ROI should give my backers over $7k in profits. And although I would hate to keep giving $7k+ away each month this will allow me to keep my current bankroll intact until we make our move next June when my wife ends her residency here.

We'll see what happens...

Still Downswinging

I am still in the midst of what is now over a $20k downswing. I had another close but not quite finish tonight when I got 9th in the $55 70k on Stars for like $1k but took just a horrendous beat with 10 players left so I really felt like I had a great shot at the $14k for first and then it just blew up on me. This was the hand that crushed me.

***** Hand History for Game 50386566295 ***** (Poker Stars)
Tourney Hand NL Texas Hold'em - Thursday, September 30, 04:16:40 ET 2010
Table 333011083 130 (Real Money)
Seat 2 is the button
Seat 2: chardrian ( $460377.00 USD )
Seat 3: JayEs23 ( $429500.00 USD )
Seat 5: teasall ( $378083.00 USD )
Seat 6: FML4DaWin ( $1440000.00 USD )
Seat 7: jaytj03 ( $366180.00 USD )
chardrian posts ante of [$1600.00 USD].
JayEs23 posts ante of [$1600.00 USD].
teasall posts ante of [$1600.00 USD].
FML4DaWin posts ante of [$1600.00 USD].
jaytj03 posts ante of [$1600.00 USD].
JayEs23 posts small blind [$8000.00 USD].
teasall posts big blind [$16000.00 USD].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to chardrian [ Ac 8c ]
FML4DaWin folds
jaytj03 raises [$32500.00 USD]
chardrian calls [$32500.00 USD]
JayEs23 folds
teasall folds
** Dealing Flop ** [ 5s, 8s, 2s ]
jaytj03 checks
chardrian bets [$45677.00 USD]
jaytj03 calls [$45677.00 USD]
** Dealing Turn ** [ 8h ]
jaytj03 checks
chardrian bets [$100100.00 USD]
jaytj03 raises [$286403.00 USD]
chardrian calls [$186303.00 USD]
** Dealing River ** [ 7s ]
jaytj03 shows [8d, 9s ]
chardrian shows [Ac, 8c ]
jaytj03 wins $761160.00 USD from main pot


I did get my 200 tourneys in this month so that's good. I will keep trying to grind it out but I really need a decent score just to heal my psyche.

Don't know whether to laugh or cry

Ok fun news first - I am happily sun burnt after spending the day kayaking and hitting the driving range.

Now the same old same old news. I got 20th in the UB Sniper which paid $20k to first (and just $520 for 20th). I keep feeling it is going to turn around, but then it doesn't.

I

just

keep

getting

close....

But I'll keep plugging away.

Just re-read the last post

I got 18th in the 75k. First was over $25k. 18th paid a whopping $555. Super coolered. Such is life.

So Close Yet Again

I got another 19th in the $60k on FullTilt. It's my 17th tourney of the year where I finished between 10th and 36th in a tourney where first place pays over $20k. I.e. I made the final 4 tables but just can't make a final table for the life of me. I am looking forward to when this statistical anomaly returns to normal.

I did get 3rd in the $109 PLO/8 for $1k so the day was positive at least.

My folks come tomorrow so I will be taking the weekend off and then will be back at it next week.

Finally getting some volume in...

and as has often been the case this year, I am just getting brutalized. I played 20 tourneys today and didn't cash any single one of them. I am doing my best to keep my head on straight but I definitely found myself falling into the "I am jinxed," "I can't win," "I don't know how to play anymore" realm of thinking which is just really hard to get out of when nothing is going right.

I know I made some mistakes today, but after reviewing my play there really wasn't anything too bad.

I will keep at it because there really isn't anything else to do. A nice score would be nice....

Trying to find my mojo

Just been really lazy lately. I hope to get in some decent volume the rest of this week and then my folks come to visit at the end of this week.

Fun Weekend and now I am back at it

We didn't do our big bike trip this weekend because we got invited to a friend's house on Discovery Bay (a little over an hour south of here) and go out on his boat (well more like a mini-yacht). We did bike to Ruth's Chris on Saturday night for a steak which was nice because then we didn't have to worry about our booze intake. Anyhoo, weekend was relaxing, and today I started playing again. Basically another breakeven day but I am just lying in wait for some big scores because I really am playing really well.

Random Thoughts

* My wife actually has the weekend off and it is our anniversary (11 years!) and her birthday this weekend so I will be taking the weekend off. We are planning on biking to Lake Natoma doing some kayaking and then biking home. It should be about 40 miles round trip and I hope I don't die.

* I am starting to mix in some cash games as I play my tourneys. So far it is going well - the big thing for me with cash is just to make sure I don't tilt. But when I don't tilt, it is a great way to keep the bankroll at least somewhat sustained. E.g. yesterday I lost over $2k playing a full day (2 sessions) of 20 tourneys but I made close to $1500 playing cash games so at the end of the day my bankroll only took a $500 hit rather than a $2k hit.

* I have now been playing poker professionally for over 3 years. This year has been by far my worst in terms of results. I am just eking out a 10% ROI whereas my worst year prior to this I had an 80% ROI. The games are definitely getting tougher with fewer fish and more of the player pool having access to books, forums, training sites, coaches, and friends who they can have help them play through skype/im/chat programs. I am hoping that part of my downfall this year has just been bad luck, but I am not sure how achievable an 80% ROI is anymore which means I really do need to put in the volume if I want to keep making a living at this game.

wahhhhh for bricking out.

I got 15th in the 75k on Tilt and 50 somethingth in the quarter million on stars. I felt I played pretty much mistake free on Tilt but I definitely imploded on Stars. Meh - tomorrow is another day.

Whee for a Win!!

Nothing major - but I won the $109 PLO/8 tourney on Stars for $2300. August was actually basically tied for my worst month of the year so far so it feels good to actually take something down.

It has been a very up and down year for me, I've had 3 losing months (2 big losing months) and 5 winning months and have only shown a modest profit for the year. The game has definitely gotten tougher because more and more of my opponents are regular players and their are fewer and fewer really bad fish out there. I am still way way under my volume goals though so I hope to get in over 200 tourneys this month and hopefully go on a nice little heater at some point soon. We shall see...

Wedding Season is now over so I am back to work

I was back in my old stomping grounds of Madison, Wisconsin last week because a friend of ours from my wife's medical school was getting married. The trip was great - we went canoeing, hung out at Devil's lake, and got to see how all of my wife's med school crew are doing and weddings are just always fun (especially when your only role is to show up and enjoy yourself). Now that I am back, I finally have a block of time where I can actually play some poker so that is my plan.

Off to Portland

My cousin is getting married this weekend so I am off to Portland. I am looking forward to seeing what I have heard is a very cool city and hanging out with my family.

Poker is continuing to go bad results wise.

Back home for a little bit.

It's been a busy couple of days. My hard drive died on me Wednesday night which was the same time that my Santa Barbara family came in for a visit. We went to Tahoe for the weekend which was fun but is always just a little too short. After I took them to the airport today, I went and got a new hard drive and then as is always the case with me and computers it took like 3+ hours figuring out how to get back on the internet (something about some driver needed to be updated). Anyhoo, I once again have internet and an empty house so I will put in a session tomorrow.

Another Positive Day but....

yeah I am still frustrated. I actually made a final table in a big tourney today, the $162 FO on Stars, but I couldn't get anything going late, took a bad beat which dropped me to like 20 BBs, and then lost a race at the Final Table to end in 9th. Again just really frustrating to get that close and then have it not pan out.

I am, however, really really happy with my play and my refusal to give up. In the tourney I final tabled, I was down to just 3 BBs on the money bubble and then battled my back all the way to the final table. And in my other tourneys I made no mistakes - I was either coolered, or bad beat which is still frustrating, but a sign of really good play.

Tomorrow my family from Santa Barbara comes in to town so I am off until next Monday and I am going to do my best to enjoy myself.

Finally a positive day but...

I'm still really frustrated. I got deep in the FTOPs Omaha Hi/Lo tourney but ran really bad at the end and finished in like 27th. Then I also got very deep in the $20 cubed on Pokerstars only to final table bubble in 11th. Both tourneys had me dreaming of big paydays, both tourneys totally bombed.

