Thursday, August 18, 2005

Bitch Dog

Of course you never get the real story from the news. So let me tell you how this really went.

Crabby lady has nothing better to do than repeatedly call cable company to bitch them out. After her umpteenth call, the 19 year old receptionists get sick of transferring her to the person who has been picked to deal with her that day, so they come up with the novel idea of adressing her bill to "Bitch Dog." Unfortunately "Bitch Dog" knows how to read and notices her bill, so surprise, surprise she complains again and the geniuses who came up with the idea are fired.

Now comes the fun part: It is up to you my two dear readers to come up with a story as to why Jeffrey's bill was addressed to Jeffrey "Scrotum Bag" Barnes.


chardrian said...

I ain't writing no more 'til I get a neat-o story about "scrotum bag" Barnes

Gold Nugget said...

hahaha, who the hell is that

chardrian said...

I don't know who it is - no one knows who it is. That's why it's supposd to be fun to make up a story about him.

You guys suck at this.

So here goes:
Jeffrey's best years in life were when he was 12. You see, Jeffrey was a big kid who had been held back two years so he was in the same class with a whole bunch of puny 9 and 10 year olds and he used his major size advantage to get whatever he wanted. He knew the teacher didn't want to deal with him for a third year in a row so he was going to be passed no matter what he did. So he enjoyed sitting on kids heads and farting; demanding that they fork over their Twinkies and Ho-Hos; giving massive wedgies; and just being a major bully.

One day this little kid in his class kept asking the teacher to if he could go to the bathroom. But since it was only 20 minutes untl reces the teacher told him to wait. The twenty minutes were the longest twenty minutes this kid had to endure since he had downed a big gulp in less than 45 seconds on a dare at the last recess. He had to go so bad he felt like his eyes were turning yellow. Finally the twenty minutes end, and the kid gets up not wanting to do the pee-pee dance but not knowing what else to do and makes a bee-line for the bathroom.

Unfortuantely for this kid, Jeffrey had seen what was going on and was waiting at the bathroom door. Jeffrey told the kid to pay him $5 to get in the bathroom. The kid had to go so bad that he must have lost his mind and tried to just push his way past Jeffrey. Jeffrey, of course, didn't take too kindly to this and punched the kid right in his kidneys as he was rushing by.

A punch to this kid's overly full kidney was just too much to take. And the kid didn't know what stung worse, the tears streaming down his face, or the urine streaming down his legs.

Flash forward 10 years. This kid is now working part time as a receptionist handling mail at the Electric Company to earn a little extra dough while he is at the University. He sees Jeffrey's bill and the thoughts of that horrid day come rushing back to him. Since he wasn't sure whether Jeffrey could even read, he decides to have a little fun, and make himself feel a little better by addresing the bill to Jeffrey "Scrotum Bag" Barnes. And that's the story behind Jeffrey's bill. Sounds sorta similar to a little nugget I know huh?

Now it's your turns - one up me. I double dog dare you.