I am so focused on hitting a big score right now that anything less is just really demoralizing.

There is another decent FTOPs tomorrow at 11 am so depending on how I feel tomorrow I will start a session with that or I might just take tomorrow off and come back swinging next week.

Really Tough Week - Time to Review

It has been a really hard week pokerwise. Nothing is going right and my confidence has taken a hit. So much of this game is about confidence and going through a downswing just tears down that confidence bit by bit. Last week I was riding high off after coming home from a decent WSOP and having a good July. Luckily I wrote a post that I told myself to come back to when I had my next downswing - unfortunately that happened much sooner than I would have liked.

But this is what I wrote:

"Take a break - spend a day or two reviewing HHs, ghosting other players, watching vids, but definitely don't play."

I have family coming this week on Wednesday and I am then going to Portland and then Madison at the end of this month so I actually can't take a break as long as I am playing well these next two days because otherwise I won't be able to put my volume in for the month. But I definitely won't be playing from Wed-Sunday this week.

"Take a deep breath, look at your overall results - are you a winning player overall? Are you simply having a bad year? Or do you actually suck and need to work on your game? Be honest with yourself."

I am doing that right now. Overall results for the year aren't where I want them but I am still up for the year. I am constantly tinkering with my game but for the most part I honestly feel that I am playing well and running poorly.

"Right now you are in a total whiny bitchfest and believe that poker somehow "owes" you something; you are never "due" in poker; odds don't change depending on how you are running; all you can do in tourneys is play as optimally as you possibly can and let the results come... and they will come."

I am trying really hard not to whine... but it's hard. I feel like I keep getting so close to my goals and then right when I almost reach them I inevitably go on a downswing. And the bummer about playing higher level tourneys is that my average buy-in has increased so much that when I do downswing, the money just starts hemorrhaging. Losing $10k in a week is not that hard to do when you are averaging $1500 to $2000 a day in buy-ins. But I also realize there is nothing I can do but play my best, stick to my bankroll management and then just let the results happen.

Yikes the whole week!

I played some higher risk stuff today and got semi-deep meaning I made it to like the last 20% but I just can't finish anything. 7 of the 8 tourneys I played I lost on just regular old bad beats, coolers, and lost races. The 8th was the most important one I was playing the $200 cubed FTOPs and I just went nutty in a hand with GrampaJeff/Jeffbeesdat.

I smooth called with AJo on the button. Flop came 6Q3 and he didn't fire which is weird for him because he fires like 100% on that flop. Turn was a 7. He fired and I figured he had AK so I raised the turn. He called. And now I put him exactly on AQ. River was a 4. And the pot and my stack were basically equal. So now the decision was if I push can he fold. I thought he could since my line looks so much like a set, an overpair, or even 45. But obviously it also has a bluff in there sometimes. I took my time, decided to shove and he called. And there went my last chance to cash.

I am kicking myself right now, but it might not be that bad. It's really hard to review hand histories when you are downswinging and I'm downswinging so bad this week that I don't know whether I suck, whether my confidence is just crushed, or whether it really is just bad luck.

I am taking tonight off to go play in my home game and tomorrow off and then will be back at it on Sunday. Hopefully things turn around soon....

Yikes take three!

I cashed in 1 tourney to end the cashless streak but it was just a mincash in the smallest tourney I play (a $26 FO on Tilt). So yeah, I need to staunch the money flow out.

yikes take 2

I have played full sessions these last two days and haven't cashed in one single tourney. 0 for 32. Mostly just really unlucky, for sure some marginal calls, but mostly just really unlucky.

Just a week ago I was loving the poker lifestyle. Right now I feel almost sick to my stomach. Just brutal. I am now in like a $5k hole for the month which I need to try to work myself out of.

Ok - enough whining. I know no one likes to read it.

Yikes

I am having one of those days where nothing goes right. Trying to keep the whining to a minimum but that's all that's happening.

Back home and still being lazy

I got back from Reno yesterday and even though we only went for the one day and night I had a blast. Two buddies of mine from the home game I play in and myself went to Reno and played in a $200 Freezeout that they have going. The tourney started at noon and we were all out of it by like 7:30 so we spent the rest of the night bowling, boozing and just having a good time.

My wife has had a really stressful last two weeks or so because not only did she have to keep working her horrific work schedule but she also had to prepare for M n' Ms where basically the chief residents get grilled by all of the attendings in front of everyone. She did well and has this weekend off so we are just trying our best to do nothing.

We watched some TV, went to the river and walked the dog, and are planning on going to the movies tonight and then sleeping in late tomorrow. She starts nights again tomorrow night which means I will actually try and get some serious poker in again this next week.

Off to Reno + some advice

A couple friends and I are going to Reno today to play in a $200 tourney and then hopefully to have some fun tonight. The place has a bowling alley and a driving range and plenty of booze so it should be fun. We are just going for the day and coming back tomorrow.

I have been joined to another skype chat group and I am a poker strat whore so I love talking about the game. One of the guys is going through a downswing and is bemoaning his luck and complaining about how poker is 100% luck and that he doesn't have any and blah blah meow chow. I know I get in this same mindset when I am downswinging as well.

Here is how I responded (I need to come back and read this post when I go through my next downswing):

Take a break - spend a day or two reviewing HHs, ghosting other players, watching vids, but definitely don't play.

Take a deep breath, look at your overall results - are you a winning player overall? Are you simply having a bad year? Or do you actually suck and need to work on your game? Be honest with yourself.

Right now you are in a total whiny bitchfest and believe that poker somehow "owes" you something; you are never "due" in poker; odds don't change depending on how you are running; all you can do in tourneys is play as optimally as you possibly can and let the results come... and they will come.

But when you start equating poker to blackjack which is what you are doing it becomes harder and harder to get out of that shitty emotional state.

gl trying - I am off to Reno

Getting back into it slowly

I spent most of yesterday just being lazy. I attempted to review my UB HH but it only got to like the midway point of the final table and then cut off for some unknown reason and that's when I went from 1st down to out in 5th which is what I wanted to check on.

I am also attempting to learn some new games so that I can play in events other than just hold'em next year and in the future.

I have some experience playing Omaha Hi/Lo but I am have basically none in any of the other games. So I have been playing some stud hi with moderate success so far. I don't know if it's because I am actually playing well or just running well at this point tho.

I just finished my afternoon session and my only cash was a 27th in the $55 90k on Stars. But after playing for 5 1/2 hours today I am calling it a day.

Sunday Final Table

I got 5th in the UB/AP 200k for $11.8k. It's the second time I have final tabled this tourney in the last 2 months and a 5 figure score is always nice but I was definitely disappointed not to take it down since I was chip leader with like 6 to go and then just could not make anything happen and eventually lost a cooler late.

Anyhoo, I might go to Reno this week and play some live poker, if not I will just continue to grind it up here at home.

Back to the Grind

I put in my first double session since I have been back. My method of playing online MTTs is to fire up around 8 tourneys between noon and 1 pm as my first session and then just play them until I am done. Then if that session does not go so well I will fire up another session sometime around 5-6 pm and play another 8-10 tourneys. On Tuesday and Wednesday I only played in my afternoon session.

But today I bricked my first 8 tourneys this afternoon so I was done early and decided to play a second session. I played 10 more tonight that started between 5 and 6:30.

After having what I felt was a really good session yesterday where I cashed in 1/2 of my tourneys, I was getting frustrated today because I wasn't getting deep or making the money in anything. In the end I did make a push in the $163 75k on Tilt and ended in 14th which as always is frustratingly close but a sign that I am playing well.

Since I have been back I have played 33 tourneys in 4 sessions, and have cashed in 7 of them with lots and lots of deep runs but no huge scores. In the end this means nothing since it is such an incredibly small sample size to really gather anything from but it does always feel good to play well.

Now the goal is to make sure that I don't get into the "if a couple of hands would have fallen my way I could be on a true heater" mindset. Because when I start thinking like that I generally start to think I am "due for some good luck" and make some overly aggressive moves which causes me to lose my stack at the midpoints of some tourneys. Instead I really need to continue to just focus on playing every hand as well as I can and let the results happen.

Back Home for a Bit

I got back home last night and after basically being gone from my house for the past 6 weeks it feels good to be back home.

Since my wife is working nights I basically need to get out of the house and let her get her sleep during the day so I played an afternoon session today and it went well.

I got 6th in the $10 rebuy on Stars for like $3k and felt like I just played real well overall. Even though I would have liked to win, it is always nice to start back on a good note.

My plan for the next month is to grind the online game, get in as much volume as I can, do some poker lessons, and then I am back to being a traveling man next month with some weddings in Portland and Madison and a weekend trip to Tahoe.

Vacationing

I drove back to L.A. immediately after busting the Main Event and made it back in record time. A whole slew of cousins and their kids were visiting my dad so the house was packed until yesterday and I am one of those people who actually enjoy spending time with family (I have friends who dread it) so I was a happy camper. None of them really understand what exactly my job entails but they all think it is pretty cool that I play poker for a living, so having them all believe that I am some sort of "balla'" is kind of fun too.

My sister and her brood are also out here for this week so my plan is to go down to their rental house in Laguna Beach tomorrow and hang out with them for a couple of days and then head back up to Santa Barbara for a retry of my father-in-law's marriage, then off to somewhere in Central California for a couple of days of camping/waterskiing with my L.A. family, and finally back home to Sactown.

I have a whole bunch of traveling planned next month to Tahoe/Portland/Madison as well. So between all of my Vegas/L.A./Santa Barbara excursions this last month and my planned trips next month I don't know how much poker I will actually be putting in. Thankfully my WSOP was at least mildly profitable so I'm just going to play when I can and take it from there.

Busto

Pretty quick exit today.

I got KQs twice and called about a 1k open and folded psotflop when I totally bricked.

Took me down to about 13k. I then KQo and went with the go'n'go versus a guy who had just won a big pot by raising to 3800 when he opened to 1200 preflop. Flop came Q hi. I shoved a potsized bet. He had AQo and snapped me. GG me.

I am obviously upset that I didn't cash, but I am very happy that I decided to play. It is a great great structure, and I am glad to have gotten the first Main Event under my belt.

Thank you to all who invested in me.

Up and down Day 1

Disappointing end to such a good start. I chipped up nicely before the dinner break and had like 55k at dinner. I talked with my wife and told her that I was going to play cautiously after the dinner break because I was happy with my stack and felt I could do some damage heading into day 2...

Then all hell broke loose. The big pot was my two pair which lost to a bigger two pair for 20k. Other than that it was a bunch of 3 outers that kept binking on my on the turn or river.

I do still have like almost 16k heading into day 2 where blinds will start at 200/400 and then go up to just 250/500. So I have almost 3 hours of 30+ BB poker and I know how to play that stack very well. I obviously need some run goot tomorrow but I still feel good about my play.

Main Event looking likely

So I made an ad late last night for the Main Event and by this afternoon I have only just over $2k more that I need to sell out. I tried getting access to put up a thread on 2+2 as well because people told me that I would sell out super fast over there, but I need to wait like 48 hours for approval to post there and by that time I want to be heading to Vegas. But it still looks like I'll be able to sell out anyways.

No matter what I will be heading out to L.A. tomorrow. From there I'll just see how it goes.

** UPDATE ** I am definitely going. I have sold all but one share and if that doesn't sell then I will just buy it myself. The plan now is to leave for L.A. tomorrow and then for Vegas on Wednesday.

Main Event??

I have very last minute decided that I want to try and play in the Main Event this year. I have put up a BAP at PTP and we'll just see how much interest I get and whether I can sell out in 2 days.

If it doesn't work out - not a huge loss. If I sell out - I am really pumped to play in my first Main Event!

Back Home

Well I was expecting the weekend to be somewhat eventful with a wedding planned and time being fleeting. Instead we changed my wife's ticket back home so that she could leave Monday morning rather than Sunday evening; the wedding was postponed; and we were just treated like royalty and had a really enjoyable weekend hanging out with family in beautiful Santa Barbara. Another bonus was that I only had to be dragged to one open-house (my wife and mother-in-law like going to open houses even when we aren't anywhere close to looking for a house anytime soon).

The drive back was uneventful and I had my dog chula as a companion which is always nice. Today I slept in and have just been super lazy. The rest of this week my plan is to get the house back in order; pay back my WSOP backers; and then I have to do some tax stuff because the IRS somehow thinks the $14k I made in a live tourney back in 2008 wasn't reported to them even though it was part of my total profit that year which I reported to them when I filed as a "poker player."

No more WSOP 2010 for me

An abysmal day was my ending to my 2010 WSOP. I just never got anything going. To be honest, I am not really devastated. Vegas wears me down and I am at my wearing down point. I think I managed much better this year than last year but after over 3 weeks here, 18 tourneys played, and not seeing my wife or dog for that whole time, I am ready to go home.

My father-in-law is getting remarried this weekend so I am heading to Santa Barbara tomorrow and will be back in Sac-town early next week.

All in all I am very happy with how this series went. I made another final table. Hung out with some cool people and thought I played very well. GL to all of those that are still playing and are staying for the main event.

One more to go....

Today was just meh - gross finish. I chipped up nicely with no showdowns and had doubled my starting stack by the end of 4 levels of play.

I had 9500 at 100/200 at the end of level 4 and just got moved to a new table. I open to 525 with JQs from EP and get one caller - guy who was on tilt raises to just 1375. I didn't get the feeling that he had a monster, but I also wasn't willing to 4-bet and get it in in a stupid situation so I call the 850 more leaving me with just over 8k.

Flop come 72T with two of my suit. I check, other guy checks, original raiser bets 2500ish. I ldo shove and he wakes up with A9s. So my 15 outs quickly diminished to just 6 and I didn't get there.

Tomorrow is the 2500 mixed holdem. It will be my last event no matter what but I am looking forward to it as there will likely be few entries and I am expecting some pretty bad play in both portions.

Not a lot to add

I've just been grinding and busting out around dinner time of tourneys the past 4 days. Playing very well still just not running as well. I am playing 1 or 2 more WSOP events (depending how I do tomorrow) and then I am packing it up and heading home. All in all it has been a good series. I have maintained a good emotional state, I am playing very well, I am working out everyday, but I am also ready to go home.

1 week in Vegas is fun. 2 weeks gets draining. 3 weeks and home starts seeming better and better everyday.

Happy Father's Day

It wasn't such a happy day for me as I busted the $1k after just 4 levels of play but still feel like I am playing very well. So I hope all the dads out there fared better than I did.

I have decided that Thursday's WSOP event (a mixed NL/Limit tourney) will be my last one this year. If I bust early, I will head to Santa Barbara for a wedding, but in any case it will be my last hurrah this year.

I had a blast this weekend with guys from FTR but it will feel good to just relax tonight, get some good sleep and then tomorrow get back into the workout, play poker, routine.

The plan this week is to play the Venetian tourneys tomorrow and Tuesday and then the WSOP events on Wednesday and Thursday. I am due for a cash so hopefully I can get one more big score before I go.

Time for some time off

I played the $2110 Venetian yesterday and in the best structure tourney that I was going to play this entire month I lost my entire stack on the first hand I played. But still think I played it fine.

Starting with 20k in chips I raised Ah5h to 300 from the CO and got flatted by the button. Pot has 750.

Flop is Kh2d4s I bet 425 and button calls. Pot is now 1600.

Turn is the 3d. I figured button has a mid pair or the K so I check since after floating there he is going to fire so often. He bets 750, I c/r to 2200. He takes some time and 3-bets me to 6200. So now it is decision time for me. If I call then the pot will have like 14k and I will have like 13 k behind so I'd be committing myself to the pot with the 2nd nuts. If I fold it means I am putting him on 56 and 56 only. I thought his range included hands like a set, AdKd, another A5 and the occassional bluff as well as 56 so I pushed because I was OOP and I wanted to get it in good against any of the hands that I am beating and I don't see him folding getting 2:1 at this point. He had 5s6s. GG me.

I also played the $350 Limit tourney which started an hour later and played fine but ran bad (AA<55, QQ
There are a whole bunch of people coming into town this weekend so I am definitely taking today and tomorrow off. I might play the $1 k WSOP on Sunday depending on how I feel after this weekend. There are also now distinct possibilities that next week will be last week of the series as I might very well be heading to a wedding in Santa Barbara.

Just Grinding

I have been playing every day and busting out early in fairly standard coolerish spots. A whole gang from the FTR crew come in on Friday so I am trying to get my live volume in as I will likely be taking this weekend off for some drunken debauchery.

I am playing the $1500 NL Event tomorrow and then will play things by ear. There is a $2100 event at the Venetian on Thursday which I may play, but if lots of the FTR guys are around I will probably just hang out with them.

Ridiculously Swingy Day

I start the day with the kid who busted me last year at my Final Table directly on my left. Our table gets broken up quickly and I say a little thanks since he is a tough player and I didn't really want him on my left. Of course he shows up at my new table and is once again seated directly on my left. Within 30 minutes both Phil Gordon (a known live pro) and another kid who made the final table with me last year are also seated to my left.

I lose a big pot to Phil when he turns a flush and I had Top pair with a good kicker and I am down to just 650 chips at 25/50 blinds. I proceed to suck out when my AJ beats AQ and am back to 1400.

I then get moved to another table and now I have Shawn Buchanan, who was done really well in WPT events, two to my left. I am fortunate to get AA versus another guy's KK and double up to like 3500. I again suck out with AJ when I turned both TP and a flush draw against a strangely played AK and binked a river flush to move me back up to like 7k. I chip up to around 9k by playing some pots with Shawn who was playing lots and lots of pots and just c-betting everytime. I then make a bluff against a weekend warrior and show it and chip up to over 11k at the end of level 4.

When we get back from that break blinds are now 100/200 so I am sitting pretty with over 50 BBs. My friend Matt who plays in my home game in Sacramento is here in town dealing for the Series and he sits down to deal at my table. Shawn opens, a young internet kid calls and I look down and see JJ. I 3 bet, Shawn folds and the kid reshoves. I think for a bit - range him on AA, TT-, AQ-, and occassionally just a bluff. I really didn't think he would have QQ, KK or AK because I think he would have 3-bet those hands pre. So I called, and unfortunately he had AA. Swing time back down to 3500.

It folds to me in the CO, I have KJo. I shove my 17 BBs, Shawn calls with 99 and I lose the race and am down to less than 1 BB with just 150 chips. I quadruple up to 600 when AK holds. Very next hand I get JJ again and shove and get called by both blinds so I have a shot to get back to around 2k. Unfortunately the BB had JQ and he flopped a Q. So out I went.

It was just a weird day. I actually had a lot of fun. My tables were talkative. I never like to lose, but I am fine with how I played. Tomorrow I am playing the $2500 6 max tourney. Tonight I will just watch the game and relax.

Long Day Today - Back at it Tomorrow

I played the $350 Venetian tourney and after 12 hours of play I mincashed it for like $322 profit. I really like how I played, still feel very good about my game. Tomorrow I am playing the $1k WSOP event.

Back to the Grind

Yesterday's tourney was similar to my last one. I started off well and then just nosedived. I made one mistake where I misplayed AQ postflop, but other than that I just ran poorly, and you need to run well in Limit.

I am planning on playing my first Venetian event today since I would rather play the $1k WSOP on Sunday when all the internet kids stay at home and grind online.

Quick WSOP Update

I planned on playing a full online schedule yesterday but had some connectivity issues so I quickly unregged for the remainder of my tourneys and only played in 3. So I went over to the Shady Akers house and watched the Lakers game and then went out to dinner at Naked Fish with a couple of the guys.

Today my plan is to watch some World Cup, get in a workout, and then head over to the RIO and play the $2500 Limit 6 max tourney which begins at 5 pm.

Gross Day

I had an unusually tough table from the get go at my Limit tourney today. The one fish at the table got picked off pretty early and was unfortunately replaced with Matt Matros (who won the tourney I final tabled last week). After that everyone at the table was good. There was no limping pre, no coldcalling raises or 3-bets, people actually folded their BB with trash... which meant that I basically had to hope for a good run of cards and hold up by the river - I didn't.

My plan is to play online tomorrow because I want to play the $2500 6 max limit tourney on Friday.

Just relaxing

Vegas always seems to throw my sleep schedule way out of whack. I have had no problem falling asleep this year but I keep waking up every morning between like 7-8 after going to bed anywhere between 2-3 am. Since I am used to 8+ hours of sleep a night, I have been pretty tired so it feels good to just sit around and not do much of anything but surf the internet and watch some tv.

I have been working out everyday and feel like I am starting to get my wind back. I am using the elliptical at the little fitness room they have at my rental condo and have been playing basketball every Monday and Wednesday at a rec center in Henderson with some other poker players. So I am not being a total couch potato.

Yesterday I went to party with a bunch of PTPers and had a good time just shooting the shit, watching the huge gas grill almost burn the house down, and hanging out by the pool. Not planning on doing much today other than get in another workout, watching the Laker game and then going to bed. Tomorrow I am back to the grind in the 2k Limit Event. I will post updates on Twitter.

Twitter

I synched up my phone with twitter so I now will update how I am doing in each event by tweeting if you want to follow me. My screen name is pretty obvious - chardrian.

Final Table Thoughts

I finished 5th in Event # 12 which was a Limit (one bet at a time) event for $43k. Pokernews is not doing a stellar job of reporting and they now have a monopoly on live updates as the WSOP is only letting the other poker reporting outlets (PTP, Bluff, etc.) post one hand an hour, so if you were trying to follow me and couldn't - well that's why.

Anyhoo I made one big bluff and binked a fullhouse prior to the final table to get me to the final table with a decent stack. I then basically chipped up a bit/maintained my stack until my final 2 hands.

Hand 1 - I have QQ in mid/late position (I don't remember if I was the hijack or CO). Terrence Chan who was the chipleader opens, and Matt Matros who had been on a rush and chipped back up 3-bet. Matt had recently been 3-betting a lot against both Terrence and Georgios who were on his right since they were the two most active players and he was trying to isolate them and get his hands heads-up with position postflop. So I had been waiting for a spot to cold 4-bet since I had position on him. I look down and see the QQ and realize this was a value 4-bet spot so I do just that. Both Terrence and Matt call.

Flop comes 79T with two spades which is a pretty horrendous flop for me. They both check, I obv fire, Terrence raises, and Matt 3-bets. And I now curse my luck and internally say wtf is going on? Terrence easily has a flushdraw, 88, JJ, AJ, or even JQ or QK here, so his c/r did not bother me that much. But when Matt 3-bet the only hand I could put him on that I was beating was JJ. So when the only hands I MIGHT be beating are 2 big draws and it is very likely that Matt has hit a set I fold my QQs. The turn was a J which Terrence c/raised. The river was a K (which would have given me a straight if I had played like a tard and stayed in the hand) and they flipped over JJ and 99.

So I played the hand perfect but I still lost chips, and late in a tourney like this you basically really need to win every pot you enter so it was frustrating to lose with the huge favorite hand preflop.

Hand 2 - my next big hand came pretty quickly after the dinner break. Georgios was a Greek player who I had tangled with in a couple of big pots with previously. He liked to raise my turn bets, but I always had the goods and 3-bet him so he was in my mind looking for a spot to get even with me. He opened very wide from the button. I look down to AA in the BB after he raised the button yet again. I decide to just smooth call, with the plan of trying to get value on the turn by check/raising since that is when the big bets happen in Limit. Flop comes Td9h2h. I check, he bets, I call and the trap is still on. The turn is another 9. I check, he bets, I raise, and he tank calls. At this point I am thinking that I am way ahead. The river is a J and it does not complete any flushes. It is sort of a gross card, because it does complete a straight (either 78 or QK were possible holdings) but he so likely has an underpair or a hand like TJ-AT that I have to fire the river for value. He raises my river bet and now I tank and have to decide whether to just call and leave myself with a measly 70k (blinds were at 10/20k) or if I am ahead and want to try and get more value by 3-betting. In the end I decide that his river raise is just too strong and call and he shows 99 for a turned quads.

I went out in 5th shortly thereafter but did make one last good fold which blinded me all the way down to 40k but allowed me to make $10k more in actual money because the other short stack at the table who actually had more chips then I did went out before me.

I was and still am very disappointed/frustrated at my finish in a strictly results oriented/bad beat way of thinking. I am, however, very happy in my play at the final table.

I am taking today, and probably tomorrow off and will get back to playing in another Limit event on Wednesday.

Day 3

I have made it to day 3 of Event # 12. We are down to the last 13. A little run good and a bracelet is possible.

First Day 2

I busted the $1500 NL right at the beginning of level 5 (A6 < QT all-in pre for like 15 BBs) which also happened to be right when the $1500 Limit tourney was starting.

So I entered that one too and have made it to Day 2 with like a 10 Big Bet stack (which isn't as bad as it would be in NL). So I need some run good today and maybe I can get my first cash of this series...

A little deeper but still no dice.

Another up and down day - I actually didn't play many hands at all. Basically maintained a 15-25 BB stack all day. I made it to one level past the dinner break this time and then just had a string of really gross spots where I ended up making the correct folds but dwindled my stack down to like 15 BBs and committed myself against Eric Froehlich who was opening a ****ton w/55 in the CO and unfortunately the button woke up with QQ. GG me.

I did end up playing with a lot of "known" pros today: Michael Binger, Eric Froehlich, Dewey Tomko. Still feel really solid about my game.

$1500 NL tomorrow.

Safe and Sound in Vegas - Busto from 1st Event

It was a long drive yesterday but I made it with no problem. The condo is nice, I finally got the internet working, I played some basketball this morning and then headed over for my first event. It started off up and down. I started off hot and then got AA cracked by TT in one of the earlier levels, and was then forced into playing pretty nitty but I was able to maintain a 20-30 BB stack up until the dinner break.

I came back from dinner with just over an 11k stack and got moved to a pretty gross table - Eric Basebaldy Baldwin was directly on my left, Nick Binger, some other tourney grinder who I recognized, and 2 other guys I didn't recognize but they knew everyone else; blinds 200/400 with a 50 ante. Within the first orbit a guy with 6k jammed from the button, I woke up with AA in the SB, hollywooded a little to try and get Eric to call too and the buttons 85o cracked my AA. An orbit or so later and I was down to 4k which was just 10 BBs when a very loose CO opened and the guy who cracked me then 3-bet. I woke up with AJs in the SB and knew I was ahead of the CO, thought I might be ahead of the 3-bettor and with 2k in dead money in the pot, I only needed like 35-40% equity for the shove to be good. So I figured he had air enough that a gamble was ok in that spot and unfortunately ran into his AA.

GG me.

Even though I never like to lose, I actually feel really good though. I was able to chip up without showdowns basically all night; the showdowns I did get in I was a huge favorite and got bad beat; so I feel like my patience, timing, range reading, determining fold equity are all really sharp. The fact that I had AA twice all-in preflop in a tourney as an 80% favorite; lost them both; AND still had a shot to keep myself in the tourney is just a really good sign I think. If I get a decent streak of run good it could be a scary series.

I will be playing the $1500 PL tourney tomorrow. White Table 44 Seat 9 if anyone wants to say hey.

Off to Vegas Tomorrow

As long as our almost 20 year old faithful Ford Ranger gets me there, I should be in Vegas tomorrow night. My first planned event will be the $1500 buy-in NLHE on Wednesday. I am excited to get there and start playing.

Last Session of May - Hoping for a Productive June

So I played a small session today and although I didn't get very deep in anything I am liking how I am playing. I didn't punt any tourneys, I just kept running AQ into AK with like less than 20 BBs and I am fine with that.

So I have wrapped up May with a small profit for the month. I also just went over the $100k in tourney buy-ins for the year today and to this point I have a very unappealing -2% ROI for the year. I do think I am running well below expectation though, so I am fairly confident I can still right the ship.

Weekend wise, I made a nice steak, corn, and zucchini dinner for my wife on Friday night.



We then watched our dvred season finale of Lost, and an episode of Parenthood. Saturday we went to the river and while she ran, I walked Chula, and we then went to the movies last night and saw Babies. So all in all a nice relaxing weekend.

I am probably going to watch a lot of poker programs tonight, finish cleaning the house tomorrow and then I am off on Tuesday. My plan is to bring my camera, but I often forget about it so we'll see how good of a photoblogger I become.

I have also joined the PTP WSOP Chipstacks posting so if you want to check up on me you can follow me here. I also will be updating how I did at the end of each day here.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!!

5 days and counting

I put in another small session last night, got somewhat deep in the 75k on Tilt, took a bad beat and went on lifetilt for a little bit. But all in all I feel really really good about my game. I have made some minor tweaks to my game which I feel are giving me the best opportunity not only to make the money but also to get really deep in every tourney I play.

I have also been watching a lot of poker on tv and there are just more and more obvious live tells that I am picking up that I am really looking forward to playing lots of live poker next month.

My group of internet kids have been giving me a hard time about my recent lack of volume, but I am fine with it. I am still going to get my 200 tourneys in this month. I am going to book a profitable month. And I am heading to Vegas with a really good mindset and super eager to play. I know the odds are against me, but I feel like I have a real good shot of making some deep runs and maybe even winning a bracelet.

My plan for the next couple of days is simply to hang out with my wife, clean the house so it is spotless for her before I leave. put in a Sunday session, and then head for the desert on Tuesday.

Small Session; Small Score

I played an evening session and made the money in 5 of the 8 tourneys I played and managed to eke out an 8th place in a $27 tourney on Stars for a small profit for the day. It is always a little disappointing to not finish a tourney off, but I really like how I am playing and feel like I am in a real good mindframe heading towards the world series.

Just Being Super Lazy

I haven't played a session since last Tuesday. I played my home game last Friday; I have put in a couple of coaching sessions; and I have been doing quite a bit of math poker theory calculations so it's not like I am just giving up on the game. I just haven't felt the mojo so I am not playing.

Getting Pumped for the WSOP

I was asked to write a preview of the WSOP which was published on Pocket5s. I am definitely getting amped to go to Vegas and try and win a bracelet but I also know that the daily live grind in Vegas can get real old real fast. After grinding really hard at the beginning of this month achieving my 200 tourney goal for the month will be relatively easy so I have put in very very little volume this week. I probably won't be putting in that much next week either because I really want to make sure that every session I play is a quality as close to mistake free session as possible to put me in the right mindset for the WSOP.

Sooooooooooo Close

Full Tilt absolutely sucks balls for me this year. I thought I might break through today, but instead I got 10th, yes the Final Table Bubble Boy in the $60k.

I really really liked how I played, but I did not get the luck I needed to carry me through. I folded 88 when we were 5 handed facing a 12 BB shove and a 20 BB reshove when I had 16 BBs. My opps had AK and AJ and I would have held and made the final table with a good stack if I had called. Very next hand I shove K7s into the BB who had only 11 BBs and he calls with A4s and holds. Now I am decimated down to 4 BBs but I pick up TT the very next hand only to lose to AK.

And the what ifs are running rampant in my head. What if I had called with the 88 - I would have a good chance at winning the tourney. What if my K7s or TT had held? I would at least get back to even for the year. What if I didn't run worse than a 3 legged sloth?

I know the what if game is frutiless - I played well, that's all that matters. But that just sounds like a bunch of blah blah meow chow when I was that close to another 5 figure score only to brick out yet again.

End rant/

Confidence

Poker is dumb. It really is. This year has just been retarded in the swinginess. I win a tourney and I feel like I am one of the poker elite; I go on a downswing and I feel like maybe the game is passing me by...

And then I take a day off to just relax and sort things out and things recrystalize in my head that my game isn't about my numbers, it's really about making correct decisions. If people were to look up my stats this year, they would say "how can this guy be a professional when he is losing money for the year?" If I had won that tourney last night or if I had won any of those many tourneys where I finished 10-15th this year those same people would be looking at my stats and saying "wow that chardrian is such a consistent winner - how does he do it?"

One hand here, one hand there, really can and does make such a difference but people (including myself) don't think that way. All we think about is the bottom line. And when I am downswinging it makes it that much harder to think about anything other than the bottom line because I start stressing about my bankroll vanishing between monthly withdrawals for bills and from lack of wins. The beauty of my cash last night is that it gives me some breathing room to start focusing on the decision making again instead of focusing so much on the money.

Phew

A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I got 3rd in the UB/AP 200k for just over $18k and the downswing is once again over.

This actually does not quite get me out of the hole for the year, but it is much much closer. This Sunday was going to be my last day playing the Sunday majors on my own dime so this score gives me a little leeway again.

I am a little disappointed that I didn't take it down and the only big mistake I made was probably on my last hand and even that wasn't that big since I had a pocket pair and we were 3 handed (I ended up jamming 22 vs a 3-bet from the chip-leader).

Tomorrow I will just settle back in, clean up the house, and then grind it up again the rest of this month but with much less stress.

I don't want to post another sigh post but...

any other post would be a lie. I got 6th in a $55 FO on UB where I played poorly at the Final Table because I was just over aggressive. I then got 12th in the $26 Knockout on FullTilt for like $200 when 1st was over $7k and wanted to go totally emo and slit my wrists.

I am going to withdraw my money for this month and next month today since I won't be around in June so my bankroll is back to the lowest it has been in a long long time.

I did get a workout in this morning, so at least something is going well. I am not sure how much more I can take of my poker brutality.

Time to Refocus

I don't feel like my game has regressed at all but I do feel like this year of repetitive downswings has made me focus way way too much on poker and not enough on anything else. I haven't been working out, I haven't been keeping the house as clean as I should... All I've really been doing is playing poker, posting advice on poker forums, getting frustrated when I run like poo, relaxing by sitting in front of the tv and then repeating the cycle.

So it's time to break the cycle. My wife signed us up recently for a membership at a local fitness center, so tomorrow I am heading there first thing before I do anything else. I will still be getting my poker hours in, but it't time for me to stop obsessing about it.

A day in my life

I stayed up late last night watching tv, going to the grocery store, putting gas in my wife's car, etc. So I didn't wake up today until like 11:30. I roll out of bed, into the shower, come out and it's time to register for my tourneys.

I register for 8 tourneys fire up my Hold'em Manager, put in a cd, jump onto vent where I commiserate with a poker buddy of mine who is downswinging like me and also get kicked in the ass by another buddy who basically tells us to stop whining like the emo bitches that we are.

I play some poker. I am playing 3 tourneys to start and quickly make a bad bluff in the $163 on Tilt and lose half my stack. I shake it off and in 30 minutes my next tourney pops up. 1 hour in and I have built up a stack in my $26 knockout, have doubled up in my $55 FO on stars have just stayed even on my other $55 tourney on Tilt.

Next hour starts and 3 more tourneys pop up. I quickly lose a ton of flips in the $10 rebuy on stars and 10 minutes into the 2nd hour of my play I am a casualty in the $163 which I lose a 40/60 when I shove my short stack with KTs and get called by AQ. So I am now down to 6 tables.

About 1/2 hour later I make my second mistake of the day when I get it in 45 BBs deep with 99. I was in a bad frame of mind and fell back into putting my opponent on one hand (AK) when in fact his range was more like JJ+/AK and he did indeed have KK. So I am out of the $55 FO on Tilt and now I'm down to 5 tourneys.

I go into the 2nd break of the day with a decent stack in the $26 KO; a good stack in the $162 on stars; a nice stack in the $10 rebuy (although I did have to rebuy 5 times; and average stacks in the $55 and $75 tourneys on Tilt.

I start the 3rd hour of play with the $265 SCOOP event on Stars popping up and I am back to 6 tourneys. Very quickly I am down to 5 tourneys when my TT loses a "race" to AQ in the $26 KO and then the standard clusterfuck happens: I lose a good chunk of my stack in the $162 on Stars when my AQ loses to KT and then I'm out a couple of hands later when TT loses to AK; in the $10 rebuy my TT loses to A7 and then ten minutes later my AT loses to 99 and I'm out; in the $55 FO on Stars I c/shove a guy with fold equity with AdJd on a QdKd2x flop and he snap calls me with QTo and I brick out.

So now as I shake my head and question really and truly "is this real?" I am down to 2 tourneys - the Scoop on stars and the $75 FO on Tilt.

I play both of these tourneys well, and chip up a bit in each.

The next hour I raise AJs in the $75 FO and am unable to fold on an AA7 flop when my opp has 77. And then I make my last mistake of the day when I am already in my fuck-it mode and get it in 100 BBs deep in the scoop when I flopped top two pair and my opp had the top set.

So a little less than 4 hours of play, -$918 and still left shaking my head. The one good thing of my review of the day is that I can see that I am making mistakes and I need to stop doing so. Tourneys now are so much about playing mistake free so that you can allow the run good to hit you in those few tourneys that you do get semi-deep in. By making mistakes I am just not letting myself get there.

Now it's time to eat some food, walk the dog, and get back to it tonight.

as;dkjjasjfjawv!

11th in the afternoon $163 FO on Tilt. Both 1st and 2nd would have brought me out of the hole for the year. 11th barely made me positive for the day. So guess what? I'm frustrated - crazy stuff I know.

Just the facts

Since Adil doesn't like me being emo, I will just state the facts from today.

16 tourneys, 4 cashes, 1 Final Table = -$702 for the day.

Back at it tomorrow.

Reflection was good, results still are not good

I played a weird session today because I did a lesson at the same time that I played a few tourneys this afternoon. I busted those relatively early all in standard spots, and then I was going to play a long session tonight, but I actually ended up getting somewhat deep in 4 of the 10 tourneys I played tonight so I just played those ten and that was it.

I made one big mistake when we were down to 14 players left in a UB tourney I was in which will definitely haunt me for a while. I was just tilted and tired of getting bad beat/coolered yet again today so I raised from EP w/AQ and then just 4-bet jammed some guy with no fold equity after he 3-bet me when it was pretty clear that at the absolute best I was like 45/55. I have made it a priority to not punt tourneys no matter what, so punting that one was just retarded - especially since making the FT probably would have given me a profitable day and going out in 14th gave me another in a long string of losing days.

I thought I had left that aspect of my play in the dust, but the non-thinking, hand on the mouse, insta "eat it" tilt monkey definitely returned on that hand. Usually my remedy would be to "take some time off." But I need to win some money, and I can't win without playing, so I will just keep on grinding.

Rinse, Repeat... and time to Reflect

It's funny. I did my number crunching for the end of the month and compared it to last year and then I decided to go back and read some of my blog posts from last year and I am definitely still whining about the same stuff this year that I was last year. The difference this year is that I am actually losing money on the year and have a negative ROI for the year, whereas last year I was just whining about going on a downswing even though I never was actually down for the year.

I guess no matter what I can find something to whine about.

So 4 months into the year and it's a good time to review. I have had two barely winning months, one barely losing month, and one huge losing month. It just has been a super bad year so far. Last month I was able to just eke myself back to even but since then I am down like 9k again so I am down a total of about 9k for the year. Volumewise I am on pace to play the most amount of tourneys that I have ever played. Last year was my high and I only played 1326 tourneys. I am already at 732 this year so I should smash last year's record.

The big bad things that are happening to me this year are: 1) my final table percentage is much lower than it usually is; 2) even when I make final tables my top 3 percentage is way way down as well; and 3) I am just not anywhere as consistent as I have been in the past. My biggest downswing last year was like 8k and I only did that once. This year I have had a 20k downswing and I am now in the midst of a 9k swoon. So I've never gone through these depths before and I am really not enjoying it.

I am taking tomorrow off just to stop thinking about this mess and then I will be back at it this weekend. I expect to put in a lot of volume in May before I head off to the WSOP so all I can do is keep playing well and hope that a huge upswing hits me soon.

Still bleeding but feeling better

Wednesdays are now very much like Sundays in that there are lots of decent staked tourneys which means you can easily average over $100 per tourney. I played 18 today and paid a total of $2121. Lots of the tourneys I played had huge payouts for the top 3, but if you don't make a final table you end up losing for the day. Standard stuff. I moneyed 3 tourneys and lost like $1k for the day.

Lately my nights have ended with me bitching and moaning about my luck. But tonight for whatever reason I felt very calm. Frustrated for sure, but I just feel very secure in the knowledge that I am playing very well. I am not spewing, I am not pressing, I am adjusting to my opponents and just playing my spots and my cards really well. I simply am not getting there when I need to get there. But playing the what if game is simply sucking my soul out. I can keep playing well and putting myself in position to get that big score and eventually it will come... or it won't. But there is nothing I can do about that. So I am just going to continue to play well and let whatever happens happen.

I have finally withdrawn all of my money for the WSOP and the majority of my stakers money as well. With the combination of my monthly withdrawals for bills, my withdrawal for the WSOP, and my overall losing year so far my bankroll has taken quite a hit. I am no longer rolled to play the $300 tourneys, so tonight's quarter million was my last hurrah (I got 83rd) until I am able to juice the roll back up. These next couple of weeks will determine whether or not I am able to keep playing the Sunday majors on my own dime or if I am going to have to stake myself out for those as well. But since all I can do is play my best and see what happens, that is exactly what I am going to do.

Still bumbling around

Another long session. Another frustrating day. I got 24th in the 100k and 11th in another tourney on UB. Ended up losing basically exactly the profit I made yesterday. I'll keep at it tomorrow.

Scratching the Surface but I can't Break Through

I played my longest session of the year today. I got in 19 tourneys. I only moneyed 2 of them, but I did Final Table one - the $130 Sniper on UB. I ended up in 4th for just over $2500 but I still wanted to bash my head into the wall because I went out on a horrible cooler.


***** Hand History for Game 164564175 ***** (Absolute)
Tourney Hand NL Texas Hold'em - Tuesday, April 27, 12:27:41 ET 2010
Table Tournament 5209564 Table 38 (Real Money)
Seat 2 is the button
Seat 2: FUTUREPROQQ ( $309895.00 USD )
Seat 5: WELCOMEME ( $99170.00 USD )
Seat 6: CHARDRIAN ( $272300.00 USD )
Seat 7: DISK0STU ( $212635.00 USD )
FUTUREPROQQ posts ante of [$600.00 USD].
WELCOMEME posts ante of [$600.00 USD].
CHARDRIAN posts ante of [$600.00 USD].
DISK0STU posts ante of [$600.00 USD].
WELCOMEME posts small blind [$3000.00 USD].
CHARDRIAN posts big blind [$6000.00 USD].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to CHARDRIAN [ 3c Ac ]
DISK0STU raises [$15000.00 USD]
FUTUREPROQQ folds
WELCOMEME folds
CHARDRIAN calls [$9000.00 USD]
** Dealing Flop ** [ 3d, 3s, 2h ]
CHARDRIAN checks
DISK0STU bets [$24000.00 USD]
CHARDRIAN calls [$24000.00 USD]
** Dealing Turn ** [ 8h ]
CHARDRIAN checks
DISK0STU checks
** Dealing River ** [ 9h ]
CHARDRIAN bets [$44200.00 USD]
DISK0STU raises [$173035.00 USD]
CHARDRIAN calls [$128835.00 USD]
DISK0STU shows [4h, Ah ]
DISK0STU wins $429470.00 USD from main pot
CHARDRIAN shows [3c, Ac ]

I feel like I am playing so well. And I feel like I keep getting super close to decent scores... but then it just doesn't pan out. If I win that tourney instead of going out in 4th I win over $8k and get back to breakeven for the year. Instead I take another retarded ankle grabbing hand. I am still down close to $6k for the year and I continue to feel like I am drowning.

I know a lot of it is still just a lack of volume. This month is another example since I took so much time off for the Costa Rica vacation I have only played 129 tourneys for the month. So I am going to try to keep it in high gear the next 3 days and at least get close to my 200 tourney goal for the month.

Hopefully, (pretty pretty please?) the pokergods will soon shine on my hairy ass and give me that one glorious score and then life will be back to being peachy.

Ready to pack it in

I just got 13th in the UB 200k and am ready to off myself so be prepared that this will be one hell of a whine coming up.

I started the day stadardly, got deep in some stuff, AA got cracked in 4 different tourneys, KK cracked in another same ole same ole. But then I managed to get deep in the UB tourney and with less than 25 left I was strongly in 2nd place. I even allowed myself to look at the payouts and dream of a big payday because maybe just maybe my curse was finally going to end today. 1st place was 45k, 2md place was over 25k, and even 5th place was over 11k. I was on my way - I could pull myself out of the hole for the year and then some.

And then everything goes to complete and utter shit. AQ runs into a short super aggro's KK. I have to raise/fold 88 against a nit who never 3-bet. After waiting 3 orbits with nothing I finally get JJ and everyone folds. I now find myself with just 15 BBs and absolutely no opportunities to do anything and I pick up 79o and reshove it against a similar stacksize who was on the looser side and of course he wakes up with AK and out like trout I go in 13th.

The frustrating thing is that I keep getting so damn close and then just CAN NOT FINISH! And it is starting to eat me up inside. I know I am just one decent score from all of this being a thing in the past - but each time I get a glimpse of that score coming and then it doesn't materialize is just mind-bogglingly frustrating.

Yucky

Poker is back to being not very nice to me. I have actually had deep runs pretty much every session I have played since I have been back, but I just keep losing crucial hands deep in tourneys.

Tuesday was a lost race at the final table (AK
I am going to play in my live game tonight and just have fun, and then will be back at it on Sunday.

Costa Rica Trip Report

Ok so for those that don't know, my mom, although a gringa, was raised in Costa Rica because my grandpa had a farm/worked other odd jobs there. I went once as a kid when I was around 8 on a family trip, but other than that time I haven't been back. In that time my grandparents have passed away and the farm has been sold to an organization that now runs it the property as an ecotourism/research center as a rainforest reserve (my grandpa set aside a large portion of his land to preserve rather then to farm and even the portion he did farm has quickly been devoured by the "green monster" that is the rainforest.) So I was excited to go back and see Costa Rica with my mom as our tour guide.

First of all, I was super impressed with the country itself. I lived for over 2 years in Guatemala as a Peace Corps volunteer and although they may be close in distance, in terms of development, safety, healthcare, education, income, etc. they are two totally different countries. The roads in Costa Rica are paved and clean, people obey traffic laws and stay in their own obviously demarcated lanes. I love Guatemala and would encourage people to visit, but it is definitely a "3rd world/developing" country. Costa Rica may not be fully to the level that the U.S. is but it is at least pretty damn close.

Anyhoo, our itinerary consisted of arriving in San Jose, spending the night at a nice hotel there and then the next day we rented a car and headed off to Sarapiqui to visit my grandpa's old farm which is now The Tirimbina Rainforest Center. My mom couldn't understand why the car rental guy and the hotel front desk were giving her directions to go the "long way" to Sarapiqui when she wanted to go the short route, so we decided to wing it and we were able to navigate our way out of the capital and onto the route that my mom always took when she was growing up. Unfortunately they were doing massive road work on this "short cut" so the road was often unpaved. Then when we got like 2/3 of the way there we pass a sign that says road closed due to some earthquake. However we did see some cars coming up that road so at that point our choices were to head all the way back to San Jose and then start over taking the "long route" or just go for it and hope for the best. We ended up going for it and made it unscathed but with nerves frayed as the road was extremely treacherous with a couple of river crossings, huge potholes, slippery muddy spots, and huge embankments/cliffs on the side of the road with no guard rails to stop us.

Once we got there, we were impressed with what we found. The rooms were simple but nice, especially for being essentially in the middle of a rainforest. The showers were hot, they had internet access, and the food was very well done with a full bar.



We went on a couple of tours (the chocolate tour and a nighttime tour), had to cross the hanging bridge over the Sarapiqui river (I don't like heights but made it), and basically just had a good time hanging out with each other. We saw toucans, a monkey, lots of frogs, and these small, cute white bats.





We only spent a couple of days in the rainforest and then we headed back to San Jose (this time taking the recommended route) where we hopped on a puddle jumper plane and headed to the beach at Tamarindo. Tamarindo has exploded in the past decade - when my mom first went there was only one "real" hotel. Now there are lots and lots of hotels, fast food, car rental places. It is a gorgeous spot on the Pacific Ocean which is a big surfer hangout. We stayed at a more upscale hotel called the Capitan Suizo which is super duper eco friendly so it was almost like living in a zoo. Iguanas, monkeys, racoons, and lots of different birds all hung out by the pool. The hotel is on the outskirts of town at the end of the beach so we basically had the beach to ourselves where we could boogie board, lay by the pool, and again just relax. Which we did. My sister and her two kids met us there and we had fun just hanging out and relaxing. The only bad thing I can say about the trip was just that it was too short.

Let the whining begin again...

Meh - I feel like I am playing extraordinarily good and I am getting deep in big field tourneys, only to fizzle at the end. I had a 14th and an 18th today to go with my 9th from yesterday and both days I ended up losing money for the day.

It might be variance, it might be the games are just getting harder, whatever it is, it remains frustrating.

I am down for the year, down for the month, and no matter what I do, I just can't seem to get my head above water this year. I know that volume wise I am still hardly playing compared to the other internet kids, and even with my low volume I have had one losing month and two winning months, which isn't bad. But I still haven't had that one real good month where I profit a ton on money and that's what a professional mtter depends on.

I am in the process of setting aside all of my WSOP money for this year, so once I do that, I will see where I am at bankroll wise and just keep on plugging away.

Back at it and tired

I played a full session today and only made the money in one tourney. I did final table it - but I lost a race at the final table and ended in 9th so I still lost money for the day. I am tired after not putting in a full session when I haven't played in so long, but I feel good about my game.

I uploaded a whole bunch of photos from my trip today, so one of these days when I get some free time I will post some as well.

Back from Vacation

I just got back from a week of vacation in Costa Rica. We went with my mom who grew up there so it was fun to see her in her element. I will be driving back to Sacramento either tomorrow or on Tuesday and will be back at it with a vengeance from now until I leave for the WSOP.

I will try and post pictures and a trip report when I get home.

And closer...

I final tabled the same $55 tourney on Tilt today and got 3rd this time. I was generally pleased with how I played except for one marginal hero call I made late. Top 3s are always nice though and this one basically brought me back to even for the year ROI wise.

Getting Closer...

I final tabled the $55 freezeout on Tilt today and feel I played flawlessly (except for the very first hand where I sucked out). Unfortunately I got coolered at the final table and ran my JJ into AA and quickly went from 2nd with 7th left to out in 7th.

I did manage to eke out a small profit for the day which is never a bad thing, but of course my expectations weren't met so I am not really a happy camper.

I am taking tomorrow off and will play in my live home game, and then get back at it this weekend.

Monthly Volume Goal Achieved

My goal every month is to play at least 200 tourneys a month. I finally reached that goal for the first time this year and finished the month of March with 226 tourneys.

I also made a small profit for the month, but for the year I am slightly down and with the monthly withdrawals I make for bills, savings, and life in general the bankroll has taken a bit of a hit.

I do feel like I am way below expectation for the year, and if my previous stats are at all indicative of my future earning power this is definitely true. I have only made 7 final tables this year, whereas I normally should have about twice as many given my volume based on my previous stats. Then again, the game has definitely gotten tougher, with less fish and more pros, and more of the recreational players utilizing training sites, and poker forums, and books, and software.

So again the vicious mental cycle begins with the vast unknowingness of what my future will hold. I can say that I have a 13th, a 23rd, and a 27th under my belt these last two days in tourneys where first place was well over $10k, and in all 3 I either got it in ahead or was coolered. So I like how I am playing - now I just need to run good late.

Another sighful Sunday

I am always somewhat amazed at how sickened I continually get when I have another horrendous day at the virtual felts. One would think after playing this game for so long now, that I would get used to it. But I don't.

I played 15 tourneys today. I didn't cash any. I made a couple of minor mistakes - but nothing major and just didn't run well.

With my need to withdraw money for the World Series and make my monthly withdrawals, I am getting worried about feeling the bankroll pinch again soon, but all I can do is keep playing well, and hope that I go on a heater soon.

I actually feel that I am running way expectation for the year. But I also feel like the games are definitely getting tougher and tougher so I am not sure how much my expectation actually is.

New Culinary Experiences

I stayed up late last night/this morning watching one of my poker buddies take down a tournament and again woke up with less than my usual 8 hours of sleep, so instead of putting in a session when I wasn't feeling mentally at my best... I took another day off. Yeah yeah, surprise surprise.

Charmian was supposed to have the day off, but she wants more experience doing hysterectomies so she went in and is doing some of those. She also expected to be off by 6 (turns out she won't be home until at least 8 which also is no surprise) so I went to the store and bought some steaks and then our veggie box came today so I deciced to pair the steaks with a potato/red pepper/red onion mixture as well as making the cauliflower.

I am not a cauliflower fan at all. But I tried something new tonight instead of steaming it or pureeing it and hiding it in something else or dousing it in some sort of cheese sauce which is usually the only way I have found it palatable. Tonight I simply drizzled it in olive oil, added some fresh garlic, pepper, salt, and lemon juice and then just baked it for like 30 minutes at 400 degrees. And I was impressed at how good it was. Shouldn't have surprised me that simple food tastes so good, but I was still surprised.

I am not sure what we have in store tomorrow, but I know that I will be back at the virtual tables on Sunday.

Not a lot to update

Just a standard week. I put in full sessions on Tuesday and Wednesday, played well, no results. The only difference this week is that I am still running high on confidence from last week's win so I haven't been whining or moping as much.

I am not playing today because I am just tired. My wife got to "sleep in" until like 7:30 today. Usually I don't even notice when she wakes up because I am in deep sleep, but today she woke up late enough that she woke me up to, but early enough that I am still tired. So instead of playing an afternoon session, I took the morning off, deposited some checks, and basically have just been lazing around surfing the web and watching tv. Tonight I will do a couple of hours of coaching for a student who won some lessons through pwnage. Tomorrow and Saturday my wife has off so that means I am off too.

I am hoping for a nice Sunday score, but will just put in my play and let my results follow.

Back to it

So between taking time off to clean the house and yard, having my friend Adil come up for the weekend, and taking yesterday off to spend time with the wife, I haven't played since my win last Tuesday.

I know I take too much time off, but I feel refreshed and am excited to play again. I am sure I will bemoaning my luck soon enough, but it is always nice to come back playing in the correct state of mind. I also feel extremely fortunate that I am able to just say "meh I don't feel like working tomorrow, so I won't."

I played an afternoon session today and whiffed it but every hand I busted out on was completely standard so I have no real bad feelings. I was asked to play volleyball again tonight so I am going to do that and then tomorrow and Wednesday should be full schedule playing days.

I also got a week trial pass at a local gym so I am going to try my best and get there at least 3 days this week.

Psyche restored

So as is often the case after a big win of mine, I take the day off and just get some of the crap that I leave undone when I am grinding done. I cleaned the house, made some pinto beans, some breakfast potatoes, and chicken chiliquiles.

We recently started getting fresh veggies from local farms delivered to our house so I am thinking how I am supposed to cook the kale and red chard we got, but I am not a big leafy veggie guy so I can't think of anyway that will be appetizing so it will probably just stay in the fridge until I throw it out.

Anyhoo, I can't believe how much better I feel simply by getting that huge weight off my shoulders last night. I also realize how fortunate I am - that was by far my longest downswing ever, and I know that many many other pro players have gone through much worse. So I also realize that I need to continue working on my mental toughness.